


Uncomplicated

by wizardinblack



Series: It's Complicated [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Online Dating, Casual Sex, Eventual Romance, Iruka falls quickly, Iruka has an exercise addiction, Iruka is a gym rat, Kakashi is a fuckboy, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, Mentions of past drug abuse, Sexting, Thicc Kakashi and shredded Iruka just cause I felt like it, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, they meet on Grindr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:14:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 63,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22579927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wizardinblack/pseuds/wizardinblack
Summary: After a rough break up Iruka turns to the world of online dating in a desperate attempt to get laid. He meets Kakashi and things are totally great and not complicated at all!
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Series: It's Complicated [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1728904
Comments: 117
Kudos: 692
Collections: you have the potential to bloom into something even more beautiful than the cosmos





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! It is 2020 and I have just finished binge watching Naruto and I am not yet emotionally prepared to move on so I am writing this! 
> 
> Something to note, there is a lot of "texting" in this and I tried to format it like how an actual text conversation looks on a phone, with the sent texts being on the right and the received texts being on the left. AO3s formatting is fucking terrible and messes everything up so I hope it still looks correct for everyone!
> 
> I want to thank litaluna on tumblr for beta reading and offering some suggestions to help me get this first chapter off the ground! I made some adjustments after the fact so any errors or awkwardness you may find are entirely all on me.

The gym is quiet tonight. Iruka rests his hands on the metal barbell in front of him. He feels sweat drip down his back and forces himself to catch his breath. There's hardly anyone else in the weight room with him so he takes his time, closes his eyes and breathes deep through his nose. It's nice when it's quiet like this, when he can really focus with no distractions, when there is nothing but the bright fluorescent lights and smell of chalk filling his senses. 

He gets under the bar, rests the cold metal against his deltoids, takes one more deep inhale and _lifts._

One more set. If he can just get through one more set without stopping then he can re-rack and leave.

It takes three more sets until he's satisfied.

He's walking into the gym locker room, wiping an already damp towel across his sweaty face, when he catches a glimpse of himself in the full length mirror.

Usually, Iruka tries to spend a limited time in the locker room -- go in, get changed, get out -- to avoid any strange run ins with other patrons. Not that anything bad ever happens. There is just something about a gym locker room that puts him on edge, like he is an awkward lanky shy teenager in highschool all over again.

Alone in the humid room, he relaxes in the still quietness of it. As he looks at himself, he realizes he is no longer that lanky kid anymore.

He takes a minute wiping the rest of the sweat of his brow, and then allows himself to actually look, _really_ look at the man in the mirror staring back at him.

Sometimes he doesn't really remember how he got here. How not too long ago he was struggling to even leave his apartment, and now his chest is heaving, still recovering from his weight session. His red t-shirt is dark with sweat and sticking to his torso.

He thinks, maybe he looks good - for once in his life. Maybe he is doing ok - despite everything.

The past few years had been rough, to say the least. After going through a tough break up with someone he had been with for 10 years, and forced to move out of the home they had built together, he was still adjusting to being alone. They met in highschool, high school sweethearts as they say, and Iruka was just naive enough to think they would actually last forever.

After 4 years his tiny apartment is starting to feel like his own. At first it felt like a prison, where he locked himself away trying to hide from the world, heartbroken and ashamed, allowing the loneliness and pain to take over.

The only thing he ever left for was work, but he actually enjoyed his work as a teacher. Being able to help people, especially children, kept him going; Even if he couldn’t help himself, he could help others. That was something at least.

Looking at himself in the mirror, he peels off his sweaty t-shirt, planning to move to his locker and quickly change into his dry set of clothes, when he pauses. 

This is the only other thing he had; the one thing he could pour himself into completely that wasn’t work related. 

It wasn’t something he used to do. It only became a recent obsession after the break up. When the fresh wound of heartbreak started to fade, replaced with the dull ache of loneliness. That was when he began spending all his free time at the gym. It was a constant he could rely on, something he could use to distract himself, because if his body was in pain, it made the agony in his heart hurt a little bit less.

His gray joggers are low on his hips, the definition of his abs sharp after his workout. He’s lean--never weighed enough to pack on true bulk, but he is muscular. There are veins in his arms as he flexes and his six pack glistens with sweat that drips from his pectorals.

Looks were never his objective, and he is surprised by his own image in the reflection, feeling slightly detached from it. He just wants to be strong, likes the feel of the burn in his muscles, the ache and the dull throb afterwards that lingers for days reminding him he is alive. 

It was only ever about being strong, and for once to be able to prove it -- to have the ability to back it up.

Iruka glances at his face, eyes trailing the long scar across his nose and cheeks, before pulling his eyes away back towards his body.

It was never about looks, but he thinks...maybe he looks ok after all.

In a moment of weakness he allows himself the vanity, and pulls out his cellphone. He angles his hips forward a bit, flexing again to really show the definition in his abs, and snaps a picture.

At that moment, someone rounds the corner entering the locker room, and Iruka panics, quickly putting his phone down and attempting to look normal. He can feel his face heat up, completely mortified at being caught doing something so vain.

He clears his throat and keeps his head down as the other man walks past him to the showers, like he doesn’t even notice Iruka.

Iruka rushes over to his locker and grabs his duffle bag, tossing in his dirty towel and shirt before pulling on his dry long sleeve black crewneck.

It's dark when he leaves the gym. The holidays are finally over and the days are starting to get longer but the sun still sets early. The January night air is chilly but his body is still hot from his workout. His hair is tied up in a loose ponytail and sweat drips from the ends, hitting his exposed neck and making him shiver. 

Driving, he thinks about how he can't wait for the weather to get warmer, for spring and then summer to come, but then he regrets the thought as soon as it comes.

Warm weather means summer break, and summer break means loneliness.

It's pathetic, but admittedly Iruka doesn't have much of a social life outside of his work. His fellow teachers and students are really everything he has, and he doesn't see much of them outside of the school walls.

When Iruka gets home, his empty apartment is greeting him like always. There is no elevator so he takes the stairs up the three flights, goes slow feeling the burn in his legs, still sore from his workout. He did manage to set a PR for his front squat after all. The pain feels good.

He skips dinner and instead heads right for the shower. All the sweat is washed off his body, and his arms ache when he shampoos his hair. It has gotten pretty long over the past 4 years but Iruka thinks he likes it that way. He hasn’t really felt any reason to cut it. His ex always made sure to remind him before, perferring Iruka with short hair, telling him he looked better that way. Maybe he was right. Iruka doesn’t really know, but he doesn’t have a reason to care so he keeps it long.

When he steps out of the shower, he’s hit with the sudden cold of his apartment and wastes no time throwing on a pair of sweatpants and bundling up into bed.

The summer months are hard without work keeping him busy, but the winter months prove no better.

The holidays are over and his empty bed is a constant reminder of how he spent them alone for the fourth year in a row.

It isn't terrible. He’s done it before, when he was a child, after his parents died suddenly and he was jumping from foster family to foster family up until he was 18.

His boyfriend...his ex boyfriend was the person he spent holidays with ever since they started dating in highschool. His family was nice, and they liked him. Iruka thinks maybe he misses _them_ more than his actual ex. It feels like he lost his parents all over again. It hurts knowing they are there, but he can't reach out to them. It would be weird to have your son's ex wish you a happy new year he supposes.

Iruka stretches out in his bed and thinks. It’s early to sleep but he might as well. He'll wake up early and get to his classroom way before the bell rings to prepare for the day. He has some papers left on his desk to grade anyway.

The sheets have started to warm with his body heat and he curls into himself. He feels himself drift, easily tired after wearing out his muscles, but it doesn't stop him from stretching out his arm in his queen sized bed, feeling the empty space next to him.

* * *

When Iruka wakes up, it’s to a shooting pain going up his quad. Iruka twists in his sheets, lifting his leg to try and dull the pain; muscle cramp.

"Shit," he curses, the cramp worsening in the new position. 

Forcing himself to sit up, he plucks his cell phone off of his nightstand and eyes the screen. The first thing he notices is the time. 2am, great. He'll have fun trying to get back to sleep now. The second thing he notices is the unsurprising lack of text messages or notifications.

He stands, limping to the kitchen with a hand on the back of his thigh, trying to massage the muscle a bit as he goes. His phone held loose and forgotten in his other hand.

In his tiny kitchenette he flicks on the light and tosses his phone onto the counter. He grabs himself a banana, hoping the potassium will aid with the cramping. He knew he should have eaten earlier. 

He picks up his phone again and leans heavily on the counter, munching away on the banana.

It’ll be hard for him to get back to sleep now. He knows the school day will drag because of it. Part of him wonders if he should even bother trying to fall back to sleep or if he should just accept his fate and stay up the rest of the night.

He scrolls through his Instagram feed, not really paying attention. He hardly uses it himself and only follows a couple athlete accounts to give him work out ideas. He watches a woman do an impressive 500lb deadlift before continuing to scroll and pauses on a video of a man doing an all body weight workout, focusing on his core.

Iruka wouldn't put himself at the level of these Instagram model "athletes" but it is fun to watch some of the videos regardless. The man in the video is lean but cut, and in Iruka's sleep softened mind he is less focused on the movements of the workout and more on the movement of the man's torso and ass as he thrust his body upward doing toes to bar pull ups.

Fuck he is hot. Iruka is a little surprised by the sudden want in his gut. He absentmindedly takes another bite of the banana, staring at the screen. When was the last time he got laid?

It's a dumb question, he already knows the answer. Since his ex, that was the last time. 4 years ago. And it isn’t even just sex, it’s anything. 4 years and not even a kiss, not even a date. He hasn’t tried, been too afraid to, but sometimes the desire to be touched creeps up on him in moments like this. It always catches him by surprise and always feels a little overwhelming.

He shifts on his feet, adjusting his weight to his other hip and cringes at the soreness in his thigh. He doesn’t take his eyes off the screen.

Why can't he ever run into guys like this at his gym? Iruka snorts to himself, knowing he wouldn't do anything about it if he did anyway.

He literally hasn't dated since highschool! If you could even count becoming infatuated with the only other gay kid in class as dating. He’s 31 now and has no idea what real actual adult dating is like. He wouldn't know how to approach someone if they walked up to him and clocked him in the face.

Finishing his banana, he chucks the peel in the garbage. The phone is still in his hand and he returns to the video of the man. He clicks on his profile and scrolls. God, he is so pathetic, stalking someone's page like this, a dumb Instagram model with a million followers no less. He isn't really Iruka's type anyway.

He drags a hand through his hair which is loose from its usual ponytail and still slightly damp from his shower. He needs to get out more. Meet someone. _Someones_ maybe.

Dating though...he shivers at the idea. He feels like he missed his chance at normal regular dating. People usually date around in their 20s don't they? Have a couple partners before they get too old and settle down? Iruka has only ever been with one person. Dedicated a huge part of his youth and young adult life to that one person and then it all collapsed under him. 

He isn't sure he wants to jump right into that again. Something so serious that is. He regrets wasting so much of his life on someone who probably never really loved him to begin with. It would be nice to get back into the game with something not so daunting, something that he doesn’t have to dedicate his life to. But the longer he waits the worse he feels. 4 years is a long time to go without any practice. Sometimes he worries he won't even remember how to kiss. Sometimes he even thinks he forgets what it feels like.

Sex. He needs sex. Zero complication sex. He craves the intimacy, desires to gain the experiences he missed out on as a closted and confused teenager, and then as a monogamous adult. Something casual and easy where, even if he is fucking terrible, it won’t matter because he won’t ever see the person again. Yes, that is what he needs. A one night stand. Just to remind himself what it feels like.

This is something people do isn't it? Casual sex? This is something he can do, right? _Right?_

He closes Instagram and pulls up the app store on his phone, fingers moving before his mind can even catch up.

Downloading the app is the easy part. He looks at the time once more and laughs at himself. It really is almost 3am and he is standing in his kitchen downloading fucking grindr. 

Creating the profile is a little harder. Iruka can't think of the proper way to sum up his existence in one short sentence. He decides to keep it simple, putting his age and cutting right to the chase by adding, "bottom leaning switch." He pauses before ending it with, "looking for hookups only."

He feels fucking stupid doing it. It is totally against everything he knows but he is determined to at least try. It doesn't mean he has to actually meet up with anyone or anything. He's just testing the waters, he tells himself.

Scrolling through his camera roll he tries to find some pics to add and feels even more stupid in the process. He doesn’t have many pictures of himself and the ones he does have are not terribly interesting. He has one awful front camera selfie of him and a coworker, and another candid shot of him standing in front of the student body at an assembly (which he will absolutely not use on a dating app in an attempt to get some dick up his ass, ok?) Most of the other pictures on his phone are of food or different places he’s been on field trips with students, some quick shots of notes he took for lesson plans or pictures of projects students have made. God, he is boring.

He has older photos of him with his ex that he still hasn't deleted. He thinks he looks ok in them, happy. But he won't use those either, even if he crops out his former lover, it still wouldn't feel right. He doesn’t really look the same as he did back then, anyway.

Which leaves...the photo he took of himself earlier that evening in the gym locker room. He really doesn't want to be one of those guys who posts a shirtless selfie and nothing else, but...

Iruka gives it a final look before submitting, still feeling uneasy at his flushed face and messy hair in the photo, but posts it anyway. At least his face is visible. He can post a shirtless pic but he absolutely will not be the type of person who posts a shirtless pic with his face cropped out. Plus, it feels dishonest.

The scar across his face is such a prominent feature. He has gotten used to seeing it now, but at first it was hard. Better to show it right away if he does actually meet up with someone, else they will probably feel lied to, or grossed out.

Whenever he first meets someone it's all they ever look at. He can always tell when someone is struggling to hold his gaze, instead falling lower to hover over the raised discolored skin. He knows it isn’t the most attractive thing in the world.

Profile posted and now complete, he shuffles back to his bedroom, refusing to even look at the app any longer. He launches himself into bed and covers his face in his hands and groans.

He feels completely silly, sure that it will probably be a lost cause anyway.

* * *

Surprisingly, he manages to fall asleep. He wakes up early, gets ready for work without even thinking once about his late night act of desperation.

It isn't until his lunch hour, when the kids are out for their lunch and recess break, that he takes out his phone and notices he has a few new notifications.

 _Oh god_ , he thinks and laughs a little at himself, having completely forgotten. This will probably be funny.

He has a couple messages of just "hey" from a few men he wouldn't be interested in anyway, and a little conversation starter from a man that he thinks, "Oh hell no, absolutely not you are older than my last 3 foster parents combined," and then another by someone calling him "sweetheart," which makes him want to gag. Pretty much what he expected.

There is only one message that catches his eye.

**_I can give you what you want._ **

Is all it says, but for some reason it makes Iruka's face burn. Something about it is written so matter of fact, like the man on the other side of the screen already knows just how Iruka will react.

He finds himself typing out a response, realizing how ridiculous it is to be responding to something like this in the middle of the day. The original message was sent at 3:30am. It is 12pm now of the next day. They probably won't even answer him.

_**How do you know what I want?**_

Iruka writes. Just because he wrote he wanted a hook up doesn't mean this guy is allowed to just assume.

He clicks on his profile then, figuring he should at least check him out.

And of course, Iruka rolls his eyes, he is one of those guys who posts nothing but shirtless selfies, none of which include his face.

He has a nice body though, fit like Iruka but not as cut as him, and a bit more bulky. There is some softness in his stomach, but Iruka can tell he’s strong, can see the muscles in his arms and chest. He has a tattoo of something on his left shoulder.

Iruka bites his lip as he flips through the 3 photos he has. One that cuts off right at his jawline, sharp above his long neck that leads down to his toned chest, a light dusting of hair there that leads down further. The next is a little lower, just chest and a little below his stomach and Iruka can tell he is flexing. The grey sweatpants he is wearing are riding very very low on his hips, the material leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination with how it bulges in the front. He looks...big.

The third pic is a mirror shot, but again his face is cropped out. He has one arm thrown up over his head, out of frame. The long line of his stretched arm and torso create a sensual curve that Iruka’s eyes follow right down to the tilt of his hips. He is wearing tight red boxer briefs, and the color looks nice against his pale skin. The top of his legs are in frame, and his thighs are thick with muscle, light hair covering them that gets thicker and darker closer to his pelvis. Again, the material of his boxers aren't hiding anything. Iruka stares.

He jumps when his phone vibrates.

A message.

**_Tell me._ **

Before Iruka can even think to respond another one follows.

**_Tell me and I will give it to you._ **

Iruka clicks out of the photos and looks at his written bio. It is short and to the point. " _34\. Verse._ "

That makes Iruka roll his eyes again. Typical that he wouldn't write anything of substance. 

Still, he finds himself pausing and actually thinks for a moment. What does he want? He doesn't even really know himself. He thinks he knows, but does he?

**_Something uncomplicated._**

**_You want to get fucked?_ **

The response is quick.

**_I can do that for you. I can fuck you real good._ **

Iruka blinks at the screen. There is a moment where he is hyper aware that he is in his classroom, little desks and little chairs lined up in front of him. He should not be having this conversation right now.

_**Mighty confident.**_

He writes, because he can't stop himself.

**_I can prove it to you, if you'll let me._ **

Again, there is a quick string of messages before Iruka can get a word in.

**_I would love to get my hands on you._ **

**_Take you apart and put you back together._ **

**_Make sure you are picture perfect before destroying you again._ **

**_I could make you cum so many times you'll forget your own name._ **

**_Paint those washboard abs you got with it and then lick them clean._ **

Iruka's face is hot as he reads, not expecting such an onslaught of filth. His stomach clenches as if he can already feel a tongue there, dipping between the groves of his muscles and lapping at his skin.

**_I bet you got a pretty cock to go with that body of yours. I'd love for you to let me see it._ **

He practically chokes at that. God, could this guy be anymore forward? Although, he supposes that is what he asked for isn’t it? He told himself he needed to get laid. He told himself he wanted something quick and easy. He just wasn't expecting it to be this quick and this easy…

**_You have to let me see your face first._**

He won't entertain this guy any longer if he doesn't show his face. These pictures could be of anyone. They might not even be pictures of him.

**_Send me your number. I’ll text you._ **

Iruka waits a beat before deciding, fuck it, and texts him his cell number.

The bell rings, signaling recess is over, and thank god because Iruka can really not handle this right now. He needs a breather.

His students pile back into his classroom and he takes a deep breath, happily welcoming the familiarity. 

Standing from his desk he looks over his students who all take their seats in quick order. Too quickly actually. His phone and the conversation on it is forgotten in a flash.

He eyes them suspiciously, hands on his hips. “Ok, what is it?”

No answer. They all blankly stare at him, posing with fake innocence.

It doesn’t take him long to figure out what is wrong, or rather, what is missing.

“Where is Naruto?” No wonder the class is so quiet, his loudest student isn’t to be found. “Why didn’t he come in from recess with the rest of you?”

No answer again. He flicks his eyes between them, landing on a student he knows is usually wrapped up in Naruto’s drama.

“Don’t look at me.” He says, waving a hand as if to brush him off. “I told him he was being stupid.”

Iruka is about to bark _stupid doing what exactly?_ When another student interrupts him.

“Iruka-sensei, we told him to come inside but he wouldn’t listen.” He turns his head to look at the little girl, waiting for an explanation that doesn’t come.

“Is something wrong, Sakura?” He pushes.

“No he just-” She starts.

“Iruka-sensei,” another little girl pipes up. Hinata. She barely ever speaks, and when she does her voice is soft, almost hard to hear. “We found a bunny nest and he-”

“A bunny nest?” He cuts her off, surprised. He was expecting something bad, a prank gone wrong, a small fire, something - anything, but not a bunny nest.

“Naruto won’t leave the dumb things alone.” Another student, leaning back with his feet up on his desk, chair teetering dangerously on its back two legs. 

“Kiba put your feet down and sit correctly before you fall over,” he says. “Everyone stay here.”

He runs quickly across the hall, interrupting another class. “Anko-sensei, please keep an eye on my students for a moment.”

“Naruto again?” She asks with a smirk. Iruka nods, already turning to run down the hall. 

Iruka rushes out into the yard where the students have recess. It isn’t hard to spot Naruto. He can see him a mile away with his spikey blond hair out in the kickball field.

“Naruto.” He comes up next to the boy, hunched over in the grass. He removed his trademark bright orange hoodie, instead it's bundled up in his lap. Iruka leans over him. 

Naruto used to be one of his worst students, back when Iruka first started teaching, but over the years he began to grow quite fond of him. They have a lot in common, both being orphans, and Iruka feels a strong desire to protect him because of it.

“Naruto.” He says again, squatting next to him. “What’s up?”

“I can’t leave them here.” The boy looks up at him, and when he turns Iruka can see the little hole in the ground he was blocking.

Sure enough, there is a group of tiny, adorable bunnies huddled up in the ground. “Naruto, it’s ok they’ll be-”

“Iruka-sensei!” he practically shouts. “They’re all on their own! We can’t leave them by themselves like this!” 

It’s then that Iruka realizes just why Naruto has his hoodie bundled up on his lap.

“They’re all on their own.” Naruto says quietly this time. He turns to the heap cradled in his arms. Inside his hoodie is a fully grown rabbit, dead.

Iruka stares down at the crown of the boys head sadly. When Naruto looks back up at him, his eyes go over his head and he looks into the sky. Iruka turns to follow his gaze.

A hawk, flying ahead, waiting.

“She died protecting them.” Iruka says, eyes watching the bird as it circles overhead. “She is a good mother.”

“But they’re alone and now they’ll die too.” Naruto responds with a sniff.

“No they won't.” Iruka answers. “C’mere.”

He grabs Naruto by his armpits and forces him to stand. He then takes the animal from his arms, still in his hoodie. Iruka will have to buy him a new one. It’s Naruto’s favorite and Iruka knows his foster parents won't bother to replace it.

They gather the bunnies from their nest, Naruto giggling as they squirm, and in the now empty hole Iruka gently lays down their mother.

They don’t say anything, but they share a moment of silence after burying her. Iruka wraps an arm around Naurto’s shoulders as he holds the babies. So, he guesses his classroom has a group of pet bunnies to look after now. He’ll have to buy a cage.

* * *

Iruka doesn't look at his phone again until he’s finally leaving for the day. He did buy a cage for the bunnies, and spent a few hours after class getting everything set up for them. Actually, he feels quite excited, knowing he can work some lesson plans around caring for the little things. His students were also in a good mood for the rest of the day, equally excited about the cute new additions to the classroom.

Iruka is fucking exhausted by the end of it all though, but even still is determined to hit the gym before heading home. He’s already changed into his gym clothes and is walking to his car when he notices a new text.

It’s from a number he doesn’t recognize, and the little bubble that pops up says _Image._ He frowns in confusion at it _._

 _Oh right,_ he almost forgot, _that guy_. Iruka clicks the attachment, half expecting a dick pic.

It isn't though. Instead, it is a picture of a man, shoulders up, with steel grey hair and a slightly darker root, styled in a haphazard, messy short choppy look. That’s really all Iruka can see though, because in the photo he holds up a dog in one hand. Iruka recognizes it as a pug, tucked close to the man's chest, covering half his face as he nuzzles into the scruff of its neck. One eye is peeking out behind the adorable puppy's face.

It isn't a full face shot, but it is enough for Iruka. Because _dog_ . He loves dogs. And clearly today is the day of cute animals taking advantage of Iruka. Plus, with the rest of the other photos, he can piece enough of him together to know he is _hot_. Sharp jawline, buff body, thick uhhhh...well, anyway maybe he will entertain this man a little longer after all.

Iruka texts back with a big smile on his face. 

**_Puppy!_ **

He gets in his car and starts driving to the gym, forcing himself not to look at his phone until he arrives. When he gets there, there is no response, which is fine. Iruka wouldn’t be surprised if the guy lost interest anyway.

In the weight room he manages to get through his stretching routine before he gets another text.

**_Pakkun._ **

Iruka pauses.

**_Uh you or the dog?_ **

Then he throws his phone near his water bottle on the ground, determined to ignore it while he works out. He isn't used to having a distraction.

He pulls out one of the gyms 30 inch boxes and does a quick air squat before leaping up onto it.

30 of these, he thinks, then 30 burpees, and then 30 more box jumps, and then rinse repeat until he can't feel his legs anymore.

He is absolutely drenched in sweat by the time he takes a breather to look at his phone.

**_The dog._ **

**_I am Kakashi._ **

Kakashi, Iruka repeats in his head. He looks at the time. It's been about an hour. His legs hurt from the box jumps and his arms ache from pushing himself up with every burpee. He thinks he can get 20 minutes in on the rower, maybe bang out a set of power cleans, before stretching again and heading home.

**_Iruka._ **

He types and leaves it at that.

When he finishes his workout he heads into the locker room with his phone in one hand and his water bottle in the other. He takes long pulls on the water bottle, practically inhaling the fluid as he breathes heavily through his nose. He peeks down at his phone as he does, reading the new text from Kakashi.

**_So, Iruka, you work out?_ **

Iruka rolls his eyes, dropping the bottle from his lips. He knows it is a joke question. Everyone always teases him for being a so called “gym rat,” which he does not consider himself to be by any means. Gym rats are obnoxious and annoying about their workouts and he isn't like that at all. It isn't like it is his life or anything...he has other things going on besides his workout routine...

He clears his throat before typing out a reply. _Yeah. Ok._ He needs to get laid.

**_Just leaving the gym now._ **

**_Take a picture._ **

A quick response this time.

Iruka stops and chews on his lip, feeling unsure. There are 2 other people in the locker room but they’re busy, facing their own lockers and focusing on themselves. He faces the full length mirror for the second time that week and takes a look at himself.

He looks like a real mess, having really pushed himself today. His grey tank top is absolutely soaked with sweat, and his hair is dripping wet too. Some pieces have fallen out of his ponytail and they stick to the sides of his face. He feels gross, not hot.

His phone buzzes again. 

**_I want to see you._ **

Kakashi adds, like he can sense Iruka's hesitation.

Iruka takes a deep breath through his nose, not believing that he’s actually doing this. He points his phone at his reflection. Before snapping a pic, he tugs up the corner of his tank, showing off a bit of his stomach. His face burns as he does.

He doesn't even look at it before deciding it is good enough, not wanting to be caught taking multiple pictures in the gym locker room like some kind of self-obsessed freak, and sends it before he can second guess himself.

**_Fuck you are hot._ **

Iruka wipes his face with his towel, still biting at his lip as he reads the words over and over again.

They aren't even nice words. They’re just words and nothing special about them. But they are raw and they feel honest, and Iruka hasn't felt this desire directed at him in a long long time. Even before he broke up with his ex the fire of desire they had for each other had long gone cold.

_**I'm gross and sweaty lol.** _

He doesn't know how to deal with the overt show of attention.

**_You look good like that._ **

Kakashi answers right away. 

**_You look absolutely wrecked and it is beautiful._ **

Iruka coughs into his towel, taken aback. He puts his phone away for a moment while he gathers his things, changes his clothes quickly and throws on a big hoodie before walking back out into the cold.

He walks to his car, duffle bag thrown over his shoulder. His phone is burning a hole in his pocket. He isn't sure how to respond to the unanswered text. Wrecked and beautiful are not words he is used to hearing together, let alone directed at him.

When he sits in the driver's seat he feels his phone vibrate some more.

**_I bet you look even better while getting fucked._ **

**_Hard and dripping and begging for it._ **

Iruka's ears are ringing and his heart hammers in his chest. He drags a hand over his face and groans. Who does this guy think he is? Who just says stuff like this?

He takes a deep breath in his dark and empty car before replying.

**_I don't beg._ **

He wants to at least be a little bit difficult, even if in reality he can feel himself reacting, can feel the heat pool in his stomach, likes the attention, wants more of it, likes the idea of this hot mystery man giving it to him, even if it is only just for a little while.

_**No?** _

Iruka can practically hear the taunt threaded throughout the digital text.

**_No._ **

He fights back a smile. 

**_That sounds like a challenge._ **

**_Maybe it is._ **

**_I accept._ **

Iruka is about to retort when another text comes through, an image. "Holy shit," he breathes out loud.

On his screen is a picture of the man, Kakashi, laid back on a bed, torso inclined upward against the headboard. He is shirtless and once again his face is halfway cut out of the frame, but visible enough that Iruka can see his jawline, and his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. He has a beauty mark right under the left side of his lips. 

His cock is out, and as Iruka could guess before, he is big. Big and thick and hard and his hand is wrapped around the head in a tight grip, mid tugging motion. His stomach is flexing as he does, abs tight. Iruka's own cock twitches at the sight of it.

**_I've been hard since you sent me that pic._ **

The man named Kakashi writes before Iruka's brain can even catch up to him. 

**_You look so fucking good if I saw you in that gym I'd fuck you right there._ **

**_Wouldnt even care who else was around._ **

**_Throw you against the nearest wall and have you spread open on this cock screaming for it for everyone to see_ **

"Oh my god." Iruka has a hand over his mouth as he reads, practically drooling at the idea. He never considered himself an exhibitionist but the words combined with the image are enough to make him groan out loud into the quiet space of his car.

**_Youd like that wouldnt you?_ **

He keeps going, and Iruka can see where he has stopped caring about grammar and punctuation, further driving home the fact that he is probably texting with one hand, the other busy. And wow, the thought of that alone...all because of Iruka? Because of that one gross gym selfie? Iruka's skin feels like it is on fire.

**_Or maybe you wouldbt?_ **

He isn't finished apparently. 

**_Maybe youd rather me pull you inbthe bathroom stall and try and keep you quiet while I sucked you off?_ **

**_Let me see how nice your cock is send me a pic_ **

**_If it's as pretty as you are I'll worship it I bet it is_ **

**_Id let you fuck my face with jt let you take whatever you need til you cum down my throat_ **

God, and if it doesn't read just as desperate as Iruka feels.

**_Let me see you_ **

**_I'm driving._ **

Iruka finally responds. He isn't but he is sitting in his car hard as hell and he needs to get home, but he can't tear his eyes away from the screen. 

**_You're making me drive with a hard_ **

**_on dont you know how difficult that is?_ **

**_Ah._ **

A short response and Iruka is worried he has fucked everything up already.

When he is about to type out _wait please keep going dont stop_ his phone vibrates again.

Another picture.

This time his hand is at the base of his cock, holding himself loose with fingers spread, and his one leg is hiked up, exposing more of his ass. Iruka can see the thick swollen head, dark and wet. It is a really inviting image. Irula wants to settle between his thighs and wrap his lips around it. And he is actually surprised by the feeling. He hasn't felt this type of pure hunger in a long time and even though Kakashi said he wanted to worship Iruka's cock, Iruka just wants to return the favor.

He never thought of cocks as pretty, and no one has ever described his as pretty either. Kakashi asked if his is, but Iruka doesn't really think so. He thinks it’s an odd thing to say to begin with. It isn't something he has ever thought about before, but looking at Kakashi's he thinks, yes. Kakashi has a pretty cock.

**_I'll wait for you then._ **

Is the message that follows the image. 

**_Get home and when you do send me_ **

**_a pic of that hard on and I'll help you take care of it._ **

**_Ok._ **

Iruka feels completely over heated despite the fact that it is night time in January and he is sitting outside in his cold car that he hasn't even bothered to turn on yet.

He throws his phone down into the cup holder and drags his hands over his face again before he composes himself enough to drive home. He drives as fast as he can, wanting to get home as soon as possible before Kakashi gets bored and this whole ordeal is done before it’s even started.

Running up the three flights to his apartment with sore legs and a hard on is way more difficult than it should be. Iruka juggles with his duffle bag, trying to keep it in front of his crotch as he takes the steps two at a time, his thighs screaming all the way.

He fumbles on the last few steps, curses out loud. He looks both ways down the hall to make sure he isn't about to have an awkward run in with his elderly neighbor.

Quickly he fights with his keys trying to unlock the door with speedy efficiency. Once inside, he drops his bag to the ground, slams the door shut and leans his back against it, breathing heavily for no reason. He could blame his work out but enough time has passed that he really should have caught his breath by now…

Iruka pulls his phone out of his pocket and stares at the screen. No new messages.

Biting his lip, he opens the text chain with Kakashi and instantly groans at the image that is still there.

**_I'm home._ **

Now what? He is hoping this guy will tell him. His heart is still hammering in his chest with arousal, and now with anxiety as well. He is really doing this isn't he?

**_Mm. Finally. Are you hard?_ **

Kakashi answers. No spelling mistakes, correct grammar. Iruka hopes he didn't already finish.

**_Yes._ **

Iruka replies, swallowing hard as he does. 

**_Let me see._ **

Another quick response. 

Iruka takes a deep breath and closes his eyes to try and center himself, feeling light headed. 

Lifting himself off the door he makes the walk to his bedroom and sheds his hoodie as he does.

Iruka stands beside his bed for a moment, inwardly debating on if he should remove his pants, before deciding yes and kicking them off. He leaves his boxers on, just so he doesn't feel completely ridiculous. For some reason, even though he is alone in the comfort of his bedroom, he feels utterly exposed.

By the time he settles himself against his headboard he’s already received another text.

Another image. He clicks it.

The angle is a little different this time. Iruka can see the line of Kakashi's arm as he holds his phone up, showing the whole side of his body. He can see the way his boxer briefs have been pushed down past his ass, and their placement just emphasizes the plump curve of it. His hand is back gripping the head of his dick as he strokes. 

**_Kept me waiting._ **

Kakashi writes. 

**_Im so fucking hard for you rn._ **

"Ah," Iruka breathes out loud, fumbling with his phone while he tugs down his boxers. His cock springs up once free. He's achingly hard and feels like he might come in less than a second. Guess it's good the guy isn't actually here with him...how embarrassing would that be.

Gripping the base of his dick, he lifts his phone up, trying to ignore his insecurities. He’s never taken a 'sexy' photo before and he doesn't really know how. All he knows is he absolutely cannot back out now.

He switches to the front camera and plays with the angles a bit. He tilts it to focus on his cock.

Iruka knows he is...average at best. It hasn’t ever bothered him before, but after seeing Kakashi’s he can’t help but feel a little self-conscious. Kakashi is _big_ , without a doubt above average. Will he care that Iruka doesn't share that quality?

Well, he won't find out til he takes this stupid picture and sends it, he tells himself. He snaps a pic, not even worrying about the quality, having taken too long, and sends it.

It's similar to the ones Kakashi sent, with just his chest and stomach in the shot, his cock hard in his hand.

Iruka feels like he has to say something too, like Kakashi has been.

**_I'm hard for you too._ **

His hands are shaky as he types.

**_I see._ **

Kakashi answers. 

**_And what a cute cock you have_ **

**_All hard and aching for me_ **

**_Thank you for showing me_ **

**_You are stunning_ **

**_I want to tocuh you all over_ **

Iruka can feel himself heat up more, slightly taken aback by all the praise.

**_Are you touching yourself?_ **

Iruka realizes he actually _isn't_. He is gripping himself tight at his base but otherwise has not moved to stroke himself at all, like he has been waiting.

"Shit." He grumbles, leaning over to his nightstand and throwing the drawer open. He pulls out the bottle of lube he has there and fights with opening the cap and pouring some on himself, all one handed before responding.

 ** _I am.now_**

He doesn't even care about the typo as he finally strokes himself. He can't even help it when he moans out loud.

**_Good._ **

**_Fuck your fist for me._ **

Iruka does, tightens his grip more and thrusts his hips into it.

**_I'm already clpse_ **

Kakashi types and Iruka is grateful that apparently he has a skill for texting while jerking off as that is a skill Iruka does _not_ possess.

**_Been thinking about how youd feel on my cock_ **

**_Wanna fuck you so bad_ **

**_Wnna feel you Iruka_ **

And even reading his name is a lot. Just knowing the other man is thinking of him enough to type his name...not just his pictures but him, _actually_ him. Not a nameless body.

 _ **I want that** _

Iruka manages to type out. And fuck he absolutely does, he feels like he is about to burst at the seams with how much he wants it.

**_Dont worry I'll give it to yiu_ **

Kakashi sends.

**_ill give you every last thing you need_ **

**_fuck you so good_ **

**_make you cum_ **

**_are you close now?_ **

**_Yes_**

Iruka answers quickly, his fist moving faster and his breath coming out quicker.

_**That's right keep touching yourself for me tell me how close you are for me** _

_**Im close** _

Iruka struggles to type with one hand. 

**_Want you to touch me_ _wish you were here_**

**_God I would be all over you rn if I was there_ **

**_Gey my mouth all over you_ **

**_Suck that cute little cock of yours and then fuck the shit out of you_ **

"Oh god," Iruka moans out loud and jerks his hips up. His whole body shakes and the fights to text his next words. 

**_Im gonna cum_ **

**_Yes cum for me me too wanna see you cum_ **

It hits him hard. His whole body tenses with it as his back bows. 

_"A-ahh,"_ he can't help but pant loudly as he comes, his phone gripped tightly in his hand clenched towards his chest.

"Holy shit," he breathes, feeling his heart pound rapidly against his ribcage.

He is still catching his breath when his phone vibrates again.

A picture.

Kakashi's cock is laying flush against his thigh, soft, his stomach covered in his own release, similar to Iruka's. 

**_Did you cum?_ **

Are the words that accompany the image.

Iruka decides to answer with his own picture.

He quickly turns his phone back on himself and snaps a similar photo, making sure to show the evidence of his pleasure on his abs.

**_Beautiful._ **

Kakashi types when he receives the image. 

**_Why dont you clean that mess of yours up_ **

**_Since I am not there to do it for you_ **

Iruka's spent cock manages a twitch at that. He instantly knows what he is referencing, suddenly remembering the message he sent earlier. How he said he would _lick him clean..._

Before Iruka even knows what he is doing he dips his fingers into the groove of his muscles, dragging them through his own mess.

It drips off of them as he lifts them up to his face. He sticks out his tongue to collect it at the same time and holds up his phone.

The picture is absolutely filthy and he sends it to Kakashi while his blood boils in a mix of shame and arousal.

His dark skin hides his flush but even so, it’s noticeable that he’s flustered in the image. The way his eyes are half closed, mouth open and slack, lips swollen from how much he had been biting them and hair a mess. There is a sheen of sweat on his brow and against his collar bones. His fingers glisten with his own come and his tongue is frozen in time as it moves to wrap around them. 

It is absolutely the most erotic thing Iruka has ever done. He can't even look at the photo himself, not quite believing it is actually him.

He tosses his phone down on the bed next to him and rests his head back. It makes a soft _'thump'_ noise as it hits the headboard.

Part of him still can’t even believe he just did that. Everything seemed to happen so quickly.

Minutes pass as he focuses on his breathing and tries to get his heart rate back to normal. It is quiet in his room, so quiet that he would have heard the vibration of his phone if he received a new message. He hasn’t. It stays quiet.

Kakashi hasn't responded to his text. To his photo.

Iruka starts to worry. Maybe it was a bad photo. He got caught up in the moment and did something he shouldn’t have, pushed his luck. Embarrassment clouds over him, ruining the high he felt just moments before.

"Fuck," he groans and shifts his body to swing his legs over the side of the bed.

Maybe it's because it’s the first close up shot Kakashi has seen of his face. Every pic he sent before was a body shot. Maybe he didn't notice the big scar, maybe he thinks it is ugly. Maybe he thinks _Iruka_ is ugly.

Iruka forces himself to stand and drags himself to the bathroom, leaving his phone abandoned on his bed. He pulls his hair out of its ponytail and rakes a hand through it. His reflection stares back at him and he sighs, still flushed and sweaty.

"This is so embarrassing," he mumbles. He can't believe he allowed himself such a moment of vulnerability.

Leaning over the sink, he turns on the faucet and splashes some water on his face. He should shower. He has to go to work in the morning and he feels disgusting but every bone in his body aches and he really just wants to go to bed.

When he picks his head up, he looks back at himself. Looks at the scar that permanently marks his skin. The slightly raised skin discolored and cutting through the dark complexion of the rest of him. It looks ugly. He misses looking normal. His throat feels tight and he squeezes his eyes shut.

Iruka decides not to shower and just wipes himself down as best as possible before heading back to bed.

Before crawling into the covers, he picks up his forgotten phone and tries not to get his hopes up.

4 unread messages. He holds his breath.

**_Fuck you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen._ **

**_Yoire so sexy I want to kiss the taste out your mouth_ **

**_Taste your cum on your lips_ **

**_God youre gonna get me going again holy shit_ **

Iruka lets out the breath he was holding and stares at the screen, his skin flushing all over again. He bites his lip, feeling dumb for worrying so much over nothing. He isn’t used to this.

**_You keep talking like that_ **

**_and there will be a round 2._ **

Iruka decides to tell him, because good lord this man is too good at dirty talk. Iruka thinks, if he keeps this up, he will never _not_ be sporting a hard on.

 _ **Oh yes I like you** _

Kakashi responds, and Iruka can tell there is mischief there.

It shouldn't make Iruka feel the way it does.

**_I have to actually work tomorrow which means waking up early_ **

**_so we probably should stop here._ **

**_Yeah me too._ **

Iruka crawls into bed then, feeling better, relieved. 

**_I am serious about seeing you tho._ **

Kakashi adds after a minute or two. 

**_In person._ **

Iruka pauses and thinks on it, text box open.

Should he meet this guy in person? Is it a good idea? It feels strange to think they've already done something so intimate before meeting face to face. Would he even be able to look him in the eye? 

**_Ok._ **

Iruka makes his choice. He wants this. He _needs_ this. It has been way too long since he felt the touch of another person and he misses it so badly. He is tired of being so pathetically alone. 

**_How about this weekend?_ **

**_Sounds like a date_ **

His heart skips a beat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heellloooo!! this wasn't supposed to be this long, i swear. my 3 chapter goal may have just been changed to a 4 chapter goal. we shall see.
> 
> thank you to everyone who read and extra thanks to those who left comments/kudos. it means a lot, truly!
> 
> this is unbeta'd - because i like to live dangerously.

Friday. That's the day they agree upon. Iruka spends the rest of the week adamantly _not thinking about it_ because if he does he will just end up overthinking it.

 _It isn't a date._ He keeps reminding himself, because _it isn't._ There's no dinner and a movie, no picnic at the park, no whatever fucking bullshit is usually involved with 'dates.' It's sex. Only sex. That much was made obvious with how Kakashi's text conversation dwindled down to nothing but, " _should I bring the condoms or do you have some?"_

That's totally fine with Iruka. It's weird. He feels nervous while simultaneously _not_ feeling nervous. Since it isn't a date he doesn't have to impress this guy. The chances of them seeing each other again are slim. Which means, Iruka is fine to fuck up and make an ass out of himself. It's kind of a freeing feeling.

On the other hand though...the idea of being so vulnerable with a complete stranger. That part is a little scary.

That's part of the reason why they agree to meet at Iruka's. Iruka thinks he will feel safer in his own home. If anything bad happens he can always just kick the man out. It seems better than the other option of being stuck in a stranger's home with no way out if things get awkward - or worse tied up and kidnapped, locked in the basement.

When Friday comes, Iruka tries his best to treat it like a regular day. He gets up, goes to work, and finishes his day with a work out like he would normally. _It isn't a date._ So, there isn't any need for him to go out of his way to treat today like anything special.

Iruka showers just to get the sweat off of him. When he's done he towel dries his hair like always and throws it into a ponytail.

Getting dressed he isn't sure what to wear. Iruka knows the object of the night is to get the clothes off, so he wonders if maybe he should just wear sweatpants for easy removal. Although, while it might not be a _date date_ , he still wants to look presentable. After an unnecessary long time he finally just throws on a pair of dark blue jeans and a maroon henley.

Kakashi is supposed to come over at 9 o'clock. Iruka wastes some time by puttering around his apartment and making sure things are at least neat. 

Earlier in the week he washed his sheets and scrubbed his shower, because it just seemed like the _polite_ thing to do, but he isn't really sure what the proper protocol for this type of arrangement is.

Iruka pauses in his kitchen. Is he expected to have something prepared? Should he have drinks or food? He knows it isn't really a dinner type of situation - but it goes against his nature to not have anything to offer someone when they come into his home.

Iruka dusts off an old bottle of wine he's had sitting in his cabinet for a while. He isn't a big drinker so he's just been waiting for a special occasion to open it. _Getting laid for the first time in 4 years._ _Yeah. Cheers to that._ He leaves it on the counter, ready to open when Kakashi arrives.

Once satisfied he plops down on his couch and...waits.

9 o'clock comes and goes and Iruka's anxiety starts to escalate. His heart pounds in his chest harder and harder with every passing minute. 

He checks his phone. No messages. Kakashi did text him earlier in the day to confirm their meeting but otherwise nothing. In fact, they hadn't texted that much at all. A couple passing comments here and there but overall, nothing special. Certainly nothing like their first conversation. Iruka was ok with that, figuring it was best to save it all for the main event, so to speak.

Except now he was feeling nervous. Maybe this guy changed his mind? Maybe he got bored with Iruka? Should Iruka have done more to keep him interested?

9:25 and nothing. Iruka's leg bounces up and down with pent up uneasiness. He wants to text him _Hello are you lost???_ But he doesn't want to come off as needy...

"What the fuck." He grumbles and pushes himself up off the couch. "I need a drink."

The wine he was saving for Kakashi's arrival is uncorked and Iruka wastes no time pouring himself a glass. Even if Kakashi doesn't show he doubts he will have a problem finishing the whole thing himself.

 _Did he get stood up?_ Iruka gulps down his glass of wine and quickly refills it. Taking another big mouthful he slumps over his counter, feeling dejected _._

He manages to finish his second glass before there is a knock on his door. The sound makes him jump.

Iruka glances at his phone. 9:45. Is this guy really a whole 45 minutes late? _What a fucking asshole._

Feeling bold from the wine and ready to give this guy a piece of his mind, he rushes to the door and jerks it open aggressively.

Iruka's about to hurl a couple obscenities at the man standing on the other side when he stops dead in his tracks. His mouth hands open slack in surprise and whatever he was about to yell dies on his tongue.

"Yo." Kakashi greets, one hand raised in a casual wave and the other shoved in his pocket.

Iruka stares. A minute passes. He can't stop staring.

"Uh." Kakashi says after Iruka still has not moved to welcome him inside. "Sorry I'm a little late." 

"Sorry!" Iruka says back a little too loudly and mentally shakes himself out of his stupor. "Um. Come in. Please."

"Thank you." Kakashi takes a step inside and removes his shoes as Iruka watches. He is wearing a black leather jacket over a faded black shirt and grey dark wash jeans. He looks fucking _good_ , but Iruka isn't even focusing on that.

What he can't tear his eyes away from, what made him stop in his tracks right when he opened the door, is his face.

His gorgeous, beautiful face - and more specifically, the scar that runs through his left eye. It starts from his forehead, bisecting his eye right down the middle, through his cheek, and ending just before his lips.

Suddenly the cropped photos make all the sense in the world.

"Hi." Iruka says stupidly. They are still standing in the doorway, just looking at each other.

Kakashi laughs at him. It's a breathy easy sound. "Hi."

Iruka suddenly realizes he is doing that thing that he hates and just _staring_ so he quickly turns away.

He clears his throat and motions for Kakashi to follow him further into his apartment.

"Um. Do you want anything to drink? I have wine." He mumbles, feeling too nervous to even look Kakashi in the face again. 

Keeping his back to Kakashi, he walks into his kitchen planning to locate another glass for his guest. While his face is turned away he scolds himself. _Act fucking normal you idiot._

"No that's ok, thank you." Kakashi stops him. "I don't drink."

"Oh." Iruka turns back around and almost jumps with how close the other man is to him. He didn't realize how closely Kakashi was following him.

Iruka's kitchen is not large. It feels crowded in the small space. Iruka lets out a nervous laugh.

"Do you mind if I-?" He doesn't finish his sentence but gestures to his own unfinished glass on the counter next to them. Briefly he feels dumb for not thinking of the possibility that the other man may not drink. He hopes it isn't because he has a problem or something...

Kakashi shakes his head. "By all means."

"Oh thank god." He can't help but say in a quick rush, and picks up the glass to down it in one gulp. _Yeah he needs to be at least a little tipsy for this._

Kakashi laughs again, and his voice suits everything else about him. Deep and sexy, calm and relaxed. Iruka can't help but imagine that voice saying the dirty things he was texting him before and _holy shit._

"You ok?" Kakashi asks with mild amusement in his voice.

Iruka allows himself to look him in the eye. He holds his gaze. They are close. Less than an arms length apart. Iruka wants to reach out and touch. He can do that right? That's what this is all about right? Iruka still feels weird about just jumping into sex, but Kakashi is standing so close and the way he is looking at him is anything but innocent. Iruka keeps staring at him, unsure what to do.

"I'm sorry." He says again. "I just wasn't expecting --" 

He cuts himself off. What was he even going to say? _I wasn't expecting you to have a scar like me? I wasn't expecting you to be so fucking devastatingly good-looking?_ Neither option feels correct.

"It's alright," Kakashi assures him with a shrug. Iruka gives him a curious eye. There is something so _effortless_ about him. It's kind of frustrating.

"It's just uh," Iruka averts his eyes and clears his throat, tries again. He picks up the bottle of wine and tips the remainder of it into his glass. "It's been a while." 

He hopes that will explain why he is being so weird and not the scar thing. It's just that he has never met anyone else like him before. Never seen someone else with such a noticeable mark on their face like his own. It feels…he can't really pinpoint what this feeling in his chest is but he thinks maybe it is relief? Happiness? Excitement?

"Ah." Kakashi says, cutting him off from his thoughts. "Now I understand."

Iruka stares at him with big eyes. "Understand what?"

"Why someone like you would be restoring to using grindr," Kakashi answers. He shifts his weight, moves half a step forward.

"Someone like me..?" Iruka breathes quietly, hyper aware of Kakashi's movements.

"Yeah." He says, and his voice drops low as he tilts his head to speak into Iruka's ear. "Someone as sexy as you shouldn't need the help of a dating app."

Iruka actually laughs at that, effectively ruining the moment.

"I am not." He waves a hand to brush off the compliment, but smiles anyway. Iruka is aware of what he looks like. Even still, he doesn't get approached by other men very often, so it still feels weird to receive any positive attention. He isn’t quite sure how to handle it.

"You kidding?" Kakashi continues, and reaches a hand out to tug at the hem of Iruka's shirt, playfully pulling it up. "Looking the way you do?"

Iruka pulls away with what could only be described as an embarrassing giggle. "Stop."

Iruka picks the wine glass up again just to have something to do. He takes a sip and hopes the action hides his awkwardness. They're close enough now that the glass acts as the only barrier between them. Iruka keeps it in front of his lips and peers over the rim at the other man. He wants this, he really does, but he is stalling for some reason.

It doesn't deter Kakashi, who calmly reaches a hand up and plucks the glass from Iruka's fingers. He places it on the counter before giving Iruka his full attention, hands now settling on his hips.

Even just the little touch is a lot. Iruka went so long without anything that he forgot what it felt like to have someone touch him with intention - and the intention is very clear here with Kakashi. Just the simple touch of a hand on his hip tingles. He feels himself reacting very quickly. Iruka holds his breath and waits for the next move.

"I've been thinking about you all week," Kakashi says and _ok yeah._ This man really isn't messing around, wastes no time getting right to the point. _They're doing this._ Iruka can feel his heat radiating off his body and it seeps into his own skin. It burns and Iruka wants more of it. Kakashi's eyes stare into his own. Iruka notices the one with the scar has a patch of slight discoloration, a loss of pigment beneath the iris.

"Yeah?" Iruka asks, and it comes out as a whisper. His eyes fall down to Kakashi's lips. The beauty mark he has on the left side beneath them is actually quite cute.

"Yeah," Kakashi answers. One hand slowly comes up to rest on Iruka's cheek. Kakashi's eyes flick over his face, waiting for a sign. Iruka knows he is giving him a chance to back away, to change his mind. Iruka doesn't take it.

 _This is it._ Iruka thinks as finally Kakashi closes the gap between them and they kiss. _This is really happening._

Kakashi is gentle at first, moving his lips slowly across Iruka's, letting him adjust. Iruka pushes into it. He opens his mouth, slides his tongue to meet the plump bottom lip of Kakashi's. It's good. It's nice. Iruka was afraid he wouldn't remember how to do this but it turns out kissing is a lot like riding a bike, and he finds a rhythm quickly. 

The kiss deepens and they shift to feel more of each other. Iruka tilts his head, welcoming Kakashi's tongue into his mouth. The hand on his cheek moves to the back of his neck and Kakashi's nails scrape at his nape - making him gasp. 

The hand on his hip moves to his ass and Kakashi uses the leverage to push their bodies flush together. Iruka can feel his cock through his jeans and he _groans_ into the kiss. Kakashi rocks against him, grips the back of his neck as their tongues slide together. 

Iruka turns feverish with it, like a switch has gone off in his brain. For the past 4 years he repressed his desires and now they are rising to the surface all at once and he _wants,_ he _needs._ He pushes his whole self into Kakashi's body, pours his entire being into the kiss. It is overwhelming how _desperate_ he suddenly feels. His hands claw down Kakashi's chest and he tugs at the lapels of his jacket. 

"Take this off." He demands, lips not even leaving Kakashi's as he breathes the words hotly into his mouth.

Kakashi responds without question and shrugs the jacket off. Iruka fights to keep contact while he does - grips the sides of Kakashi’s face and forces their lips to stay crushed together. It turns sloppy as they struggle to move in tandem. 

The jacket falls to the ground and with Kakashi's hands now free he uses them to pull Iruka's shirt upwards. Iruka takes the hint and raises his arms, lets Kakashi remove the garment from him. It's barely over his head before Kakashi's lips are on his throat, steadily trailing down over his collarbone and towards his chest.

Iruka threads his fingers into his hair, lets his head fall back as he moans.

Everything is happening really quickly. Iruka can't even believe they went from awkwardly staring at each other in his doorway to _this_ in what was essentially less than 10 minutes. 

Kakashi drops smoothly to his knees. He leaves wet open mouthed kisses across Iruka’s stomach, right above the waistline of his jeans. His tongue dips into his bellybutton and Iruka squirms, his ab muscles clenching.

"Fuck," Iruka says. He drops his head forward to take in the sight before him. Kakashi is so sexy it is unreal. Literally, Iruka actually can’t even believe this is real. The man kneels before him, looks up at him with fire in his eyes.

He hooks the fingers of one hand into Iruka's waistband, the other creeps up his torso to explore the smooth expanse of his skin.

"Tell me what you want." And, _fuck,_ his voice is like smoke. Iruka moans at the sound of it alone. He knows he is referencing their first conversation on the app. The thing that got Iruka's attention in the very beginning.

Iruka swallows hard. His fingers are still in Kakashi's hair and he tightens his grip, _pulls._ Kakashi's eyes roll back and Iruka's mouth drops open at the sight. _Holy shit._

"Pretty sure you said you'd make me come so many times I'd forget my own name," Iruka answers. He's only kidding when he says it, but Kakashi's eyes glint up at him with nothing but pure excitement. 

"Oh, you wanna play like that?" Kakashi says, and his lips tilt up in a sly smile. Iruka wants to kiss them again, wants to kiss that stupid sexy little beauty mark he's got like he's fucking sick for it.

Iruka doesn't have a chance to actually respond before suddenly in one quick movement Kakashi is up on his feet and he is lifting Iruka as he stands.

He grabs him at his waist with surprising ease and hoists Iruka over his shoulder. Iruka isn't huge per say, but he is dense with muscle, and frankly has never been literally picked up off the ground like this before. It startles him and he lets out a loud squawk.

"What the hell?!" He shouts as his torso flops forward. He's face first with Kakashi's ass. _Honestly not a bad view._

"Where's your bedroom?" Is all Kakashi says.

Iruka points even though Kakashi can't see him. "Down the hall. Door on the right."

Kakashi turns and heads in that direction. Iruka takes advantage of his position and puts both his hands on Kakashi's thighs, just below his ass, _squeezes._

"Behave yourself back there." Kakashi says in warning as his kicks open Iruka’s bedroom door.

"Well don't manhandle me!" Iruka yells right before his body is slung forward and tossed onto his bed. He lands softly with a little bounce.

"You wanted to play." Kakashi replies, still with that sly smile on his face. He crawls on the bed after Iruka, snakes up his legs and settles between his thighs.

Iruka swallows hard, every smart ass response gone from his mind. Kakashi keeps his eyes locked with Iruka's as he tugs open his pants. Iruka lifts his hips and helps push them down past his ass, just enough to get his cock out. It springs free, already painfully hard.

"You are fucking stunning." Kakashi breathes, now looking at Iruka's cock. He licks his lips. Iruka rolls his hips upward involuntarily.

It's about all the invitation Kakashi needs. He flicks his eyes up to meet Iruka's once more before dropping forward, plunging Iruka's cock into his mouth all the way to the hilt in one fluid motion.

" _Holy shit."_ Iruka gasps. His back arches with the sudden pleasure. His hands fly back to Kakashi's hair and he can't help himself when he tugs roughly. It's too much.

Kakashi doesn't waiver though. If anything, the rough treatment of his scalp spurs him on. His one hand slides up Iruka's torso to push him back down flat, the other stays fingers spread at the base of his cock.

Iruka can actually feel the back of Kakashi's throat, that's how deeply he's taken him. The feeling is like nothing he has experienced before and it is maddening. His breath comes out in short pants as his hips jerk upward in shallow thrusts out of his control.

Kakashi's lets him fuck his mouth. He keeps his lips wrapped around him like a vice and Iruka can feel his throat muscles flexing around him as they work over his cock. Kakashi is absolutely relentless with it, never once faltering as Iruka thrusts into the wet hot heat of him. His tongue is lapping at the underside of his cock while he sucks, drool seeps out the sides of his lips and down to Iruka's balls. It is filthy and sloppy but that's what makes it fucking incredible. Iruka rakes his fingers through his hair, nails scratching at his scalp. 

"Fuck, _Kakashi,"_ Iruka gasps breathlessly. His back arches off the bed again and this time Kakashi doesn't stop him. Iruka's body bows forward, his hands in Kakashi's hair shoving his head further onto his dick. Kakashi takes it all no problem. Sucks and swallows around his cock until Iruka is coming.

" _A-ahh,"_ Iruka moans as he spills down Kakashi's throat. Kakashi lips stay wrapped around him, and the feeling of him swallowing is actually too much for Iruka to handle.

" _Fuck fuck fuck_ ," he hisses, pulls Kakashi off of him by his hair. And Christ, the sight of him when he pulls his lips off of his dick is almost enough to make Iruka come again.

Kakashi is gorgeous. Iruka's hands are tangled in his hair, his dark skin a contrast to the gray strands and the even paler complexion of his face. His cheeks are flushed a slight pink and his lips are bruised red and swollen. His tongue dips out of his mouth to lick at them, catching a line of spit that connects him to Iruka's dick.

Iruka can't help but tug him forward, pull him the rest of the way up his body and kiss him. Kakashi falls into it like he is also desperate for it, and the taste of Iruka on his lips is fucking magnificent.

It's sloppy and uncoordinated but it is fucking _good._ The kiss continues for a few moments until Iruka feels like he can no longer breathe. He drops his hands from Kakashi's head and falls back against his headboard, eyes closed and chest heaving. 

Iruka stays still for a couple minutes, just focusing on breathing, trying to recover from the most incredible blow job of his life. He can hear shuffling around him, can feel Kakashi's weight shift above him.

He opens his eyes just in time to see Kakashi kneeling above him, legs now stradling Iruka’s thighs. He is still completely dressed, minus the jacket. The black t-shirt he has on looks like it must be at least one size too small. Iruka stares at the fabric where it hugs tightly against the man’s pectorals and torso. Kakashi is broad, thick. It’s sexy.

“What’d you do your shopping in the children's section?” Iruka can’t help but tease him.

Kakashi looks down at him, a slight look of surprise on his features, but then he smiles. “Funny. Maybe I should take my _men’s medium_ t-shirt and leave? Is that what you want?”

“No, no,” Iruka tries to sit up, finds his body is actually sore. _Shit, I think he really sucked the soul outta me._ “I just think maybe you should take it off.”

Kakashi’s smile widens a bit. He grips the hem of his tiny t-shirt and pulls it over his head, tossing it to the side. Iruka watches in fascination as more of his pale skin is revealed to him. 

“You’re definitely like a large at least,” Iruka says, eyes raking over him.

“Yeah I am,” Kakashi wiggles his eyebrows, palms the front of his jeans unabashedly.

Iruka shoves him. "Seriously? Get off of me."

Kakashi falls back and laughs. He shifts his weight to get off of Iruka, swings his legs over the edge of the bed.

He pats Iruka’s jean covered thigh. “Take these off. Where’s your lube?”

Iruka moves to start removing his pants. Motions with his head to the nightstand at their right. “Drawer.”

He can hear Kakashi rummaging through the drawer beside him as he focuses on getting completely naked. Hears Kakashi mumble a, “ _what is this?_ ” before his memory kicks in and he panics. 

"No!" Iruka shouts and tries to scramble across the bed, reaching for Kakashi to stop him. His pants are still around his ankles and he doesnt get far. It’s too late.

"Helllloo," Kakashi slurs in a sultry tone, and to Iruka's absolute mortification the other man holds up his _fucking vibrator_. The one he left in his bedside drawer (in a velvet black bag that Kakashi wasn't supposed to look in because seriously if you see a black velvet bag by someone's bed you do not look into it ok!!) "What is this?"

"You know what it is!" Iruka yells, face burning hotter than ever before. He reaches out to try and grab it but Kakashi moves effortlessly out of range.

"Yeah but," Kakashi laughs, looking at the thing in his hand. "It's pink."

It is. It's a bright hot pink with rhinestones on the base. It is completely, absolutely ridiculous and Iruka knows it. He didn't buy it for its looks, he bought it just to get the job done while he was single and lonely for four years. It isn't even anything special, no bigger than five inches and no wider than two of Iruka's fingers.

Iruka groans and hides his face in his hands. "Leave me alone."

"Oh no." Kakashi taunts. "I'm never leaving you alone. This is fucking gold."

"Stop!" Iruka whines.

"I will do no such thing." Kakashi says. Iruka can hear as he tosses the thing back into the drawer, and then he feels as Kakashi shifts his weight back overtop of him. His jeans are still on and the rough fabric rubs against Iruka's now bare skin.

Kakashi settles over him, crowds in his space and flanks him with his arms on either side of his head.

"Why should I stop when this is going to haunt me forever?" He says, and his voice is no longer teasing, but now deep and thick with arousal. He leans down to place kisses over Iruka's hands and purposefully rocks his hips in a slow grind. His jean covered cock drags against Iruka's still sensitive one and Iruka gasps.

Kakashi takes advantage of the distraction and pulls one of Iruka's hands away. Iruka lets it happen and drops the other as well as they finally make eye contact again. 

"You're gonna drive me crazy, don't you know?" Kakashi dips down to kiss him, soft and slow. "I'm never gonna be able to stop thinking about you fucking yourself on that thing."

Another long drag of his hips. Iruka groans.

"Bet you look so fucking pretty." Kakashi keeps talking and _yeah_ his voice saying those words is absolutely sinful. Iruka bites his lip to stop from moaning. "Can't wait to get you on my cock."

They rock together for another moment until the fabric of Kakashi's jeans becomes too much for Iruka. He reaches out to tug at his waistband.

Kakashi sits up and pushes Iruka's hands away to do the job himself. He undoes his fly and pulls out his cock. He's hard already and the head is swollen a pretty pink.

"Oh shit." Iruka can't help but gasp at the sight of it. Kakashi as a whole is a spectacular image - kneeling above him, shirtless, cock out. It is dirtier than any fantasy Iruka could ever hope to even dream of.

"Yeah?" Kakashi lets out a breathless laugh and gives himself a lazy stroke. "Sorry mine doesn't have any rhinestones."

He falls forward again, and this time their cocks line up skin to skin. They both moan loudly at the new sensation. Iruka reaches up to lock his arms around Kakashi's neck, uses the leverage to rock his hips up to meet the other man's. They kiss but it's messy - ends up just being nothing more than hot panting into each other's mouths.

"Mm," Kakashi groans in his ear, licks the shell of it. "'M a lot bigger than your little toy though. You gonna be able to handle all this baby?"

He emphasizes his point with a very deliberate thrust, the long line of his cock dragging across Iruka's.

For a moment, Iruka panics. It has been a long time, and he hasn't had anything bigger inside him than his very modest vibrator. He knew Kakashi was big. Maybe he should have prepared more. He bites his lip and chews at it. What will happen if it’s too much? Will Kakashi stop? Will he be mad?

Kakashi must notice something is wrong, because Iruka realizes now that he actually stopped moving. Kakashi pulls back just enough to be able to look him in the face again.

"Hey," he says. "We don't have to. If you're worried." He tucks some hair that fell out of Iruka's ponytail behind his ear. "We can do something else."

Iruka stares up at him for a moment. Eyes flick over his features, over his scar, the thin line of his lips, the crease in his brow. He looks sincere. Iruka shakes his head. He wants this, he really does.

"No," He says. "It's fine. Just, uh, just go slow, ok?"

Kakashi smiles, and Iruka's heart fucking betrays him by fluttering in his chest. "Of course."

He gives him a tiny peck on the lips before sitting up again, and then his weight is gone from Iruka entirely while he takes off his pants completely. Iruka uses the opportunity to finally kick off his pants that have been wrapped around his ankles for what feels like an eternity.

Kakashi grabs the lube, uses a ridiculous amount to coat his fingers, and settles back between Iruka's thighs. He hikes one of Iruka's legs up to rest over his shoulder, and locks eyes with him as he peppers kisses all on the inside of Iruka's thigh.

Iruka has his bottom lip tugged between his teeth. He holds eye contact with Kakashi, feels goosebumps raise on his skin where he kisses him gently. He spreads his legs more, gives Kakashi better access, and sucks in a sharp breath when the cool wetness of a finger circles around his hole.

For a moment, that's all Kakashi does. He keeps kissing him lightly up and down his thigh and just keeps circling his hole with a lubed up thumb. It gets Iruka nice and wet, and relaxes his muscles. Iruka rocks slightly with it. It's been so long since anyone has touched him there. While in the past, with his ex, Iruka usually was the one to bottom - his ex didn't much like it and Iruka enjoyed it enough that it just became their dynamic - his ex certainly was not the size of Kakashi though, and he hopes he can still enjoy it.

Kakashi tests him a bit, pushes into him just a tad, then pulls back to just circle him some more. He lets Iruka's leg drop from his shoulder and then shifts to move up his body. Not stopping the movements of his hand, he crawls up Iruka's torso and kisses his hot skin as he goes.

When he reaches his chest, his lips wrap around a nipple and he sucks, flicks his tongue over the nub and tugs with his teeth. Iruka gasps, hands finding their home back in Kakashi's hair to ground himself.

Kakashi continues the onslaught. Licking and sucking and biting at Iruka's sensitive skin all while testing his boundaries with his other hand. Iruka welcomes it, lets his legs fall open and holds Kakashi's head against his chest. He's panting loudly now, breath coming out hot and quick as his body tries to focus on all the sensations at once.

A finger pushes into him. Kakashi slowly thrusts it into him shallowly, letting him adjust by going deeper each time. When it's finally all the way in to his last knuckle, he keeps it there, fucks him deep with it, pushes it inside him to massage his walls.

"Fuck," Iruka gasps. Even though he fucked himself with his toy it still is a completely different sensation when someone else is doing it. It doesn't matter if it’s just one finger, it’s a real person and that completely changes everything.

It feels good. Iruka wants more. He rocks his hips down against Kakashi's hand.

"Ok?" Kakashi picks his head up to ask. 

Iruka nods frantically. " _Yes."_

Kakashi tries to kiss him again, lands a little short and just pecks at the corner of his mouth. He removes his finger, then pushes in with a second.

" _A-ah,"_ Iruka moans. He bites his lip again to try and keep quiet. Two fingers feel so much bigger than one.

"You're fucking amazing," Kakashi breathes, and kisses him properly this time. "Fucking my fingers so nice."

Kakashi pumps into him, going faster than before and spreading the digits to stretch him. Iruka swallows hard, and drops his head back against the pillows.

Kakashi kisses along the curve of his now exposed throat, follows it across his jaw and to his ear, sucks at the sensitive skin there.

He curls his fingers, pushes them in deep and rocks them inside him. Iruka gasps, jerks his whole body as Kakashi locks in to stimulate his prostate.

" _Oh fuck,"_ he curses. Iruka's arms wrap around Kakashi's neck again and he lifts a leg up so his foot is flat on the bed. He uses the new leverage to fuck himself down on Kakashi's fingers. " _Fuck yes."_

"Yeah?" Kakashi says, and his voice is dripping with desire. 

" _Yes,"_ Iruka answers again.

Kakashi keeps the pressure there, rubs the inside of Iruka with scary precision. Iruka is completely hard again. He almost can't believe it considering the fact that he had the most incredible orgasm of his life not too long ago - but here he is, cock hard and aching. Before, whenever he would get fingered it was always just a means to an end. Just a way to get him open and ready for the next act, and never really felt like anything in particular - but this, _this_ , feels amazing. Kakashi takes his time with it, fucks him deliberately, lets him feel everything. He fucks his fingers in deep, spreads them, twists them, rests his thumb on his perineum and rubs in slow circles. It isn't just about getting him ready. He has never felt anything like this before. It is _incredible._ Iruka rocks against Kakashi’s body and _whimpers_. 

Kakashi lifts himself up on one arm to get a better look at Iruka.

"Tell me how this feels," is all he says before removing his fingers all together, only to replace them again with a third.

" _Ah!"_ Iruka gasps. A hand blindly reaches out to grip at Kakashi's arm, and he kneads the muscle in his bicep. Kakashi pushes all three of his fingers in completely before he stops, keeps them there unmoving.

Iruka clenches around them, pushes down, nods. "It's good."

"Good?" Kakashi asks. He doesn't move.

" _Yes,_ feels good." Iruka answers, and rocks his hips to prove his point.

Kakashi needs no more convincing, and begins to fuck him with his fingers again. He moves them deep and fast inside him this time, getting Iruka used to the feeling.

It's become too much for Iruka. His cock is painfully hard again and it hasn't even been touched at all. He can feel precome drip from his tip onto his stomach. He pushes back against Kakashi's hand as he fucks him but it isn't enough. It's driving him insane with how much he wants it - wants the other man's cock inside him.

"Fuck me," he says, and Iruka moves his hand up to grip Kakashi's hair, tugs him down into a bruising kiss. "Want you to fuck me."

"Ok," Kakashi replies hotly into the kiss. He removes his fingers, sits up and bends over the side of the bed to grab his jeans. Iruka watches as he pulls out a condom, tears it open and slides it on himself. Then, he picks up the lube again, but before he can slick himself up Iruka stops him.

"Wait," he says. "Let me."

Iruka realizes that during the entire night he still hasn't touched Kakashi's cock, not even once. And he wants to. Badly. He takes the tube from Kakashi, squeezes some of the contents onto his fingers, then reaches forward to slick the other man's cock. 

Iruka stares up at him as his fingers circle the head, getting it nice and slick. Kakashi's mouth drops open and his hips jerk forward into Iruka's hand. Iruka thinks he looks fucking stunning with his mouth slack like that. He gets the head covered entirely, then wraps his fist around him and drags his hand down, coating the rest of him.

"Fuck," Kakashi groans above him. Iruka can't help but smirk in response. He strokes him a couple more times, liking the feel of the other man in his hand. He is big. Iruka likes the weight of it against his palm. He wants to put his mouth on him, knows there is no way he could fit it all in his mouth but _fuck_ he wants to try.

Kakashi pushes his hand away, shifts so he is laying atop of him again.

"Gonna fuck you now," he says, and the way he says it sounds frantic, desperate for it. He grips Iruka's legs under his knees, spreads him open. 

Iruka lays back and waits, bracing himself. Kakashi pushes into him slowly. Iruka lets out a silent cry, mouth dropping open at the feel of it. It's a lot. He is not only long but he is thick, and it stretches Iruka in ways he has never felt before. It burns as it breaches him, but then he is _in_ and his body accepts it as he sinks into him. The obscene amount of lube they used makes the slide easy after the initial push.

Kakashi continues until he is all the way there, completely sheathed inside Iruka. Then, he pauses and they both take a minute to just breathe.

"Shit you are tight," Kakashi groans. His head drops against Iruka's collar bone. Iruka can feel his deep and heavy breaths across his skin.

Iruka tries to adjust. Involuntarily he clenches and Kakashi moans. 

"Just move please," Iruka says through gritted teeth. The thick and heavy cock sitting in his ass is uncomfortable. He knows no matter how long they wait he won't adjust to it. He needs Kakashi to move, because from experience he knows that will make it more tolerable.

Kakashi pulls back a bit, then pushes forward again. Gets a slow rhythm of short thrusts going. He raises himself on his hands to look down at Iruka. 

Iruka gasps loudly. The slide of Kakashi's cock inside him is almost overwhelming. The pressure of the sheer size of it dissipates as he glides in and out, massaging and stretching his walls. The more Kakashi moves the more Iruka's body gets used to it, loosens up and welcomes it.

" _Shit,"_ he curses, dropping his legs open more and tilting his hips up to meet him. That does it. The new angle pulls Kakashi in even deeper and _holy shit_. " _Ah!"_

Kakashi takes advantage. He lifts himself up more, grabs Iruka's legs again by the back of his thighs and pushes them up towards his chest. Iruka feels totally exposed and open like this but it is perfect. Kakashi shoves himself in completely again, rocks his hips to grind his cock deep inside Iruka.

Iruka practically chokes, the motion knocking the air right out of him. He is so deep he feels like he can feel the man in his fucking stomach. It's so weird but _good._ He has never felt this full before.

"How is it baby?" Kakashi asks. He sounds breathless. 

Iruka can't speak so he just nods frantically, chest heaving. He locks eyes with the man above him, silently pleading.

Kakashi accepts that as an answer and pulls out almost completely before slamming himself back in again. He begins fucking him now, for real, setting a brutal pace that hammers into Iruka relentlessly.

" _Ah, ah ah,"_ Iruka pants with every thrust. The grip on his thighs is tight and bruising. Kakashi holds him open, practically bends him in half with the pressure, and fucks him stupid. 

It's hard and fast. Delirium overcomes Iruka and his stomach clenches as waves of ecstasy sweep through him. Kakashi pounds into him, rigorously and forcefully. Iruka's bed creaks and groans beneath them but it is hardly audible over the sound of Iruka's own moans and the sinful sound of their bodies meeting. Kakashi breathes heavily above him, stares down at him with intense focus.

Before Iruka can even process what is happening euphoria hits him like a freight train and he comes. Iruka has never come from fucking alone, never came from just his prostate getting mercilessly pounded, never came without his cock being touched. It is a completely different type of orgasm. It washes over him in waves, spills out his cock and empties onto his stomach in a steady stream. It feels like it is coming from deep within him, and he moans loudly as it crashes over him, has him coming for what feels like a very long time.

"God, _fuck,_ " Kakashi groans as Iruka can't help but clench around him.

Kakashi slows his movements. Keeps himself shoved balls deep in Iruka and just _rocks_ there steadily.

With each little roll of his hips Iruka can feel more come being pushed out of him. Iruka swallows hard and tries to catch his breath. It is mind-blowing. He brings his hands up to his hair, pushes his hair that had fallen out his ponytail back, feels the sweat covering his brow. He is completely covered in sweat actually. His body feels like it just ran a marathon. His cock is still leaking but the onslaught of wave after wave of orgasm has subsided.

"Holy shit," he breathes. He finally looks up at the man above him and Kakashi meets his eyes - has the fucking audacity to _smirk_.

Kakashi is still grinding into him deep and slow. His eyes flick down Iruka's body and land on his cock. It's still leaking on his stomach, the mess pooling in his abs.

"Christ, lookit you," he says. "Look at your cute little cock just fucking leaking for me."

Iruka groans, feeling his cock jerk again. He doesn't understand how he just came, but it still seems to keep going.

"Stop calling it cute," he manages to spit out. He lifts himself up on his elbows, looking down at where Kakashi is meeting him, watching as he rolls his hips and grinds into him. The movement is fucking mesmerizing.

Kakashi lets out a breathless laugh. He drops a hand from Iruka's leg and brings it to Iruka's cock - drags a slow finger down the length of it. Iruka's breath catches in his throat.

"But it is," Kakashi says. "I like it."

He drops down then, and the sudden movement of it makes Iruka gasp. 

Kakashi's lips barely graze his own as he says, "next time I want you to fuck me with it."

Iruka groans, brings a hand up to the back of Kakashi's head and forces him into a rough kiss. He can feel Kakashi smile against him.

"Gonna keep fucking you now," Kakashi whispers after a moment. "That ok?"

Iruka nods, feeling like he has recovered enough for Kakashi to continue. Kakashi still hasn't come. Iruka feels like his world has completely shattered around him and Kakashi still hasn't even come.

In a quick movement Kakashi slips out of him. Iruka whimpers at the suddenness of it. Then Kakashi flips his body over, forces him onto his hands and knees, positions himself behind him and shoves back in.

It all happens so fast. Kakashi slams into him and the new position feels like he is awakening a whole new set of nerves inside of Iruka. Iruka moans, the force of Kakashi's thrusts knocks him forward and he falls from his hands to his elbows. 

Kakashi's hands grip his hips and he drives into him vigorously. 

"So fucking good," he gasps, unrelenting with his pace.

Iruka grips the sheets tightly in his hands. He drops his head forward and moans with each thrust. At this point he has lost all control and lets the volume of his voice go unchecked.

Kakashi suddenly stops then, pulling out completely. Iruka hears as the condom is being ripped off and then Kakashi's hands take place on his ass again. He spreads his cheeks wide, surviving his work.

"Fucking beautiful," Iruka hears Kakashi murmur. Then one of the hands drops away. The other stays on him and Kakashi holds him open while he jerks himself off. 

Iruka can hear the movement of Kakashi's strokes, can hear the wet squelch of the lube as Kakashi fucks his own fist. The hand that holds Iruka's ass kneads his flesh and Iruka has never felt more exposed in his entire life. He covers a hand over his mouth to keep from whimpering.

Then Kakashi lets out a deep groan and he is coming. He paints Iruka's lower back and ass with it. Iruka squirms as he feels it drip over his hole and down to his balls.

He squawks in surprise again as once more he is flipped over. He lands on his back and cringes at the feel of the come on him as he hits the bed sheets. Kakashi gives him no time to adjust as he leans down between his legs, parts his thighs and _licks_ a long line up the crack of his ass, over his balls, and up his cock.

" _Oh shit oh fuck,"_ Iruka grabs Kakashi's hair again, gets two handfuls and pulls. He can't believe his cock managed to get hard again. 

Kakashi stares up at him with devilish eyes, never breaking contact as he sits back up. He reaches a hand in between Iruka's crack, swipes up the lube and come still there in an absolutely obscene motion, and then uses it to wrap a hand over Iruka's cock. His fist closes like a vice over Iruka and Iruka's whole body shakes.

"C'mon," Kakashi says. His voice is low, sultry. "Take what you need."

Iruka does. He jerks his hips upwards and fucks the tight ring of Kakashi's fist. There's a lot of lube, and come, and it the sound of it is wet and filthy. Iruka feels lightheaded, can't control his breathing as he thrust up desperately.

" _K-Kakashi,_ " he gasps. He is so close. He has never done anything like this before. Never came so many times in one night. His body hurts with it. He can feel his release just on the edge but it _hurts_. "I-I can't-"

Iruka's voice stutters and his hips do as well. 

"You can," Kakashi urges, then moves his fist, grips him tight and works him over with quick flicks of his wrist. "C'mon baby give me one more. Come one more time for me. Let me see you come."

Kakashi's voice fills Iruka's senses and it is like an answer to a prayer. It wraps around him, engulfs him, ignites a fire in his chest.

His mouth drops open in a silent cry as he comes. It's the most powerful yet, almost painful with how forceful it is.

He doesn't come a lot, but what spills out of his cock joins the rest that was already on his stomach.

"Fucking perfect," Kakashi says above him. He lets go of his cock and Iruka feels all the tension escape from his body. "You're fucking incredible."

Iruka's body goes lax and he lies against his sheets in a boneless heap. His heart is beating so fast he thinks it might actually explode out his chest.

Barely a moment passes before he feels a wetness glide up his stomach.

"Ah!" His eyes fling open and they land on the crown of Kakashi's head as the other man, true to his word, drags his tongue over Iruka's abs and licks him clean.

"Holy shit Kakashi," Iruka is still panting heavily, can hardly catch his breath. He gets his hand in Kakashi's hair again and tugs him up. "Stop, please, I can't-"

Kakashi takes mercy on him. He stops - offers him a shockingly sweet smile - and slides up Iruka's body to lay next to him. He hovers over Iruka's mouth, waiting. Iruka closes the gap and initiates the kiss. It's slow and languid. He opens his mouth, allows Kakashi's tongue to slide over his lips and across his own. Iruka can taste himself on him and it makes him groan into it.

When they pull away they simply stare at each other. They both are breathing heavily still and Iruka takes a moment to just _look._ Kakashi's pale face is slightly flushed pink, his lips are still swollen, and his hairline line is darkened with sweat. His eyes dance over Iruka's features as well, and Iruka watches them, marvels in the discoloration of them, tracks the scar that marks his skin.

Kakashi's lips quirk up in a tiny smile. He leans forward to place a peck on Iruka's nose - right on his scar - and then rests his forehead against Iruka's.

It's too intimate. Out of everything they just did. This feels the most overwhelming. It's too close, too comfortable, too _nice._ Iruka wants to pull away but he also never ever wants it to end.

_Oh no._

Kakashi does pull away then. He gives Iruka a little wink, with his non-scarred eye, and says, "thanks."

Iruka just nods. _Thanks?_

Kakashi rolls over, shifts his weight to throw his legs over the side of the bed. Iruka stays still and just watches. Kakashi sits on the edge of the bed. He rakes a hand through his hair. 

"Where's your bathroom?" He asks into the silence.

"Across the hall," Iruka answers. His body is tingling with all the excursion it just went through. 

Kakashi gets up, still naked, and Iruka’s eyes track him as he goes. He's alone in his bed then, and suddenly everything that just happened hits him all at once. He presses the heels of his palms into his eyes. _Wow._

Kakashi comes back after a few moments with a damp washcloth. He tosses it to Iruka and Iruka silently wipes himself up as Kakashi puts his clothes back on.

When Iruka looks back up Kakashi is fully dressed. It's almost like nothing happened at all. It feels surreal, with how quickly they went from naked in bed to just...strangers again.

"That was fun," Kakashi says, like he's talking about a game of cards or something equally trivial and not the greatest fuck session of Iruka's life. He has his hands on his hips and he looks down at Iruka from the foot of his bed.

Iruka shifts to sit up. He cringes as he throws his legs over the side of his bed. _Yeah. That hurts._

"You ok?" Kakashi is suddenly by his side. He rests a hand on his shoulder, keeping him in place. "You don't have to get up. I can show myself out."

"No it's ok," Iruka responds. He stands up and now they are very close again. Iruka feels awkward for some reason.

"I'll walk you out." He says, and pushes past Kakashi to pick up his discarded boxers on the ground. He slips them on and together they leave Iruka's bedroom.

It's weird. _Why is it so weird?_ This is it? What happens now?

Kakashi grabs his jacket which was abandoned in the kitchen earlier and then meets Iruka at his door.

Iruka isn't really sure what to say. _Thanks for rearranging my guts with your massive cock see you later?_

"Well," Kakashi starts. "Thanks for having me."

Iruka just nods.

Kakashi offers him a little smile. Iruka's eyes fall to the beauty mark beneath them. Again he is struck with the sudden urge to kiss it. He's distracted by it and nearly misses when Kakashi leans forward, plants a small peck on his cheek.

"I hope you got what you wanted." He says.

Iruka meets his eyes. Stares at him for a moment. _He did, didn't he?_

"I did. Thank you." On autopilot he opens the door to allow Kakashi to take his leave.

"Til next time." He flashes him a little wave and then he is gone.

Iruka closes the door behind him, leans against the cool wood of it. _Next time?_

* * *

Iruka isn't sure if there will be a next time.

Kakashi doesn't text him, and Iruka refuses to text him. He wants to - he really really does - but he is afraid. They agreed on a hook up. Iruka doesn't want to force the man to meet him again if he doesn't want to.

But Kakashi said _next time._ Actually, he said next time a couple times throughout the night. _He said he wanted Iruka to fuck him next time_. He probably was just talking though. He probably didn't actually mean it.

Iruka tries not to think too much about it. He tries not to think of the man who suddenly showed up into his life and then was gone just as quickly. Part of him still is processing the whole ordeal like he can't even believe it was real.

It was real though. He knows it was real because he can still feel the ghost of the man's touches on his skin. The evidence of their meeting is still on his phone. He still has those pictures saved on his sim card. Iruka absolutely does not look at them.

He thought this was what he wanted. He thought he wanted a quick fuck and nothing more. What he didn't realize was how it would flick on a switch inside him that he had kept off for so long. Before, he was used to the loneliness, felt a certain type of comfort in it. Now, he ached with a desire that he forgot was there. He forgot what those types of touches could feel like, forgot what it was like to have that type of attention on him. It felt amazing. His body aches for more of it.

Iruka could turn to the app again and try to find a different person to fuck but…

Whatever. It doesn't matter. He decides to delete the app and never do this again. He got it out of his system. He could enjoy it for what it was - a fun night and nothing more.

* * *

A week and a half passes. Iruka pushes any thoughts of Kakashi out of his mind. He focuses on work and the gym like he always does - falls back into his routine easily.

It isn't as hard as he thought it would be. The first couple days Iruka kept looking at his phone, waiting for something - anything - from Kakashi. It hurt at first thinking maybe Kakashi didn't have as much fun as Iruka did. Iruka briefly felt paranoid about his performance. Maybe he should have done more? Kakashi did do most of the work, after all.

It doesn't matter though. What was done was done. Iruka isn't dwelling on it anymore.

He's sitting in his classroom now. Most of his students are outside at recess, except for one.

"Iruka-sensei."

Iruka looks up from his lunch that he is picking at. He isn't feeling very hungry.

"You're supposed to be sitting down quietly, Naruto." Iruka answers. 

The boy got in trouble earlier in the week for getting in a fight on the playground. As a result he’s forced to have indoor recess the rest of the week with Iruka.

"Aw c'mon Iruka-sensei, I'm so bored!" Naruto mopes. He is standing in front of the bunny cage, sticking his fingers in between the metal bars to poke at the furry babies. "Hey! Can I hold one?"

"No," Iruka says sternly. "This isn't recess, this is detention. Sit down and behave."

Naruto pouts and flops back in his seat. "You're no fun Iruka-sensei."

"Well yeah. This isn't supposed to be fun. You're being punished." Iruka holds back a laugh.

"I don't understand why I'm in trouble!" Naruto yells. "What about Sai! He started it!"

"Naruto," Iruka gets up from his desk. He walks over to Naruto and places a hand on his shoulder. He is wearing his orange hoodie again that Iruka replaced. "I understand Sai said something mean to you but it doesn't mean you get to punch him."

"That's not fair!"

"It isn't about fair," Iruka knows that Naruto is all too familiar with life being unfair. It hurts Iruka to say it to him. "It's about being the bigger person. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your own feelings and just let it go. Some battles aren't worth the fight."

"That's stupid," Naruto grumbles. "Sai is stupid and he deserved it."

"That may be so," Iruka doesn't deny it. Sai can be a little…blunt. He is sure whatever he said warranted a little kick back. He hopes both boys learned a lesson in the altercation. "But you have to learn to control yourself."

"Whatever," Naruto slumps forward and rests his head in his arms.

Iruka ruffles his hair. He pauses.

"What did you eat for lunch today?" 

Naruto just mumbles something into his shirt sleeve.

"Naruto," Iruka demands.

He picks his head up. "Nothing Iruka-sensei."

Iruka stares down at him sadly. The boy's face is starting to look slim. He is growing now and he needs more food. Iruka knows foster families don't typically have a lot of money, and the money they do get doesn't always go to the child like it should.

He walks over to his desk, picks up his lunch and brings it over to Naruto. It's just cup ramen, nothing special. "Please eat Naruto."

Naruto looks up at him with big eyes. "Really Iruka-sensei?! But...it's yours…"

Iruka's heart aches for him. He doesn't think anything is deserved, thinks he has to fight for everything. "I'm not hungry." 

Naruto offers him a big grin and a thank you before scarfing the thing down. Iruka makes a note to start bringing a second lunch with him. Maybe he should buy something with a little more substance than ramen too…

Iruka walks back over to his desk and sits down. He absentmindedly picks up his phone and is surprised to see he has a new text message.

**_Yo_ **

Is all it says. _Kakashi._ Iruka's heart skips a beat. Right when he had effectively forgotten all about Kakashi - here he is, suddenly texting him out of the blue. 

His fingers hesitate over the keys.

**_Hey. What's up?_ **

He tries to sound neutral, uninterested.

**_Been thinking about you._ **

His heart is pounding in his chest. He doesn't know how to respond to that. He doesn't even know how he feels. 

**_Been thinking about that pink dildo of yours and how it would look in your ass._ **

Iruka gags, quickly covers it up with a cough. He glances up at Naruto but the boy is focused on his food.

**_I'm at work. Surrounded by children._ **

He lies. Iruka's face is on fire. He doesn't hear from Kakashi in over a week and then he texts him that? _What the hell._ Iruka wants to be mad - he really does - but he can't help the fire that shoots up his veins.

**_You're a teacher?_ **

**_Yeah_ **

**_Ah, apologies sensei._ **

**_What are you doing on your phone then? You're setting a bad example._ **

Kakashi writes and sends a little thinking emoji with it. Iruka smiles despite himself.

**_They're at recess actually_ **

**_I see_ **

**_I won't keep you then sensei_ **

**_Have a good day rest of your day_ **

Iruka bites his lip. 

**_Thank you. You too_ **

He doesn't want the conversation to end, but at the same time he is grateful. He doesn't know what this means. 

"Iruka-sensei."

Iruka looks up again as Naruto pulls him back to reality. The boy stands up and walks over to Iruka's desk with his empty cup. He puts it on Iruka's desk and looks at him sheepishly.

"Can I at least feed the bunnies?" 

Iruka smiles. "Ok, sure. Let's feed them."

* * *

Iruka's phone is forgotten once again as he continues on with the rest of his day. He feels a little lighter, like a weight has been lifted off of him. He isn't really sure why.

It's when he is leaving the gym at the end of the day that he gets another text.

**_Can I see you tonight?_ **

Iruka pauses, thinks. It's already late. It's a school night. Everything in him is saying _no._ He takes a deep breath, types out a response.

**_Sure._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an alternate title for this chapter is "iruka sees kakashi's face and falls in love."
> 
> thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Iruka is getting ready for bed when he hears the tell tale buzz of his phone.

It's late, past 10 o'clock. He already knows what the message is before even looking.

**_Wyd?_ **

The late night texts from Kakashi have started to become a regularity in Iruka's life. 

**_Nothing._ **

**_Mind if I stop by?_ **

'Stop by' means 'come over and fuck you.'

They've been doing this for about two months now - and honestly, Iruka still doesn't even know what _'this'_ is. 

Ever since the first time - which was actually supposed to be the _one and only_ time - it just sort of became _a thing._

When Kakashi asked to see Iruka again after that first night, Iruka was excited - because it confirmed that he wasn't a total screw up and it meant Kakashi _did_ actually enjoy his time with him - so he agreed. Kakashi came over and, much like the first time, fucked the shit outta Iruka til he couldn't walk anymore and left immediately after.

Then it happened again...and again...and again, until before Iruka even realized it, it had become a routine.

Iruka stares at his phone. He really shouldn't, not tonight. He has class in the morning and it's already late. Kakashi never shows up on time, so he won't get to Iruka's until it's almost midnight, and then he'll fuck him til it's almost the break off dawn, and then Iruka will be a zombie all day at work and…

He types out a response.

**_Sure._ **

**_See you in 15_ **

Kakashi sends a little kissy emoji face with it. Iruka knows he'll be here in an hour.  
  
  


* * *

Iruka stands over the coffee pot in the teacher's lounge, watches the _drip drip drip_ as he waits for it to brew. 

“Iruka.”

He jumps. It’s too early. He’s had this schedule for six years and suddenly it feels too early. How did he do this for so long? He wants to crawl back into bed, even if the man who occupied it with him last night is no longer there.

“Hey, Anko. Morning,” He mumbles and then wipes a hand across his face. How long does he have til class starts?

Anko sidles up next to him with a smile and grabs the coffee pot before he gets a chance, filling her own cup.

Iruka gives her a side eye as she puts the pot back down, then grabs it for himself.

“I thought you didn’t drink coffee?” She keeps her gaze on him as she spills what seems like a mountain of sugar into her mug. Iruka watches the flow of white powder enter her drink, waiting for it to stop. It doesn’t. She seems unfazed by his judgemental stare.

“I don’t,” he answers. “I'm tired. I haven’t really been sleeping that well recently.”

Anko, finally satisfied with her sugar to coffee ratio, takes a big sip followed by a satisfied sigh. She basks in the pleasure of her hot morning beverage for a moment before focusing back on Iruka.

“How come? Something wrong?” 

Iruka waves a hand to dismiss her worry, takes a sip of his coffee. “No, nothing is wrong.” 

A smile forces its way onto his face - _nope absolutely nothing wrong at all_ \- but he quickly fights it back down. Anko catches it anyway.

“Ehh?” She jabs a finger at him. “So, something good?”

Iruka swats at her pestering hand. His face is getting hot and avoids looking at her by staring into his mug. He hasn’t talked to anyone about this and he isn’t sure if he should now. Anko isn’t someone he is super close with, but they talk occasionally at work - have even grabbed lunch a few times. He just isn’t used to talking about himself much nowadays. It feels weird to share something so personal.

She suddenly gasps and grabs a hold of his arm, her grip surprisingly strong. “You’re seeing someone!”

It isn’t a question. She shakes him aggressively and he scrambles to avoid spilling his drink.

“I’m not!” He answers quickly, trying to get her to calm down.

She drops her hold but there's a mischievous look in her eyes. “What is it then? What’s got you all smiley, huh?”

Iruka clears his throat and takes another sip of his coffee, holds the mug at his lips as he tries to come up with an answer but can't.

The grin on Anko's face spreads. "That is it, isn't it? You are seeing someone!"

Iruka takes a deep breath and lets it out in a big sigh. Anko laughs maniacally, knowing she's cracked the code.

Iruka hopes she will drop the subject but he isn't so lucky. She keeps tormenting him. "C’mon spill! This guy keeping you up all hours of the night - tell me - what's he like?"

Iruka pauses. He genuinely doesn't know. Despite spending a night with Kakashi practically every week for the past two months he still doesn't know a lot about the guy. He knows he's hot, has a big dick, can fuck for hours, can make Iruka see _stars_ …

Iruka is forced out of his thoughts when Anko smacks him on the shoulder. He jolts and this time he does lose some of his coffee. "Iruka!"

Iruka didn't realize his expression was apparently exposing his thoughts. His face heats up again and he avoids meeting her eye. Busying himself, he wipes his coffee soaked fingers on his dark navy sweater. "Sorry."

"Must be pretty good. Getting you all distracted like this." She teases.

Iruka rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. Smiles. "It's definitely not bad…"

"Wow," Anko laughs. "Sounds like you really like him."

"No!" The comment actually catches him by surprise, and Iruka shakes his head adamantly. "It isn't like that."

Her eyes narrow at him. "What do you mean?"

He takes another sip of his coffee. Mumbles. "It's purely physical."

" _Oh_ ," she drawls, her voice shifting to something playful. "Please elaborate."

Iruka rolls his eyes. "It's nothing. We met on grindr and hooked up and now...we just _keep_ hooking up."

He shrugs and tries to come off as casual as possible. It feels weird to say the words out loud. 

"Like a booty call?!" She gasps.

"Sh!" Iruka holds a hand up to shush her. There are people walking the halls and the door to the lounge is open. 

"Sorry," she lowers her voice. The smile is still wide across her lips. "Damn, Iruka, I'm just surprised. You don't seem like a booty call type."

"It's not a-" he stops himself. Iruka didn't think about it like that. _Is it?_

Anko's eyebrow quirks in question, waits for him to continue.

Iruka doesn't know. He and Kakashi have never talked about it. 

_A booty call?_

"Ok," Anko must see the confusion on Iruka's face because she keeps talking. "Let's break this down. You guys met on grindr?"

Iruka nods.

"You hooked up the first time you met?"

Another nod, and Iruka is glad she doesn't ask for anymore details about _that_.

"Then what happened? Did you guys plan to meet again after that?" She pries.

Iruka shakes his head this time. "No...like a week later he texted me asking to come over and-"

"Wait!" She cuts him off. "He asked to come over _that night?_ "

"Well yeah-" Iruka is confused.

"Sorry," she speaks over him again, trying to absorb all the information. "So he came over again and you hooked up again and now…?"

Iruka frowns, still not understanding what direction she's heading in. "Now we just hook up sometimes."

Anko raises a finger to her chin in thought. "When you hook up do you text him or does he text you?"

"He texts me." Iruka answers.

Iruka never texts him first, he always just waits for Kakashi. He feels weird texting first. After their first night together Iruka didn't want to seem too eager to see him again - since it was supposed to be a one time thing - and now he just doesn't want to come off as needy. There were a few times Iruka wanted badly to text him. Some nights where he was waiting alone in his apartment, just hoping the other man would text him - and he pushed down the disappointment he felt when the text never came. He refused then and refuses now to text first. Iruka doesn't want to push Kakashi. They aren't _together_ after all, so Iruka has no right to pester him.

"And when he texts you, you usually see him the same night? And then you hook up?" She asks again, summing up all the info she's gathered.

Iruka nods one more time. "Yeah. It's usually pretty random…"

Based on their meetings there seems to be no pattern to Kakashi's schedule that Iruka can piece together. Which is why he figures it's best for Kakashi to just let him know when he's free anyway. Iruka doesn't have much going on so he usually is able to meet Kakashi whenever he texts him. It does sound kind of sad when Iruka thinks about it...

"So he texts you whenever he wants and then you just let him fuck you." She's laughing now, but it isn't cruel. "Iruka that makes you a booty call!"

Iruka swallows the lump that has suddenly formed in his throat. It isn't funny to him. When she says it like that it sounds bad… _Is it bad?_

"I-" Iruka starts, but he doesn't even know what he was going to say so he just lets his voice fall.

"Hey," Anko gives him another slap on the shoulder, this time more gentle. She seems to realize Iruka doesn't find the situation humorous. "Iruka it's cool. There's nothing wrong with being a booty call. As long as you're having fun, right?"

"Right," he answers but he isn't even listening anymore.

Anko dismisses herself to get ready for class and Iruka does the same. Alone in his classroom, he can't seem to get her words out of his mind.

_You just let him fuck you? Whenever he wants?_

When it's laid out like that it seems so pathetic… 

Iruka suddenly feels stupid, humiliated. Is that how Kakashi views him? Someone who he can just use whenever he feels like it? Maybe Kakashi is only sleeping with him because Iruka is so desperate and easy. A fuck Kakashi doesn't even have to work for. Someone who will just let themselves be used without question.

_Is that what he is?_

No. It’s not like that. Iruka asked for this. This is what he wanted. _Right?_ Something easy to get into after being alone for so long - after dealing with the nightmare of his last relationship - and Kakashi gives him that. Iruka doesn't know what it is about Kakashi, he hardly knows anything about the man but it doesn't even matter. Nothing matters. Just the two of them and Iruka's bed (floor, couch, shower, whatever.) Iruka's never had a relationship like this before, but he never imagined he could fall so in sync with a stranger so quickly.

_As long as you're having fun, right?_

Yes. That's right. Iruka is having fun. How could he not when Kakashi fucks him the way he does? The man is an absolute beast. When Iruka slept with his last boyfriend sex was good, of course it was, but they were each other's first and they had only each other to grow with. Being with Kakashi was like entering another world. It was like being a child and having ice cream for the first time and thinking it was the greatest thing ever - and then realizing you could mix flavors and add sprinkles and chocolate syrup and _holy hell_ who knew the greatest thing in the world could get even _better._

_Sounds like you really like him._

Iruka isn't dumb enough to think that. He doesn't know enough about Kakashi to make that judgment. He likes _fucking_ Kakashi, but that's it…

He thinks about their nights together, how easy it is to be with him, and how they just seem to click. How he and Kakashi have a weird link to each other with their facial scars, how Iruka felt drawn to him from the moment he saw the mark on the other man’s face.

_Does he like Kakashi?_

No. It's just sex. And that's ok.

* * *

_“K-Kakashi.”_

Iruka is riding him. Kakashi's fingers grip tight on his hips as Iruka fucks himself on his cock.

He grinds himself down, gets Kakashi's cock deep inside him, swivels his hips and feels Kakashi's thick cock filling him completely. His mouth is dropped open with the sensation of it overwhelming him. Kakashi grips him harder, thrusts his hips upwards to push into Iruka deeper, pounding into him so much so Iruka's breath gets knocked out of him with every stroke, every deep pull of Kakashi's cock making him pant " _ah-ah-ah._ "

Iruka lets his hands fall back behind him and arches his back, lifting some of his weight off of Kakashi so the other man can have more control and fuck him at a quicker pace.

Kakashi follows his lead easily, hands trailing up Iruka's sides to hold him better, and fucks up into him harder and faster.

_"Fuck, Kakashi,"_ Iruka moans again. The new pace Kakashi sets is merciless, and Iruka's legs and arms shake as he tries to hold himself up. Kakashi's hands dance along his torso, changing their grip from his hips to his sides to spreading out along his chest. The grazing touches mixed with the brutal fucking play with Iruka's mind. Too much happening at once for his brain to focus on. His skin burns and everywhere Kakashi touches him is searing hot. It's too much but also not enough, never enough.

Then, Kakashi's hand wraps around his dick, and his fist moves over Iruka quick and tight, short jerks of his wrist that twist at the top end of each stroke and have Iruka absolutely weak.

" _Ah-ahh!"_ He comes with a gasp as Kakashi works him through it, jerking him and fucking him as his come paints Kakashi's chest.

It becomes too much for Iruka, and he can no longer hold himself up. His arms collapse out under him, and his legs drop back down completely so Kakashi ends up holding his full weight.

Kakashi's thrusts slow as he guides Iruka's body forward. Iruka leans into him, shifts in his arms so his body is curled over Kakashi and his head is resting besides the other man's, cheek to cheek. Kakashi wraps one arm around him, his hand cradling his head, and the other stays on his hip to guide him as he keeps steadily rocking into Iruka.

Iruka can feel Kakashi's heavy breathing against his ear. The other man pushes up into him in long slow drags that seem absolutely torturous to Iruka. Iruka uses the last of his strength to rock back down to meet his thrusts, clenches around him as he does.

" _Shit,_ " he gets a gasp out of Kakashi, and he begins fucking him a little faster. The hand cradling Iruka's head tightens in his hair and Iruka can feel Kakashi's nails against his scalp, messing up his ponytail. He can see more strands come loose, and they fall like a curtain around his face.

" _God,_ you're fucking amazing," Kakashi growls to match a particularly nasty grind of his hips, his cock sliding into Iruka and pulling out almost completely before slamming back in again with more force.

Iruka bites his lip to stop from moaning. Kakashi sounds so desperate Iruka can't even wrap his mind around it. He tries not to, just focuses on the steady push and pull into his body that is finally starting to pick up again. Kakashi fucks him with a purpose, fucks him quick and hard like before. Finally takes what he needs and shoves himself deep into Iruka with a gasp that Iruka feels hot against his ear as he comes.

They lay together like that for a while. Just trying to catch their breaths and calm their heart rates while still connected in almost every way. The hand in Iruka's hair slides down to his neck, and his thumb slowly glides against his nape, soothing. Iruka feels a tugging at his scalp and realizes Kakashi's other hand must have come up to join at some point. His fingers rake through Iruka's hair, combing the sweaty messy strands and pushing them behind his ear.

_Oh._ He must have completely lost his hair tie at some point. His hair is loose and falling over Kakashi's face. Kakashi keeps dragging his fingers through it, pushing it up and back, and repeating when it keeps falling forward. It's soft and gentle, Iruka thinks he could fall asleep like this. 

Kakashi must be thinking the same thing because he tries to shift subtlety, as to not jostle Iruka. Iruka lets him move his body, sighs at the feeling of Kakashi pulling out, and then allows the other man to lay him down softly on the bed.

Iruka falls back weakly, lets himself sink into the mattress in exhaustion. He keeps his eyes closed, ready to fall asleep.

He can hear Kakashi move around him, feels the bed lift and dip with his weight. He doesn't flinch when a cloth prods against his skin. Kakashi wipes him up without a word, taking his time and being thorough. His hands are gentle as they guide Iruka's thighs open, as they spread his cheeks and wipe up his crack. He is almost too careful. Soft, caressing. Iruka lazily slaps his hand away when it gets to be too much. He can't go another round tonight.

The bed shifts again as Kakashi lays his body flush against Iruka's side. Iruka can sense Kakashi's presence above him, waits.

He cracks an eye open when nothing happens. Kakashi is hovering over his face, just staring down at him.

"What?" Iruka asks, his voice hoarse.

Kakashi smiles. "Nothing." 

Then he leans down, places a small peck on the bridge of Iruka's nose, against his scar.

Before Iruka can process that Kakashi is moving, and in one quick motion he turns to roll out of bed.

Every time. Every time Kakashi kisses his nose and every time it makes Iruka's brain short circuit for a minute.

Iruka stays laying down as Kakashi shuffles around to gather his clothes and get dressed. Staring at the back of his eyelids Iruka swallows hard. His mind is a muddle mess after their fucking, like it always is, and his heart skips a beat as he thinks of the other man moving around his apartment. Kakashi's presence has become so normal Iruka doesn't even flinch at the idea of being so vulnerable around him, naked and eyes closed lying on his bed. It's weird being so comfortable with someone while simultaneously _not_ being comfortable around them. 

Iruka feels the bed dip again as Kakashi takes a seat on the edge. He opens his eyes and watches the other man's back as he pulls his shirt over his head. It's long sleeved and black. Kakashi wears a lot of black.

Iruka decides he should probably move. He forces himself to sit up, slouches forward to rest his elbows against his knees as he tucks his legs under himself. He sighs as his hair obscures part of his vision. _Right_. It's loose. He isn't used to wearing it down. He wonders where his hair tie got to.

"Hey." It's spoken softly, like a whisper.

Iruka looks up - drags his hand through his hair to push it back, ignores it as it just falls forward again - and locks eyes with Kakashi, questioning.

Kakashi shifts so his one leg is bent on the bed, turning his body to face Iruka more. He just _looks_ at Iruka for a moment before stretching an arm out, reaching with a hand to comb back some of Iruka's hair himself.

"You're pretty," is all he says.

Iruka blinks. Kakashi holds his hand there for a minute, just resting against the curve of Iruka's cheek, fingertips dipping into his dark waves. "What?"

His face is hot and Kakashi just keeps _looking_ at him. Iruka doesn't know how to respond. It's weird.

"Your hair," Kakashi says as a way of explanation, not fazed by Iruka's perplexion.

"It's gross." Iruka says on autopilot. He hasn't washed it in a few days, it's sweaty from their sex, probably super tangled too.

Kakashi doesn't respond, he just keeps staring at Iruka with an unreadable expression. Iruka feels panicked under the attention and averts his eyes.

Iruka is about to pull away completely when the hand at his head gently guides him forward. Kakashi meets him halfway, plants a small kiss against his temple.

"I like it," he says, his breath ghosting across Iruka's hairline as his lips graze his skin.

Kakashi pulls away quick then, turns to get up off the bed and then grabs his jacket that was thrown on Iruka's dresser. Iruka just stays seated, tries to process the tender show of affection.

He doesn't look at Iruka as he tugs his jacket on. "You should wear it down more often."

Iruka just shrugs, keeps his gaze locked in on the sheets below him. He always wears his hair up. Can't remember if anyone has ever seen it down before, not since it started getting long enough to pull back he thinks. He was starting to think it was getting to be a hassle, like maybe he should cut it. 

_I like it._

Maybe he'll keep it.

When Kakashi leaves - he never stays, he always leaves - Iruka is left in his bed feeling an odd sense of hollowness that he hasn’t felt before.

He knows it is just sex, he knows that…but then Kakashi looks at him like that and he thinks…

_No. It’s nothing._

* * *

**_You around?_ **

Nothing has changed in the past few weeks. Kakashi still texts him late at night and fucks him and then leaves. There are a few times Iruka thinks maybe, maybe Kakashi is looking at him a little differently, touching him too softly - but he is sure he is imagining things. He forces himself not to think about it, not to read too much into it.

Iruka blinks at the screen. He's in the gym, just finishing up his set. It's actually early for Kakashi to be texting him. Kakashi usually waits til at least 9pm to text him. It's only 7 now. 

**_At the gym. Headed home now._ **

**_I'll meet you._ **

Kakashi answers, and Iruka doesn't have time to unpack the fact that Kakashi didn't wait to see if Iruka was actually free or not - just told him that he'd be over knowing Iruka wouldn't tell him no.

Iruka heads home and doesn't actually think Kakashi will be there when he arrives. Kakashi always says he will show up at a certain time but he never actually sticks to it. Iruka has gotten used to tacking on at least an additional 45 minutes to whatever his ETA is.

When he opens his apartment door, he throws his gym bag to the ground and kicks off his shoes. He wonders why Kakashi has decided to meet with him so early tonight.

"Yo."

"JESUS!" Iruka yells, jumping five feet backwards when he sees the man sitting on his couch. _Kakashi_ sitting on his couch. "What the fuck?!"

Kakashi stays seated, leg crossed over his knee in the most casual nonchalant position ever. His arm is resting over the back of the couch and he looks at Iruka with a blank expression. Iruka hates how at home he looks right now, how he just fits in Iruka's space like it's nothing, like he belongs there.

"How did you get in my apartment?" Iruka asks with a strained voice.

Kakashi raises a hand, a key ring dangles around one finger.

"I had a very nice conversation with one of your neighbors." Kakashi says with a lopsided smile. "I think she said her name was Tsunade? Lovely woman."

Iruka rolls his eyes. The old bat who lives across the hall. She has to be in her mid 50s but she's had so much work done her face practically looks like plastic, so it's hard to tell. Not to mention her huge fake tits that she constantly has on display.

"So she just let you in?" Iruka asks in exasperation. 

Kakashi jingles the key. "She gave me the spare."

Iruka walks towards him. _Oh right._ He actually forgot she had those. "I gave them to her to water my plants while I was out of town last summer."

Iruka had spent a long weekend by himself camping, just trying to get away from the world and his own miserable loneliness. It was a bad idea.

"You don't have any plants," Kakashi points out, reaches for Iruka's waist and pulls him close. He uncrosses his legs so Iruka can stand between them.

"Well yeah, she did a shit job." Iruka lets himself be pulled into the embrace. Kakashi lifts the keys to him and Iruka takes them, tosses them behind him to land on the coffee table. He places his hands on Kakashi's shoulders as the man wraps his arms around his torso and buries his face into his stomach.

It's oddly intimate. Coming home and having Kakashi already there is nicer than Iruka wants to admit. He lets his hands wander up to Kakashi's grey hair and drags his fingers through it, stroking gently.

Kakashi pulls at his shirt, lifts the edge of it up so he can get to Iruka's skin. Iruka tugs at his hair as he presses kisses into his stomach.

"Hey," Iruka tries to pull him away. He just got back from the gym and he is disgustingly sweaty. There's no way he smells like anything other than a dirty sock right now. "I should shower."

Kakashi just grips him tighter, nuzzles his face against his belly. "No."

"I'm literally so gross and sweaty right now. I stink." Iruka objects with a whine.

Kakashi shakes his head, pulls away slightly so he can look up at Iruka. "I like it."

He then tugs up Iruka's shirt more, exposes more of his skin that's glistening with sweat, and licks a long stripe up his abs.

Iruka chokes, can't help but pull at his hair roughly as his body jerks with the sudden touch.

"You smell good," Kakashi tells him. Then burrows his face against him again. "Taste good too."

"You're fucking weird," Iruka can't help but laugh. He keeps playing with Kakashi's hair as the man goes back to peppering kisses across his abs. 

Kakashi's hands move to his ass, his fingers are just starting to tug at Iruka's waistband when Iruka's stomach _growls._

They both pause. Iruka feels absolutely mortified. Kakashi's face is _right against_ his stomach. There is no way he didn't hear that.

Kakashi picks his head up. "Are you hungry?"

Iruka shakes his head, embarrassed. "No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Kakashi asks. His thumbs are drawing lazy patterns on his skin above the hem of his joggers. "If you wanna eat you can. This can wait."

Iruka stares down at him, face hot. His fingers are still tangled in Kakashi's hair. 

"It's fine," he says again. "I'm not hungry."

He really isn't. It isn't that big of a deal. Kakashi narrows his eyes at him and Iruka doesn't understand why he keeps looking at him like that. Iruka tries to gently tug at his hair again, tries to coax him back into what he was doing just a moment ago.

Kakashi keeps his eyes locked on him for one more second before following his lead. He goes back to kissing him, lets his lips trail beneath his bellybutton, tugs at his waistband to reveal more skin covered with hair that leads down to his cock. 

Iruka's nails scratch at his scalp. He inclines his hips forward, encouraging Kakashi to touch him more.

Not even a minute passes before there is another deep _growl_ gurgling up from Iruka's empty gut.

Iruka groans, embarrassment overcoming him again. _What a fucking turnoff._

Kakashi just laughs and stands up. Their position makes it so when he does, he is flush against Iruka, and their faces are only an inch apart. 

"Sorry," Iruka mumbles. He drops his head forward in shame and rests his forehead against Kakashi's collarbone. 

"Don't be," Kakashi says, and places a kiss on the crown of Iruka's head. He grabs Iruka by his arm and pulls him into his tiny kitchen.

Iruka trails behind him, watches helplessly as Kakashi opens his fridge. He knows he doesn't really have any food. 

"When was the last time you ate?" Kakashi asks. Iruka stares at his ass as he bends over to riffle through the fridge. There's a carton of milk and some condiments, nothing special.

"This morning," Iruka answers.

Kakashi closes the door and turns to look at him briefly. "No lunch?"

He then busies himself by going through Iruka's cabinets.

"I gave it away."

Kakashi pulls out a box of cereal that has less than a bowl's worth of contents in it. Opens the tab and sniffs, then closes it again, places it back on the shelf. There isn’t much else occupying the cabinet with it. Just some cup ramen and oatmeal packets.

"What do you mean?"

Iruka sighs. "I have a student who I dont think is getting properly fed at home. I've been giving him my lunches recently. I can't seem to pack enough for the two of us."

He laughs a little to himself then, stares at the counter and trails a finger against the surface in a lazy circle. "He eats so much. Everytime I think I have enough he proves me wrong."

Iruka looks up when he realizes the shuffling of Kakashi's movements has stopped. Kakashi is leaning against the counter with his arms crossed, he stares at Iruka with a soft expression on his face. Iruka feels hot under the gaze.

"Well," Kakashi says, breaking the silence, and walks towards Iruka. "Guess we have to go shopping then."

"What?" Iruka asks, startled.

"You don't have any food here," Kakashi points out. "What do you even eat?"

Iruka shrugs. "I'm not very good at cooking...I usually just order out."

It's true. Iruka is a nightmare of a cook. He pretty much lives off of protein shakes, cereal, and instant ramen. It isn't the greatest diet Iruka knows, but it gets the job done.

Kakashi blinks at him. "Ok, I'll cook for you then."

Then he’s pushing past Iruka, motioning for him to follow. Kakashi heads to his door, slips his shoes back on. 

Iruka stares at him dumbly. _Is he serious right now?_

“C’mon,” Kakashi calls to him when Iruka hasn’t moved. “Let’s go.”

"Kakashi you don't have to," Iruka says. "I'll just have a bowl of cereal it's fine."

Kakashi quirks an eyebrow. "Cereal? You mean that stale box of cheerios you have?"

Iruka stutters. "I-"

"Iruka," Kakashi cuts him off. "You haven't eaten in what? 12 hours? And you worked out on an empty stomach? You need more than cereal."

Iruka wants to complain, _he's an adult he knows how to feed himself_ , but then Kakashi is walking back over to him. He reaches his hands out to gently take hold of Iruka’s own, leans forward - softly presses his lips against Iruka's in the most delicate kiss Iruka has ever experienced.

"I need you fully energized," Kakashi whispers, breath hot over his mouth - his voice deep and husky.

Iruka suddenly feels weak, nods minutely. He closes his eyes as Kakashi goes to kiss him again, this time more forceful and with more intent behind it. Iruka's mouth falls open, and Kakashi's tongue slides across his own. He kisses him deep and slow, leaves Iruka breathless, light headed.

"Ok," Iruka breathes out when they pull apart. 

"Ok," Kakashi repeats with a smile. "I'll drive."

It takes a minute for Iruka to register that this is actually the first time he and Kakashi have gone out together. As in, actually left Iruka's apartment.

Of course, it's not a big deal. They're in a grocery store after all. Not like it's a fancy date at some restaurant or something.

Iruka did suggest to Kakashi that they could just pick something up quick to eat, but Kakashi insisted that he would cook. So that's why Iruka finds himself slowly strolling through the produce aisle, leaning his weight against a shopping cart as Kakashi picks up various items as they go.

Kakashi grips the front of the cart, and pulls it to guide Iruka behind him. Iruka aimlessly follows, not questioning Kakashi's selections. He seems to know what he is doing. It's kind of surprising to think that Kakashi can cook, but Iruka doesn't know _why_ it surprises him. He supposes it just solidifies the fact that he doesn't actually know anything about the man.

Which makes this whole thing even stranger. Walking together through the grocery store, picking out different foods to cook together - it is a shockingly _domestic_ activity.

"Do me a favor," Kakashi says, interrupting his thoughts. "Get a carton of eggs. I'll meet you over there."

Iruka nods, and pushes the cart down a few aisles to fetch the requested item. It really is quite bizarre. He feels an abrupt urge to _laugh_ at the situation. Iruka can't tell if it's out of delirium or something else entirely. He just can't wrap his mind around the fact that he's out grocery shopping with this man that he doesn't even know - that's he been casually fucking for two months straight. It doesn't feel real.

Iruka pulls open the glass door and takes out a carton. He's leaning over the handle of the cart to place the eggs in the basket gently when a hand sliding around his waist startles him.

"Hey- oh," he relaxes when he realizes it's Kakashi.

"Sorry," Kakashi says from behind him. His hand rests on Iruka's hip as he reaches past him to place a bundle of bananas into the cart. "Couldn't help myself."

He presses his front flush against Iruka's back, slithers his arms around his torso and locks him in a tight hold. Kakashi sways on his feet and the grip he has on Iruka forces him to move with him. Kakashi buries his face into Iruka's neck, kisses at his skin.

"Have you seen your ass?" He murmurs hotly against Iruka's throat. "It's criminal how good you look right now."

_"Kakashi,"_ Iruka squirms. _They're in public_. The store is quiet - since it's rather late - so there aren't that many other shoppers around, but still…

"Yes?" Kakashi asks, feigning innocence. 

"I'm literally just wearing sweatpants," Iruka laughs, he moves forward - determined to keep pushing the cart and continue on with their shopping.

"So?" Kakashi follows awkwardly behind him, refusing to let go. He plants a sloppy kiss on Iruka's cheek, just to be funny. "Still sexy."

Again, it's alarmingly domestic. Playfully flirting while grocery shopping. Iruka thinks they must look like a real couple to any onlookers. The thought makes his heart suddenly jump in his chest.

_They aren't a real couple though._

Iruka tries to act normal - tries not show on his face how he feels like he’s about to have an existential crisis.

"Anything else you need while we're here?" Kakashi asks, not noticing Iruka's inner turmoil. He loosens his grip on Iruka only to reach a hand up and tug at his ponytail. "Some hair ties, maybe?"

Iruka pauses. Mindlessly lifts a hand up to smooth out the hair where Kakashi pulled. "Actually I do seem to keep misplacing them recently…"

Kakashi laughs. "Hair ties it is then."

They make their way to the hygiene section of the store. Iruka picks out a pack of 50 dark brown elastic hair ties and throws them into the cart.

"What about these?" Kakashi holds up a pack of ribbon hair ties. They come in a variety of colors, from black to a pale pink. One has polka dots. Iruka scrunches his nose at them.

"They're supposed to be better for your hair," Kakashi says, reading the back of the package. " _Gentle on hair, no tugs or snags_." 

Iruka rolls his eyes. "I don't need anything fancy. Regular old elastic is fine."

Kakashi tosses them in the cart anyway. Iruka ignores the unfamiliar sensation he feels in his gut, blaming it on the fact he still hasn't eaten.

As they continue to walk down the aisle, they pass the personal care section.

Kakashi abruptly pauses. "Should probably get more of these while we're here."

Iruka watches as Kakashi makes to grab a box of condoms. His throat feels tight as a thought suddenly occurs to him. 

Iruka has only been with one other person. He also isn't currently seeing anyone else besides Kakashi. He knows he's clean. Condoms really aren't a necessity. Would it be too bold to ask Kakashi about it? If he poses the question like it's just about the condoms, maybe he could find out if Kakashi is seeing him exclusively or not. They aren't in a relationship, so there is no telling if Kakashi is seeing anyone else at the same time. Iruka suddenly aches badly with the desire to know.

"Um," Iruka is surprised by his own voice. He can't believe he is actually about to have this conversation in the middle of a fucking grocery store. 

"Hm?" Kakashi inquires, not looking away from making his selection. He has two boxes in his hands. "How do you feel about _ribbed for her pleasure_?"

"We don't need them," Iruka blurts. 

Kakashi places one box back on the shelf. "Ok, no ribs."

" _No,"_ Iruka says firmly. "I mean-"

He swallows, face unbearably hot. If he was any paler he's sure he would look like a lobster right now.

Kakashi finally looks at him with a curious eye.

"I mean," Iruka tries again. He shifts awkwardly on his feet, nervous under Kakashi's gaze. "I'm clean."

He feels stupid exclaiming such a thing, but forces himself to continue anyway. "I just mean, like, I'm clean and I'm not, um, I'm not seeing anyone else so...if you…"

Iruka can't help but stammer the words out, feeling like an idiot as he does. "If you aren't, uh, seeing anyone either then...then we don't need them."

Kakashi says nothing and does nothing for a moment. Iruka panics. _What was he thinking?_ What if Kakashi _is_ seeing someone else? What if Iruka has to hear him say he's fucking a bunch of other people while they are fucking _grocery shopping_ together. What's he going to do? Just pretend to act normal like it doesn't absolutely crush him? And he hates that it even will because _they aren't dating and it isn't his business._

"Ok," Kakashi finally says, and places the box back on the shelf.

Iruka takes a breath. He didn't even realize he had stopped breathing in his anticipation. 

"Ok?" Iruka asks quietly. He wants Kakashi to confirm it.

"Yeah," Kakashi says, and his voice is easy, casual, as is his posture. Nothing about him comes off as frantic like how Iruka currently feels. "I'm not seeing anyone else either."

Iruka feels like a huge weight has been lifted off his chest. Kakashi isn't sleeping around with anyone else. That's a good thing right? They're only sleeping with each other. It's good to know that on the nights Iruka is just waiting for a text from the other man that he isn't off in someone else's bed.

They don't talk about it any further though, and Iruka tries not to overthink about what this all means. So they're exclusive, and Kakashi is buying him groceries (Iruka tries to stop him, tries to pay himself but Kakashi just waves a hand at him, saying he is the one who offered to cook - except Iruka can see they put way more than one meal's worth of food in the cart.) 

_What does this make them?_

They stumble into Iruka's apartment carrying as many bags as possible - refusing to make more than one trip - and Iruka laughs as Kakashi races to reach the counter without dropping anything, the handles on the bags being dangerously close to tearing around his fingers.

Iruka fumbles behind him, piling everything together on his kitchen counter. Together, they begin to put everything away, only leaving out what Kakashi needs to cook.

"I think I need more cabinets," Iruka mumbles while he tries to shove an extra box of cereal onto an already packed shelf.

"You need more counter space," Kakashi says as he lays out the things he needs.

"Now you know why I don't cook," Iruka tells him with a laugh.

"Is that why?" Kakashi teases and bumps his hip against Iruka's as he slides up next to him. 

It's nice, standing in his kitchen and preparing dinner with Kakashi. Iruka thinks it's something he could get used to.

"What are you making anyway?" Iruka asks, and he opens his mouth as Kakashi holds up a fresh cut thin slice of a green pepper.

"You'll see," is all he says. "Boil a pot of water for me please?"

Iruka scrambles to find a pot hidden in one of his bottom cabinets. Kakashi is lucky he even has one. Iruka does as told and then takes his place next to Kakashi again. He rests his head on his shoulder as the man cuts up various ingredients. It's starting to get late and he is sleepy already. This has to be the longest he and Kakashi have been together _without_ fucking. It's actually funny, when Iruka thinks about it.

He feels pleasantly at ease though. After their brief conversation, just knowing that one thing makes him feel so much better - even if it also opens up the door to some other questions at the same time.

They walk through the steps of cooking together, Kakashi quietly explaining as he goes, but Iruka still doesn't know what it is that they're making until they are practically almost finished.

Kakashi drains the noodles after they finish boiling.

"Ramen," Iruka says triumphantly when he realizes. "You're making ramen!"

"Yeah," Kakashi shrugs. "I noticed you had that cup ramen in your cabinet. Figured you might want to try the real thing."

Iruka finds that surprisingly sweet. The fact that he noticed and wanted to make something he knew Iruka would like…

They stand at Iruka's counter and eat. Iruka really didn't realize how hungry he was. He also can't remember the last time he's had a home cooked meal. It tastes amazing, and Iruka moans as he slurps it all down.

Kakashi laughs at him. "Seems like I'm not even needed here."

"Oh no," Iruka adamantly shakes his head as he places his bowl down and wipes at his mouth. "You are absolutely definitely needed. This is fucking amazing. I'm gonna make you cook all the time now."

"Yeah?" Kakashi chuckles. He shifts closer into Iruka's space, gets his hands on his hips.

Iruka stares at him with wide eyes. They've done this so many times, but Kakashi still manages to catch him off guard.

"Just cook?" Kakashi asks, and his voice drops low. "Not gonna make me do anything else?"

Iruka swallows hard. Answers slowly. "I dunno. Could probably think of a few other things."

Kakashi smirks, leans in to nibble at Iruka's throat, tugs at his ear. "Like what?"

"Fuck me," Iruka breathes, and even he can't tell if it's an answer to the question or if it's a request.

It doesn't matter. Kakashi takes it as an invitation and quick maneuvers Iruka so he's bent over the counter. Iruka tries not to knock everything off of it as Kakashi pulls his joggers down and kneels behind him. Kakashi shoves his face in his ass, licks his hole open until Iruka is an absolute whimpering mess, gets two fingers inside him next to his tongue and fucks Iruka til he comes with a cry right there in the kitchen.

They move to the bedroom after that, and this time when they fuck it's unhurried, slow, their stomachs both too full for anything more strenuous.

Kakashi fucks Iruka without a condom, and the feel of his cock sliding in and out of him is incredible. Kakashi drives into him with long slow rocks of his hips, and Iruka meets them as he tilts his own hips up, grinds them in a circle.

It feels like they fuck for hours, and it's amazing.

When they finally finish, Kakashi leaves like always. Iruka doesn't know why it surprises him this time.

It just felt so nice when they were together, out in public like it was normal, cooking dinner together, lazily fucking like they had all the time in world.

Iruka can't figure out what they are. Kakashi confirmed they were exclusive, doesn't that mean anything?

Iruka forces the thought from his head. He's reading too much into things. _It's nothing. It means nothing._

If it meant something...Kakashi would say so. If it meant something Kakashi would text him _without_ needing to fuck him. Maybe text him just to say _good morning,_ or _how was your day_ , not _hey lemme come over and get in that ass._

He's being stupid, he knows he is. Iruka is an adult, and he knows not to read into things like some love sick teenager.

_This is what he wanted._

Iruka likes this routine they have. He knows falling into bed (repeatedly) with the first person to show any type of interest in him in years probably isn't the healthiest thing in the world, but he doesn't want to stop. He doesn’t want to stop being touched, held, _fucked._ He's missed it for so long. He doesn’t want to give it up. Doesn't want to give up the late nights spent with Kakashi - the nights where Kakashi spends hours taking care of him, treating him like he is the only thing in the world. Doesn't want to give up the way Kakashi smiles at him - laughs off his awkwardness and makes Iruka feel completely at ease. Iruka doesn't want to let those things go. If he asks for anything else, and Kakashi _doesn't_ feel the same way, then what if Kakashi stops seeing him all together? Iruka couldn't handle that.

Maybe that's selfish of him, but he doesn't care. He never gets to be selfish. Maybe now he should. He should just take what he can get while he can get it. If Kakashi is using him - then Iruka is using him too.

He pushes all his feelings down and ignores them. He won't ruin this good thing they have going on by _catching feelings._

* * *

It takes Kakashi a full two weeks before he texts Iruka again. Which is totally fine with Iruka. It's not like Iruka spent the whole time impatiently waiting for him to text him, and agonizing over why he wasn't getting one.

In truth, Iruka kept thinking maybe things had gone too far last time. Like maybe they were _too comfortable._ Maybe, Iruka freaked Kakashi out by asking him to be exclusive. Maybe Kakashi lied. Maybe there are others.

The fact of the matter is that Kakashi has his own life and his own schedule that Iruka isn't apart of. Iruka knows that information shouldn't bother him, because this is the arrangement _he wanted_ and _he agreed_ upon, but it _does_ bother him _._

**_You up?_ **

Iruka hates how the two simple words make his heart rate pick up. Iruka is actually laying in bed, having already showered and gotten ready to go to sleep. It's a Saturday night, but Iruka had no plans (what else is new) and he accepted he wasn't going to get a text from Kakashi - so he figured he should just try to go to bed early and hit the gym in the morning. Sleep didn't come to him easily though, and he was finding himself aimlessly scrolling through Instagram for hours. He was actually just starting to forget about Kakashi when his phone vibrated in his hands.

His fingers hover over the keys as he hesitates. Part of him feels like he should ignore him, pretend he has already fallen asleep and that he missed the message. He doesn't know why but he feels bitter, bitter that Kakashi has left him in the dark for two weeks, leaving Iruka feeling self conscious and confused.

**_Yeah._ **

Iruka answers, because he is weak. He is so weak and he hates it but he wants to see Kakashi. Badly wants to feel the other man against him, hold him, fuck him, anything.

**_Can I see you?_ **

Iruka stares at the screen. Hates how the words make his chest ache.

**_Yes._ **

Iruka doesn't bother to change out of his pajamas, and stays lying in bed until he hears the knock on his door.

"Were you sleeping?" Kakashi asks when he sees him. Kakashi is of course dressed normally, jeans and a hoodie. It's late March and starting to get too warm for the leather jacket Iruka is accustomed to seeing him in.

Iruka wipes at his eyes. He's tired. "No, just resting."

Kakashi wastes no time crowding up in Iruka's space, shutting the door behind him. He wraps his arms around Iruka tightly, and buries his face into his hair. Iruka lets him do as he pleases, welcoming the touch easily. 

They fall into Iruka's bed, with Iruka laying on his back while Kakashi hovers over him and trails light kisses down his neck, against his collar bone.

Kakashi undresses him, then undresses himself, and Iruka just lays and waits, not having enough energy to do much else.

Once nude, Kakashi's mouth falls back to Iruka's neck, and he sucks and bites and licks, moves to his ear and _tugs._

Iruka gasps, and bites his lip to keep quiet as his body responds quickly despite his tiredness.

"Don't," Kakashi says, and Iruka's brow furrows in confusion. 

"Wha-" he starts to ask, and shivers at Kakashi's breath against his ear.

"Don't hold back," Kakashi answers with a small nip before pulling away so he can look down at Iruka. "Wanna hear you."

Iruka stares up at him, taken aback, but doesn't have a chance to respond before Kakashi is kissing him. Iruka tilts his head up into the kiss, and opens his mouth to slide his tongue against Kakashi's. He feels more awake now when they part.

Kakashi leans over his body to open the nightstand, and pulls out the lube. He squeezes a hefty amount on his hand and wraps it around Iruka's cock.

" _Ah!"_ Iruka gasps loudly this time. Kakashi doesn't stall any further and immediately sets a rapid pace.

Iruka's hips thrust up to meet his hand. It's slick with lube and Kakashi keeps his grip unforgivably tight. The wet sound it makes as he strokes him quick and unrelenting is absolutely obscene.

" _Kakashi,"_ Iruka moans.

" _Yeah,"_ Kakashi answers, encouraging. He twists his wrist, rotates his tight hold on Iruka's cock with every jerk. Iruka brings a hand up to his own hair and _pulls_ because it's maddening how a fucking handjob could be so incredible. Everything Kakashi does is incredible.

Iruka's head falls back further into his pillow, his mouth drops open as he pants loudly. Kakashi kisses along his jaw, whispers dirty things against his skin.

Iruka lifts his feet on the bed, gets them flat so he can push up further into Kakashi's hand. 

"Yeah," Kakashi says again. "C'mon, fuck my fist baby, make yourself come."

Kakashi's hips are rutting against Iruka's side as he pants above him. Iruka's eyes are closed but he can feel his breath in between the kisses he presses all over, on his cheeks, his jaw, down his throat, over his shoulders and chest. It's so gentle but so completely _desperate_ at the same time. Iruka feels dizzy with it.

" _Fuck Kakashi,_ " He's already so close.

"That's right," Kakashi says. "Say it again. Say my name."

" _Kakashi,_ " Iruka replies without hesitation. Kakashi buries his face into his neck and _groans._

Iruka grips tight at the other man's arm as he fucks upward into his fist. He is so hopeless for it, can feel his release right on the edge.

" _Kakashi Kakashi Kakashi,"_ he pants.

" _Fuck,_ you sound so good," Kakashi murmurs into Iruka's hair. "Love how you say my name. Think I could listen to it all day."

Iruka lets out a low moan at that.

"Do you ever?" Kakashi keeps talking, and Iruka doesn't have time to question his words. "Do you ever think about me? Fuck your own hand and imagine it's mine? Fuck yourself on that little dildo you got knowing it's not enough for you?"

It's so filthy. The way Kakashi speaks. Iruka can't stand it. His gut tightens. " _Kaka-"_

"Do you?" Kakashi presses. "Do you moan my name even when you're alone? Think about me when I'm not here?"

_Always._ Iruka wants to say. _Always, always, always._ So much so that it _hurts._ The reality of it is even more painful. Iruka whimpers.

" _Come for me._ " 

Iruka does. He comes so hard he stops breathing, sees nothing but _black_ as the sensation overpowers him.

He goes slack on the bed. Kakashi peppers more kisses over his face. Covers his forehead, his closed eyelids, his cheeks, his nose, trails over the scar and lands on his lips.

"Fucking beautiful." He whispers, and Iruka feels like he is _dying._

Kakashi moves Iruka's body, wraps his arms around him so Iruka is cradled into his chest. Iruka is still breathing heavy - allows himself to be moved and rests his head against Kakashi. It's too hot huddled together like this but Iruka doesn't care. Kakashi's head is resting atop his own and they just lay in silence for a few moments.

They have cuddled before, so it isn't totally foreign. Some nights Kakashi will lay with him in post orgasmic bliss, and wait to catch his breath for a couple minutes before leaving. It's always nice, but Iruka has learned not to expect too much from it.

Iruka knows Kakashi hasn't come yet, and he's tired - especially after _that -_ so he doesn't want to leave him hanging for long.

He trails a hand clumsily down Kakashi's chest, tries to reach for his cock. Kakashi grabs his wrist to stop him, pulls it back up.

"Just sleep," Kakashi tells him, takes the hand still in his grasp and kisses his palm.

Iruka wants to protest, but he's too exhausted, too _comfortable_ laying in Kakashi's arms. 

He falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. This chapter was actually very hard to write. Any other astrology fans out there? i kept thinking about how Iruka is a gemini and Kakashi is a virgo while writing this....Iruka is a typical gemini. where my geminis at? I am one too!!
> 
> Thank you again to those of you who are sharing your comments. It means a lot.
> 
> I am on tumblr, and have posted this fic on my fic blog kiitsvne, for those who are interested. My main blog is obitchuary if you wanna talk the nart man with me! sorry he isn't in this chapter! :(


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note Iruka has a PTSD flashback in this chapter. The details of the flashback are not explicit, but the details of his panic attack are. Please be cautious when reading.

When Iruka wakes up, he is alone.

He spreads out in his bed, stretches, rolls over to grab his phone off the nightstand. _11am._

Iruka sits up with a heavy sigh and rakes a hand through his hair. It's loose. He must have lost his hair tie in the middle of the night again. He's too lazy to look through the sheets for it now though, so he just ignores it as he drags his body out of bed. The sheets fall away and a chill runs through his body, reminding him that he is naked. _Right. Kakashi was here._

He isn't surprised to be alone, again. Iruka feels a little guilty for falling asleep on the man but it couldn't be helped. He just didn't realize how tired he was when he agreed to see him. Frankly, Iruka knows he would have said yes either way. After all, he's never said no to Kakashi.

Iruka tosses on a pair of boxers and shuffles out to his kitchen. It's still stocked up from when Kakashi took him shopping two weeks ago. Iruka really doesn't eat that much. Even now he really is only in the mood for a protein shake. Something light to get him ready for his daily work out.

Iruka pulls out a carton of blueberries, stands in front of the open fridge and grabs a handful right out the container. He's shoving them in his mouth when his front door opens.

Kakashi stumbles in, balancing two to-go coffee cups while fumbling with Iruka's keys.

Iruka stares at him in shock, his brain hardly registering what he is seeing. _Is he still asleep? Is this a dream?_ Kakashi is wearing his hoodie that Iruka remembers from last night, and grey sweatpants - that Iruka definitely doesn't remember from last night.

"Oh, hey-" Kakashi says as he enters the apartment fully. He kicks the door closed behind him. "You're up."

Iruka struggles to swallow around the mountain of blueberries in his mouth, ends up choking on them and coughs. He composes himself as he puts the rest away and quickly closes the fridge.

"You alright?" Kakashi walks over to him, places a cup on the counter. "You didn't have any coffee so I figured I'd run out and grab some. I used your spare."

The spare set of Iruka's keys gets thrown on the counter next to the coffee. Iruka so desperately wants to say _keep them._

Instead, he stares down at the cup that's been presented to him. 

"I don't drink coffee," he says flatly.

"Ah," Kakashi says thoughtfully. "I guess I should have realized."

Iruka keeps his gaze down - can't help but bitterly think, _yeah if you spent the night every once in a while then you would have._

"Well, more for me," Kakashi shrugs, and takes a sip from his own drink.

Iruka looks at him then. Kakashi standing here in his kitchen at 11am drinking coffee. The unfamiliarity of it puts Iruka on edge, like he suddenly doesn't know how to speak to the man.

"You're wearing my pants," he finally notices.

"Hm?" Kakashi looks down at himself. The grey joggers he has on are definitely not from his wardrobe. They are too small on him, and the light colored thin material shows _everything._ "Oh yeah. I just threw them on this morning. Didn't feel like putting on my jeans. That ok?"

_This morning…_

Kakashi spent the night? And Iruka didn't even know? Iruka remembers falling asleep but he didn't realize...and when he woke up…

"You wore those in public?" He ends up saying - instead of the millions of other thoughts racing through his brain. There's actually a weird fuzzy feeling he has in his chest upon seeing Kakashi in his clothes, but Iruka isn't sure if it's because of the knowledge that they are _his_ or if it's just because the way they fit makes his mouth water.

Kakashi gives him a confused look. "What do you mean?"

Iruka's face heats up and he has to turn away just to avoid staring. It's _right there._ Kakashi must have foregone underwear too.

Kakashi takes notice and inches up closer to him with a teasing smile. His one hand is still preoccupied with his coffee, but the other rests on his opposite hip as he presses his front to Iruka's side. Kakashi's fingers graze the skin above his waistband, and Iruka is abruptly made hyper aware that he is practically naked in nothing but his boxers. 

Feeling intensely self conscious all the sudden, he squirms away from Kakashi and waves him off with his hand. He misses his touch the instant he does, and he's pissed that apparently Kakashi was in bed with him all night and he hardly got to enjoy it. He wonders if it would be inappropriate to ask Kakashi to come back to bed, just to burrow next to him and feel his warmth. It's such a sappy thought it almost makes Iruka gag on the spot. _Yeah, he's in too deep._

Iruka crosses his arms over his chest in a subconscious movement to hide his body. He didn't even bother to look in the mirror this morning, and hasn't even brushed his teeth, or his hair. It's probably sticking out all over the place, not tamed back in it's usual ponytail.

Kakashi doesn't seem fazed by his shyness, and instead just takes another gulp from his coffee and asks, "have you eaten?"

Iruka shrugs. "I was about to make a smoothie or something."

Kakashi wrinkles his nose, puts his drink down and opens the fridge. "Just a smoothie?"

"I was gonna go to the gym so…" he trails off. He doesn't want Kakashi to think he's kicking him out.

"You went last night didn't you?" Kakashi asks. His ass in the tight joggers as he bends to rummage through the fridge is distracting.

"Yeah, I go every day," Iruka says like it's obvious, like why _wouldn't_ he go every day?

Kakashi straightens up to look at him - doesn't miss how Iruka eyes fly up from his backside to meet his gaze. He smirks at him and Iruka's face flares with heat. 

"You know you're like insanely hot right?" Kakashi says, and Iruka practically jumps with how taken aback he is by the random compliment.

"What?" 

Kakashi turns to put a carton of eggs on the counter along with some other items he grabbed, and then faces Iruka.

He tugs at Iruka's arms, pulling them away from shielding his body and slots himself against his front in their place. Kakashi's eyes rake over him as he does, and Iruka's skin burns under the attention.

"Like, you're fucking jacked dude," and Iruka can't help but laugh at his phrasing. Kakashi leans in to give him a kiss, short and sweet and just a quick brush of the lips. "You work out too much. You can afford an off day or two."

Now Iruka wrinkles his nose. He hates when people tell him he works out too much. Why is it a big deal?

"What about you?" Iruka asks. He jabs a finger at Kakashi's pec. "You must do something. You got bigger tits than me!"

Kakashi isn't toned like Iruka, but he is bulky. The muscles he has are apparent even under the bit of softness over them. Iruka likes his body - likes that he still has a stomach and a big chest and muscular arms. 

Kakashi chuckles and breaks away, goes back to the food on the counter. "I practice jujutsu."

"Huh?" Iruka says, feeling like he heard him incorrectly.

Kakashi starts cutting up some mushrooms. "Do you want an omelet?"

"Wait," Iruka won't let him change the subject. "You do martial arts?"

Kakashi stops what he's doing briefly to look at him. "Yeah. Do you want peppers and mushrooms or I could put spinach and feta in it if you want."

"Yeah whatever," Iruka brushes him off, not caring about the food. "How long have you been doing jujutsu?"

"Hm. About 13 years now I think." 

"So are you like a black belt?" Iruka asks with a laugh.

"Yes, I am." Kakashi answers seriously. 

Iruka wasn't actually expecting that. "Wow really?"

Kakashi turns to the stove. "I'll take you to my dojo sometime. Can you get me a pan?"

Iruka grabs a pan for him and comes up next to Kakashi to place it on the stove. "You have a dojo?"

"Of course," Kakashi says as he begins to cook. Iruka just hovers next to him and watches. "We can sparr. Give you a real workout."

Kakashi winks at him before returning his focus to the stove and Iruka laughs. "Ok sure."

He says it sarcastically. Kakashi and him have never actually 'gone out' other than the spontaneous shopping trip so he isn't really taking him seriously.

"What? You think you can take me?"

"Oh, I can take you," Iruka laughs again.

"You can take me," Kakashi says, and bumps Iruka's hip with his own. "But can you _take_ me?"

Iruka bites his lip, feeling his body react to the innuendo. He takes a step away and flexes his arms jokingly. "No offense but…"

Kakashi looks at him. Iruka was trying to be funny by pointing out he _could_ take Kakashi, considering he has more defined muscles than the other man, but the heated look Kakashi gives him proves he doesn't care. His eyes trail over Iruka's body, rake down his chest and where his abs flex, and lock on the deep v of his hips. 

Iruka instantly becomes shy again, smacking Kakashi's arm and curling back in on himself to hide his body.

Kakashi turns back to the food and chuckles. "You're the one showing off."

"Stop," Iruka says, grumpy, and crosses his arms over his chest.

Kakashi shrugs, goes back to focusing on the food. He prepares an omelet for Iruka, who takes it and begins to eat while Kakashi makes one for himself. They eat in relative silence. It's oddly comforting. Iruka feels at ease, his earlier nervousness completely dissipated. He doesn't know why he thought morning Kakashi would be different than night Kakashi but he isn't, and being with him is just as easy as it always is.

When they finish, they both clean up together. Iruka doesn't really have any other plans for the day, and he wonders if Kakashi does, wonders what would happen if he asked…

"Hey," Kakashi speaks before he can. He just put the eggs back in the fridge, and is standing in front of the closed door. "Are these your kids?"

"Huh?" Iruka asks, completely forgetting about the photos he has plastered on the fridge door. "Oh yeah, my students."

He has multiple photos throughout the years held up with magnets. Some are as old as his first year teaching, and some are as new as last Christmas.

Kakashi leans forward to look at them closely. "Who is this?"

Iruka comes up next to him to see what he's looking at. Kakashi tugs one photo off the door - an old one of just him and Naruto. A selfie they took. It's one of Iruka's favorite pictures, a day he remembers as life changing.

"Naruto," Iruka says. 

"He's in a lot of them," Kakashi points out.

"Yeah," Iruka laughs quietly to himself, thinking of the boy fondly. "It's funny actually. He was in my very first class. When I first started I was teaching first grade. He was a nightmare back then, still is actually."

He looks over the other photos, and points to another one. A full class picture where Naruto is seen standing right in front of Iruka. Iruka remembers having a tight grip on his shoulder to keep him still. "He was so bad he got held back. And I remember being so pissed that I was going to be stuck with him again."

Kakashi laughs a little at that, but then Iruka gets serious, leaning into Kakashi's side to look at the photo in his hand. "But it actually was like a wake up call, you know? Like it made me realize I failed as a teacher."

"Hm," Kakashi hums, he puts an arm around Iruka to pull him close. "I'm sure it wasn't your fault."

"It was though. Naruto didn't have any parents and he just wanted someone to acknowledge him. I should have known better," Iruka says, sniffs. He tries to hold back his emotions as he continues, can't help himself. "I grew up in foster care too and I knew what it was like to be ignored and passed from family to family, forced to live with people who only pretend to care about you."

Kakashi squeezes his arm. Iruka can't believe he is actually sharing this, but now that he started he can't stop. It's been so long since he's talked about this.

"When my parents died," Iruka pauses, has to swallow the sadness in his voice that threatens to come out. "I did the same thing at school. I acted out just to get some attention. When I realized Naruto was going through the same thing I decided to change and teach him differently. That's when we took that picture."

Iruka remembers crying with Naruto that day, remembers telling him that even though he knew the loneliness felt absolutely crushing, that everything would be ok, and that he would always be there for him.

Iruka sniffs one more time before continuing. "Anyway, I ended up getting moved to fourth grade the same year he did, so he was in my class again. And then it happened again when I moved up to teach sixth."

"He's the one you keep giving your lunch to, isn't he?" Kakashi says, not really a question.

"Yeah, I worry about him. I know you aren't supposed to have favorites but," Iruka smiles sadly to himself. "I'll miss him when he goes to middle school next year. He really has become like a little brother to me."

Iruka looks to some of the other class photos on his fridge. It is clear the years of growth that happened between both he and Naruto. Naruto is twelve now and growing, and Iruka was a skinny thing in the first photo, short hair and scar free.

"You look cute with short hair," Kakashi says. He kisses him on his temple. "I like the long hair better though."

If he notices the lack of a scar in the earlier pictures, which Iruka is sure he does, he is nice enough not to ask him about it.

"You don't think I should cut it?" Iruka asks jokingly.

Kakashi buries his face into his long locks. "Don't even think about it."

Iruka laughs, taking the photo from Kakashi's hand just to look at himself. Sometimes he forgets where he came from and where he is now.

"I couldn't imagine dealing with kids like that," Kakashi has his arms wrapped around his waist now and sways with him slightly. Iruka puts the photo back on the fridge. "Teenagers are bad enough."

"What do you mean?" Iruka asks, and turns in his grip to face him.

"I'm a highschool teacher."

"What?!" Iruka practically yells, pushing himself back from Kakashi. "You're a teacher?!"

"Yeah," Kakashi says, and Iruka can't believe how calm he is like he didn't just drop a bombshell out of nowhere on Iruka.

"Why didn't you mention that earlier?" Kakashi knew Iruka was a teacher, wouldn't he think to say _hey me too_ or something? Is it weird that he didn't? Iruka thinks it is. _Why wouldn't he want to share that?_

Kakashi just shrugs. "I don't know. Didn't think about it I guess."

 _Didn't think about it?_ Iruka can't help but be a little offended. Just when Iruka was starting to feel better about this arrangement they have, Kakashi reminds him that he still doesn't know a lot about the man, and that Kakashi still keeps a lot of things to himself.

"Oh," is all Iruka can say. He feels dumb for over sharing now, for telling Kakashi about his parents and his childhood spent in foster care.

"Teenagers are a pain but I think children must be worse." Kakashi continues the conversation, not noticing Iruka's inner struggle.

"What district are you in?" Iruka asks, trying to act normal.

"Konoha District," he answers.

Iruka can't help but smack him again, hitting his chest. "No way! Me too!'

Kakashi doesn't even flinch. Just smiles at him as he gets swatted at with excited slaps.

"Maybe you'll get Naruto then when he gets to high school!" His mood turns around completely at the thought. What are the chances they work at the same district? "What do you teach?"

"AP lit," Kakashi answers.

"Oh," Iruka's face falls. "You probably won't get Naruto then."

Kakashi smiles at that. "Aw. Not a strong reader?"

"I can't even get him to pick up a book," Iruka rolls his eyes. Then his face lights up as he realizes something. "Wait, wait, hold on. You teach AP lit? As in Literature?"

Kakashi nods. Iruka doubles over with a burst of laughter, gripping Kakashi's arm as he does. "What?" 

"I'm sorry it's just," Iruka tries to catch his breath. "All that awful corny shit you wrote me. I can't believe you teach _literature_ of all things."

"Corny?" Kakashi says, he puts a hand to his chest pretending to be offended. "That was poetry."

" _Let me see how pretty your dick is,"_ Iruka mimics. "That's poetry?"

Kakashi pulls him back into an embrace, and Iruka squirms in the tight grip. "You don't like my _beautiful prose_ about your dick?"

"No!" Iruka shouts as Kakashi burrows his face into Iruka's neck and kisses him.

"It is pretty though," he murmurs. "Plus, it got your attention."

Iruka rolls his eyes. "Your body got my attention."

"Just my body?" Kakashi asks with a very deliberate bite to his neck. Iruka's eyes flutter closed and his toes curl against the linoleum tiles beneath his feet.

"Ok, maybe some other things too," he says, breathless.

"Like what?" Kakashi urges him to continue, still pressing kisses onto his throat.

Iruka struggles to hold back a smile. "Your dick."

"Ah, the truth comes out," Kakashi says, and Iruka can hear the amusement in his voice.

There is so much more though. Iruka pulls away a bit and meets Kakashi's eyes. He flicks his gaze between them, and stares at his eye with the scar and it's slight discoloration. Iruka bites his lip to not say anything else, fearful of revealing too much.

Kakashi saves him the trouble by kissing him. It's slow at first. In the back of Iruka's mind he is worried about his morning breath, but Kakashi doesn't seem to care, and pushes forward to deepen the kiss anyway.

Iruka's hands grip his face and he tugs him even closer, making the kiss dirtier as he drops his mouth open to slide his tongue against Kakashi's. His body is flush against Kakashi's now, and he grinds his hips to meet the other man's - feels his cock twitch in his boxers.

"Do you want to go back to bed?" Iruka whispers over his lips. They are both panting heavily into each other's mouths by now, and Iruka feels so hot all the sudden, absolutely aching for more. "Promise I won't fall asleep this time."

Kakashi hums, and lifts his head to kiss him on the forehead. "Actually I have to get going."

"Oh," Iruka says. It’s like a bucket of cold water has been dumped on him. "Ok."

"Sorry," Kakashi says, as he pulls away completely. "Rain check, ok?"

"Ok," Iruka says again, but can’t help but feel dumb for even asking now. Of course he has plans. Of course he won't tell Iruka what they are. Of course Iruka is once again left in the dark pining after a man who very obviously is keeping him at arms length.

Kakashi grabs the rest of his things, and changes back into his pants before Iruka walks him to his door. 

"I'll text you," he says, and Iruka just nods as he closes the door behind him.

* * *

Kakashi texts Iruka Wednesday afternoon.

**_Don't go to the gym tonight._ **

Iruka is confused by the seemingly random statement, or demand rather.

**_Why?_ **

**_Go home after work. I'll meet you._ **

Iruka wants to push back - wants to ask him why he's suddenly got the nerve to boss him around - but his curiosity gets the better of him, and he wants to see what Kakashi's plan is, so he agrees.

**_Ok_ **

Iruka does as he's told - heads home directly from work skipping his usual gym routine. He's a little antsy, and he can't tell if it's because of pent up energy from not working out or if it's because he's just so anxious to meet Kakashi.

He still can't figure out how Kakashi can keep him on edge like this after almost three months sleeping with the man. Kakashi still surprises him, and he still doesn't know a lot about him. It's interesting to know that he is a teacher as well, considering the late nights they spend together even on weekdays. Kakashi must have a better grip on his sleep schedule than Iruka does.

It's a Wednesday night now, but they're meeting a lot earlier than usual. Iruka wonders what he has up his sleeve.

Iruka is home for about an hour before Kakashi actually shows up.

"Ready?" Kakashi asks, standing in his doorway and not bothering to come inside.

"Are we going somewhere?" Iruka asks, confused. He wasn't expecting that. He quickly scrambles to pull on his shoes. "Should I get changed?"

He changed out of his work clothes when he got home in favor of something more comfortable, not planning on actually leaving the house with Kakashi. All he has on are black joggers and a green zip up hoodie.

"You're fine," Kakashi answers and motions for Iruka to follow him.

Kakashi doesn't elaborate on where they are going, but Iruka follows him to his car anyway.

The drive lasts about 20 minutes before they pull into the parking lot of a large grey building. It looks rather plain on the outside, and Iruka sees no signs indicating what it is.

Kakashi still doesn't say anything as they exit the car and head to the building. Iruka's nerves are increasingly on edge as he follows him. When they get to the door Kakashi types a code into a keypad to open it.

The building is just as bland on the inside. The lights are dim and the floors are a soft mint green. Kakashi takes him down a desolate hallway, and then up a flight of stairs.

"They'll be finishing up a class now I think," Kakashi says. Iruka watches his back as they mount the staircase.

"A class?" He mumbles, still confused. Faintly, he can hear voices, and they start getting louder the further up the steps they go.

At the top there is a wide open room, white walls and soft padded floors of multi colored mats of red, black, and dark blue. There are about 15 children kneeling on the floor, all wearing white cotton uniforms.

 _Oh._ It's a dojo. Iruka can't believe Kakashi really kept his word and took him to his dojo. 

A man stands at the head of them, he is also wearing a white uniform, and he has the most ridiculous bowl cut Iruka has ever seen. He looks up when he notices them enter.

"Kakashi!" The man yells, his voice loud and bombing, bouncing off the plain walls. "You've come to join us! What a grand surprise!"

There is a chorus of " _Oss_ Kakashi-sensei" from the children as they greet him. They all bow from their seiza positions.

" _Oss,"_ Kakashi returns and bows as well. It takes Iruka a moment before he follows with his own bow, not wanting to seem rude. "We won't interrupt your class Gai-sensei. I just wanted to show my friend here the dojo."

Iruka waves awkwardly behind Kakashi. _Friend._

"Ah, Kakashi! You could never be a burden in my class! What do you say we give the students a demonstration!" The man, Gai, shouts and then addresses his students. "Did you know Kakashi-sensei is my greatest rival! A battle between the two of us is sure to inspire the youthful fire that rests dormant in your bellies! Eh, Kakashi what do you say?!"

The students groan and Kakashi's shoulders shake as he holds back a laugh. "How about another time, Gai-sensei. I don't want to keep your students longer than necessary."

Iruka can see the tension leave all the children simultaneously. He gets the impression this isn't the first time this has happened. 

"A wise choice!" Gai agrees. His energy is unmatched to anyone else Iruka has ever met. His smile is unwavering, big and wide with perfectly straight pearly white teeth. His joyful attitude is almost a contrast to his body, which even under the cotton uniform Iruka can see is packed with muscle. He would look intimidating if it wasn't for the hair. "A demonstration of that caliber should be dedicated to a full class! We shall make arrangements soon enough!"

Kakashi gives him a nod of acknowledgment, and before stepping further into the dojo he removes his shoes while advising Iruka to do the same. They are placed on a shelf along the rows of other tiny little shoes belonging to the children, and then Kakashi motions for Iruka to follow him across the floor.

As they walk by Iruka watches the children as they bow to Gai, and pay their last respects before finishing up the class.

Kakashi leads Iruka to a doorway, and when they enter it Iruka suddenly finds himself in a locker room.

"So this is your dojo?" Iruka says into the quiet space. 

"Mhm," Kakashi hums as he heads to a locker and opens it. 

"Do you teach here too?" He asks, noting how the kids had referred to him as sensei.

"No, not really," Kakashi answers. He pulls out a bundle of white clothing from his locker, and hands it to Iruka. "I sometimes help Gai with demonstrations, but that's it. Gai runs the place. He is nice enough to let me use it."

Iruka stares blankly at the articles of clothing in his hands. "He seems...interesting."

"My greatest rival," Kakashi repeats the other man's earlier words. There is a fondness in his voice that Iruka has never heard before. He tries to ignore the feeling of jealousy that flares up in his stomach.

Kakashi pulls out another set of clothes, this time black. He places them on the bench behind him, and then begins to undress.

"Uh," Iruka stammers. He watches Kakashi remove his shirt and can't help but flush when he goes to remove his pants.

"You can't be in the dojo without proper attire," Kakashi tells him with a smirk. "That gi is an old one of mine, but it should fit you fine."

Iruka looks back down at the clothes, the _gi_. "Oh, ok."

Placing the clothes down on the bench, Iruka begins to undress as well. He feels silly, but he doesn't know why. He's been naked in front of Kakashi a million times.

When he places the gi on, it is a little baggy, but overall fits ok. He pulls the white belt around his waist to tighten it some more.

"How do I look?" He asks Kakashi, mostly checking to see if he's even put the thing on correctly.

When he looks up, Kakashi is fully dressed in his own black gi, and Iruka's breath is actually taken away. He looks... _cool._ The all black ensemble is flattering against his pale skin and hair, and the fit of it is elegant, powerful.

"Perfect," Kakashi answers, and he steps close to Iruka so he can tug at the front of his gi to straighten it. 

Iruka leans into the touch, licking his lips. He doesn't know if it's against the rules to kiss in a dojo with a bunch of kids sitting in the next room, but he wants to push his luck.

Kakashi meets him halfway, and their lips meet in a chaste kiss. Iruka tries to deepen it - opens his mouth to lick across Kakashi's full bottom lip - when they're interrupted by the loud booming voice of Gai.

"The dojo is all yours, my friend!" He enters the locker room. 

Iruka pulls away quickly. Kakashi simply drops his arms to his sides. He has his usual relaxed composure, unlike Iruka who feels absolutely mortified at being caught. Iruka's face burns, and he covers his mouth with a hand, as if that will hide anything.

"Thank you, Gai," Kakashi says simply. "Did you have a good class?"

"Wonderful!" Gai flashes him a thumbs up as he walks past them to another locker. He begins to remove his gi, not caring of the other two men in the room. If he was bothered by their display of affection, he doesn't show it.

Iruka everts his eyes quickly, trying not to ogle the man as he gets undressed. He certainly has a nice body, and Iruka can tell he probably has spent years disciplining it under the practice of jujutsu. It's a shame about the haircut.

Kakashi taps his arm, pulling his attention away and guiding him to leave the locker room. After he is dressed, Gai slips out behind them. He slaps Kakashi on the back in a manner that Iruka can only describe as overly aggressive.

"Enjoy it!" Gai shouts, and before leaving the dojo he bows. " _Arigato._ " 

Kakashi returns it. "We'll lock up tonight, Gai-sensei. _Arigato._ "

"Was he-" Iruka speaks slowly after the man has gone down the steps. "Was he wearing a jumpsuit?"

"Don't question it," Kakashi says with a shake of his head. "It's...complicated."

The fondness is back in Kakashi's voice, and Iruka just nods in wonder. He does not want to unpack that information. 

He focuses on the man in front of him, feeling slightly uneasy standing in the large room. The padded floor beneath his bare feet feels a bit cold.

"So…" he trails off, unsure where this is heading.

"Let's start with some stretching, ok?" Kakashi states, and then kneels. Iruka follows, and they get into a position he recognizes as the child's pose.

They stretch for a few moments, just basic stuff even Iruka has done himself. He feels more comfortable as his body warms, as it remembers the familiar movements and naturally loosens.

When they are properly stretched out, they stand again and face each other. Iruka looks around the mostly empty room.

"Now what?" He asks with a light laugh. "I'm used to more equipment."

Kakashi smirks at him. "What do you know about jujutsu?"

"Um. Nothing." Iruka shrugs.

" _The Art of Softness,_ " Kakashi says, and raises his arms up in a defensive stance, palms open and fingers up. "We don't need equipment, just our bodies."

Iruka mirrors his stance, looks him up and down. "Just our bodies, huh?"

"Yes," Kakashi matches his playful tone, not missing it. He flexes his fingers, motioning him to come forward. "Show me what you got."

Now Iruka sends him his own devilish smile. Kakashi may be bigger than him and weigh more than him, but Iruka has more muscle definition, and he didn't get it by sitting around on his ass. Iruka knows he is strong, and he is excited by the opportunity to show it off.

He lunges forward, arm extended out to go for Kakashi's head - but before he even realizes what is happening Kakashi is ducking under it, using his hands to push against Iruka's arm, and knocking it to the side. Kakashi dips further, coming up under Iruka's armpit, turns his body quickly and grips the back of Iruka's neck. Then, pushes his weight down - and in a matter of two seconds Iruka went from standing on his feet to his face being pressed into the mat, one hand at his neck and a knee in his back.

"Shit," he coughs. "That is _not_ soft."

Kakashi relaxes his hold, stands up and helps Iruka back up as well.

"I used your weight against you. All the power you feel is coming from yourself, not me." He gets back in the starting stance. "Want to try again?"

Iruka takes a deep breath. _Ok, he's got this._ Now that he knows Kakashi is using his momentum against him he can adjust. If he can just get a good grip on Kakashi he knows he can take him down. These arms can't do a 225 lb strict press for nothing. 

This time, Iruka goes for Kakashi's waist, tries to wrap his arms around him to tackle him down. Kakashi intercepts him, grabs one arm and pulls it forward, forcing Iruka's body to turn sideways. Then, extending over his body, Kakashi's other arm comes across his chest, and his elbow presses down into his sternum. The force knocks Iruka down and he falls to his back. Kakashi stands above him.

Iruka drops his head to the mat. _How is he so fast?_

"How you feeling?" Kakashi asks, smug, hands on his hips.

Iruka groans as he gets back to his feet. "Just peachy."

Kakashi braces again and Iruka takes a moment before he continues. If he can just anticipate his defense then…

Iruka leaps towards him, has a hand up towards Kakashi's head and the other going for his waist. If he comes at him in two directions then Kakashi can't grab _both_ his arms. Kakashi turns completely, presenting his back to Iruka - but it's so fast Iruka can't react - his front collides with Kakashi's back, and Kakashi grabs the arm by his head and _pulls_. Iruka flies forward, flips right over Kakashi's shoulder and lands roughly on his back with a _thud._

"Ah!" He yelps in pain. The floor is padded but still, it _hurts._ Iruka can't believe the force of which he was just easily tossed to the ground, like he weighed nothing at all.

"You ok?" Kakashi asks.

" _Fine,"_ Iruka grits out, rolls over and puts a hand on his knee to hoist himself up. He can start to feel sweat drip down his back, but Kakashi looks like he hasn't done anything more than go for a leisurely stroll through the park on a sunny afternoon. It's actually frustrating.

This time Iruka doesn't bother waiting for Kakashi to get in the starting stance, and just lunges at him. Kakashi turns to the side easily, hooks Iruka's arm with his own and twists it back painfully in an unnatural position. Iruka grunts at the sting of it. Then Kakashi swings him forward, shifts around his body as he turns, grabs Iruka's arm with both his hands and uses Iruka's own body weight as leverage to pull himself up. Kakashi kicks both his legs upwards, gets one behind Iruka's back and the other around the front of his neck, locks them together in a scissor headlock as gravity brings them both down. Iruka collapses with Kakashi's knees around his throat, and with the grip he still has on Iruka's arm he pulls it back against his own chest, getting him in an armbar. Iruka arches with it, the stretch burning.

" _Ow ow ow,"_ he hisses, taps his free hand on the mat repeatedly as a signal of submission.

Kakashi rolls out of the position, releasing the lock his legs had around Iruka's neck but not letting go of his arm. He kneels over Iruka, intertwines his own arm with Iruka's to keep him in place, a threat that he could pull it back again at any moment and put him back in the submission hold. His other arm rests against Iruka's chest, lightly pinning him down.

"You cheated," Kakashi says, and his face is just barely 5 inches from Iruka.

Iruka is breathing heavily out his nose, can't even wrap his mind around what just happened to him. Kakashi was able to manipulate his body so easily it was insane. Kakashi just smiles down at him when Iruka doesn't respond. 

"Guess those glamour muscles you got can't help you much huh?" He teases. "You're still weak in a fight."

Kakashi's voice rings in his ears, his head buzzes with it as it echoes.

_You're still weak in a fight._

_You're still weak._

_You're weak._

Iruka's vision blurs.

_You're weak._

Suddenly, Iruka doesn't know where he is. Logically, he knows he is in Kakashi's dojo and it's Kakashi's weight pushing down on him, but his eyes go out of focus, his mind goes hazy and suddenly he _doesn't know._ All he can feel is the weight pushing down on top of him, pinning him, keeping him in place. He panics, eyes searching and seeing nothing.

He gasps, takes multiple huge intakes of breath and can't stop. Can't seem to get enough air at the same time. He blinks back tears, tries to focus his eyes. The body above him morphs, the face changing, and _it's him oh god it's him please no -_ why is he doing this what is happening why him why would he not again please _no -_ he thought he knew him he thought he loved him why is he - _you're weak you're weak you're weak you're mine you're mine you're mine._

Iruka pushes, shoves, scratches at the body on top of him. He knows he is yelling but he can't hear his own voice. Tears stream down his face as he tries to scramble away. His knees bruise against the floor and his nails scrape into the hardwood.

The hardwood…

The padding?

"Iruka," he hears his name and covers his ears. A cry tears it's way out his throat. _Iruka, Iruka, Iruka. Stop, stop, stop._

"Kakashi," a different voice, one he doesn't remember. "Iruka it's Kakashi. It's Wednesday March 25th in the year 2020."

_What?_

"It's Kakashi and you're in my dojo and you're safe." The voice continues. It sounds far away. Too far away. Like it isn't real. Iruka lets out another sob. "It is just me and you and no one else and you are safe."

Iruka takes a deep shuddering breath. The voice continues it's mantra of _it's Wednesday March 25th in the year 2020…_

He opens his eyes, stares at the bright lights hanging from the stark white ceiling.

"It's Kakashi."

_Kakashi._

Iruka swallows, turns his head to see Kakashi kneeling a few feet away from him. When did he get so far away? His vision blurs and he sees double. He closes his eyes again and fights back a sob, but he doesn't even know why, doesn't even know where it is coming from. He's so tired. His body hurts. His head pounds.

"Can you tell me where you are?"

 _Oh right._ Kakashi is here.

Iruka breathes deeply through his nose, tries to find his breath. Why is he so winded all the sudden?

All he remembers is...and then…

Iruka's eyes snap open. _Oh no._

He sits up, gets light headed with the suddenness of it, and grips his forehead. He can feel sweat against his palm.

It's been years since Iruka had a flashback that bad. He feels tears prick at his eyes again and forces them away. Not in front of Kakashi.

Except it's too late. Mortified, he covers his face with both hands, and this time can't stop the sob from escaping his throat.

He was doing so well. He thought he was over this. He still is so weak. Nothing has changed. It's been four years and nothing has changed.

"Hey," a soft whisper. The way it is said so carefully _hurts_ even worse. "Can you tell me where you are?"

Iruka collects himself, pulls his legs up under him and wipes at his face. When he opens his eyes again he can see clearer. The white walls, the padded floors of red and black, the shelf with two pairs of shoes. He looks down at himself in the white cotton gi.

"I'm in your dojo," Iruka answers, his voice is quiet, throat sore.

"Iruka-" Kakashi starts.

"Please," Iruka shakes his head. "Please don't-"

He doesn't know what he is asking, what he's begging for, he just wants it to end. Iruka can't even look at the other man, too ashamed.

They sit in silence for a while. Iruka has completely lost track of time, is unsure if five minutes pass or five hours. Eventually, his heart stops pounding and his breathing evens out. He feels better, takes a deep breath, holds it for two counts and then breathes out for four.

"I'm sorry," Iruka mumbles when he finds his voice again.

"No," Kakashi answers quickly, and Iruka actually jumps at his voice. When Kakashi speaks again it's quieter. "I'm sorry."

Iruka sniffs. Shakes his head. Why would Kakashi apologize? Iruka is the one freaking out and attacking him for no reason. _God, he feels so pathetic._

"I should have known better," Kakashi keeps his voice low as he continues, like he is afraid of startling Iruka. "I'm so sorry."

Iruka feels his eyes welling up with tears again. He can do nothing but shake his head. He wishes Kakashi would stop saying sorry.

"It's my fault," Kakashi says, and inches a little closer to Iruka, testing to see how Iruka will react. "I shouldn't have said what I did. Please forgive me."

That does it, Iruka can't hold back and the tears break free once more. Iruka pulls his knees up to his chest and buries his face in them. Everything hurts.

" _Shit,"_ he hears Kakashi curse, and it makes him cry harder. _Great._ He lashed out at Kakashi when he did nothing wrong and now he's making him more upset by being a blubbering crying mess. 

Kakashi is silent again, and just counties to listen to Iruka cry for another minute before making another attempt at speaking.

"Can I hug you?" Kakashi blurts out in a rushed breath, taking Iruka by surprise. " _Please,_ Iruka, is it ok if I hug you?"

Iruka doesn't even know how to process that, and keeps sobbing into his knees. _Why is he asking…?_

"You can say no," Kakashi adds quickly. "I just…I don't know. I want to hold you. If you'll let me."

Iruka sniffs and picks up his head, finally looking over at Kakashi. The man is on his knees, his hands pressed into his lap, balled into tight fists. His eyes stare into Iruka's and they look desperate, pleading.

Iruka nods, and Kakashi quickly crawls forward, wrapping his arms around Iruka and cradling his head. He buries his face in his hair, and Iruka can feel his breath against the strands.

On reflex he grips Kakashi back, grabs handfuls of his gi and burrows his face against his chest. It's like a switch goes off, and whatever little control Iruka had disappears again and he _sobs._

Kakashi strokes his hair, swaying their bodies slightly as they sit. Iruka feels so guilty, but can't stop the tears no matter how hard he tries, the more he fights them the more his sobs creep up in his throat and make him choke and gag against them. Kakashi just holds him tighter, lets him cry and doesn't say anything else.

After a few long moments, Iruka is able to calm his breathing again. He pulls away and cringes at the wet spots left on Kakashi's gi.

"I'm sorry," Iruka mumbles again with a sniff. "I don't know what happened I just-"

"It's ok," Kakashi stops him. "You don't have to apologize. I'm sorry. It was my fault."

"No, it wasn't," Iruka says sternly, and grips his gi tighter. "It wasn't you."

"I'm still sorry," Kakashi says again. "I should have known."

"You couldn't have," Iruka tells him. There was no way for Kakashi to know. No way he could have prevented the moment from triggering him. Iruka never told him anything. He couldn't have known.

"I should have," Kakashi lowers his head, forcing Iruka to meet his eyes. 

Iruka stares back at him - sees the scar that marks Kakashi's skin similar to his own. 

"It was my ex," Iruka says. He doesn't know _why_ he says it, but he does. Iruka would never ask Kakashi to explain his own scar, and he knows Kakashi won't ask him about his either, but for some reason he still wants to tell him - feels like he owes him. "He-"

He can't finish the sentence. Kakashi doesn't push him. He's never talked about it with anyone before. Never shared the details of what happened. He never had to, when people could see it all over his face, in more ways than one.

After it happened, Iruka became obsessed with becoming strong but…in the end it didn't mean anything, did it?

He lets out a hysterical laugh, hiccups with it as it threatens to turn into a sob. "God, I'm so dumb."

Kakashi stands abruptly, pulling Iruka up as he does. "Enough of that, c'mon."

Iruka has no choice but to follow, sniffling behind him as he leads him back to the locker room.

"Let's get changed," Kakashi says, and he holds onto Iruka's hand as he guides him into taking off the gi.

Iruka feels numb - feels empty and broken. He is on autopilot as he gets undressed, folds the gi and gives it back to Kakashi. Kakashi watches as Iruka struggles to zip up his hoodie with unsteady hands. He steps in to do it for him. Iruka swallows the lump in his throat.

"I'm gonna take you home, ok?" Kakashi says quietly, and Iruka nods, because it’s all he can do. He can’t think of anything else to say.

Kakashi drives him home, and they walk in an awkward silence to his door. When Iruka enters his apartment, he turns to Kakashi who just leans against the door frame, not following him inside.

"Get some sleep, ok?" Kakashi says with his hands shoved in his jean pockets.

Iruka nods. He wants to ask Kakashi to come in, to crawl into bed with him and hold him again - but Iruka can't guarantee that he won't be able to hold back his tears, and he doesn't want to freak the other man out more than he already has. The last thing Kakashi probably wants is someone like Iruka being clingy.

"Thanks," is all Iruka can manage. 

Kakashi stares at him for another moment before standing up straight and averting his eyes. He clears his throat. "Ok, well. See you."

"Bye." Iruka closes the door as Kakashi turns to walk away. He leans against it, feels the tears coming back. He presses a hand to his eyes, frustrated. His legs give out under him and he slides down to the floor, gives in to the pressure, and cries.

* * *

The next couple of days are hard. Everything goes by like a blur. Iruka has trouble keeping track of time, keeps forgetting things and lets his mind wonder against his will. Can't get a good nights sleep because of the nightmares - keeps seeing _him_ everytime he closes his eyes. He struggles to get through his lesson plans, ends up switching them around so he can just throw on a movie for his students and call it a day. 

He hates feeling like this, hates how he feels like he has zero control over his own mind and body. He feels miserable, defeated. The haze that clouds over him won't leave, and he goes from feeling nothing to feeling _too much_ in the blink of an eye.

When Friday comes Iruka doesn't want to head home. The idea of being alone locked in his apartment all weekend with nothing but his thoughts scares him - so he goes to the gym. He does the only thing he knows how to do - works himself until it's painful. Punishes himself. 

Iruka gets on the treadmill and runs, runs, runs. Runs until his legs feel like they might fall off, runs until his chest burns with every breath, runs until his heart beats so fast he thinks it might pop. His feet ache and shocks jolt through his body with every step. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, but it is _good._ It's better than letting himself think, it's better than the agony he feels inside his heart, better than the shame and embarrassment.

Iruka is so ashamed of how he acted. He doesn't even remember what happened exactly and that makes it so much worse. So easily Iruka forgot where he was and who Kakashi was. Even after all this time, Iruka still doesn't have any control. Years ago it was ripped from him, stolen from him, and Iruka still can't get it back. No matter how hard he tries, it seems like he will never get it back.

Iruka doesn't even realize when his breathing becomes erratic, when his feet start to struggle to keep up with the pace and they hit the belt of the treadmill too hard, stomping with too much effort to not fall behind. He wipes at the sweat dripping from his brow, gasps as it gets in his eyes and he can't see, doesn't even register when the tears start to mix with it.

"Hey man-"

Iruka's head jerks as someone addresses him. He turns too quickly, loses his balance and trips on his feet. He collapses on the belt - flies backwards and hits the wall.

"Shit!" The person yells and runs over to him. Iruka struggles to get up, his knees are shaky, and he isn't sure if it's from all the running he did or from the fall. 

"Are you ok?" They ask, and reach a hand out to help him up.

Iruka slaps it away. He doesn't want anyone to touch him right now. 

"Sorry," they mumble. Iruka finally glances at them, sees the red uniform polo they have on and realizes he is an employee at the gym. "Your breathing didn't sound good. I didn't mean to scare you. You should take a rest."

They hover over Iruka while he catches his breath. Iruka keeps his eyes down, afraid to look around and see if anyone else is staring. He bites his lip to not start crying again. _What the fuck is wrong with him? Why can't he get a fucking grip?_

Iruka pulls up the bottom of his shirt to wipe at his face, hopes the amount he's sweating hides his tears. As if things couldn't be any worse, now he humiliates himself even more, and in public too. He feels like a fucking joke, like the world is playing tricks on him.

"I'm ok, thank you," Iruka manages to choke out. He rejects their final offer of assistance and walks himself out, limps to his car without bothering to stop and get changed.

Iruka somehow manages to drive himself home, doesn't even remember any of the ride but suddenly he is already in his apartment. He collapses on his couch, stares blankly at his phone. Zero notifications.

Kakashi hasn't been in contact with him at all since that day, and Iruka is distraught at the realization that the other man is probably finished with him. Iruka wanted to text him multiple times but always held back. He wants Kakashi to come to _him -_ wants Kakashi to _want_ to see him. If Iruka reaches out to him first then Kakashi might feel obligated out of pity to see him, and Iruka would never want to put him in that position. He might as well kiss their relationship - if you could even call it that - goodbye.

Kakashi probably thinks he is insane now, probably wants nothing to do with him. Iruka can't even blame him, who would want to be with Iruka after _that?_ Who would want to be with someone that could freak out on them at any given moment? Who would want to be with someone as fucked up as Iruka?

Certainly not someone like Kakashi. Kakashi who is good looking and charming, calm and cool, who has hidden talents like cooking and jujutsu, who is funny and who teaches kids like Iruka and....Iruka _likes_ him. He _really really_ likes him. Actually likes him, likes _him_ and not just sleeping with him - but it doesn’t matter now. Iruka completely ruined everything.

Iruka isn't even worth a fuck anymore. He knows it's bad but, Iruka so desperately wants to hear from Kakashi that he doesn't even care if it's just to fuck. Iruka would fucking beg for it now if he could. Would let Kakashi use him however he pleased. 

Iruka knows it's a bad idea - a real bad idea - but he doesn't even fucking care at this point. He knows it isn't wise to seek out Kakashi when he likes him so much, and when he knows Kakashi must be sick of him. He knows he is setting himself up for failure and rejection. He knows in the end it will hurt him even more, but he can't stop himself. He types out a message.

**_Hey, are you around?_ **

Iruka's leg bounces uneasily after he hits send. He has never texted Kakashi first before. His heart hammers in his chest. Iruka feels pitiful for doing it but he wants Kakashi so badly, doesn't care if he comes off as desperate or needy because he _is._

A minute passes and nothing. Iruka's nerves get the better of him, he can't handle the anticipation. He knows logically it isn't enough time for a response but he can't help himself, he hits the call button.

"Yo," Kakashi answers on the third ring. Iruka breathes a sigh of relief just at the sound of his voice.

"H-hey," Iruka stammers. His throat is dry and his voice cracks. "Sorry to call you like this I-"

"It's fine," Kakashi cuts him off. Iruka hears the rustling of papers in the background.

Iruka isn't sure how to ask this, didn't plan this far ahead. He chews at his lip. "Are you busy?"

"Hm, no, not particularly," Kakashi hums. Iruka hears a door shut, wonders if Kakashi is somewhere with other people. "What's up?"

"Can you come over?" Iruka asks in a rush, fearing if he stalls any longer we won't ever get the balls to ask. Instantly he regrets it. He feels so dumb for doing this, for asking Kakashi to do this. Iruka starts to back-peddle. "Sorry, just-"

"Stop saying sorry," Kakashi cuts him off again. "I can be there in a half hour."

Iruka flushes at the criticism, can’t help but feel embarrassed, but the excitement of Kakashi saying yes overrules it. When they end the call Iruka can't sit still. He gets up and paces around his living room. He doesn't know why he suddenly feels so nervous. He knows Kakashi - has been with Kakashi a million times. Why is his heart beating so fast?

Kakashi gets there in 35 minutes, which must be a record, but Iruka is too distracted by his own emotions to even notice.

"Hey," Kakashi says as Iruka jerks open the door.

Iruka doesn't even say anything back, just grabs him by his jacket and pulls him inside.

"Oof-" Kakashi's back hits the closed door with a _thud_ and Iruka can't restrain himself any longer. He is on Kakashi in a flash, grips his face and kisses him like it will give him the air he needs to breathe.

" _I_ _ruka-"_ Kakashi gasps against his lips, but Iruka doesn't pull away enough to allow him to speak. He keeps kissing him, shoves his tongue down his throat - is sloppy and uncoordinated with it but he _doesn't care._

Iruka just wants to feel Kakashi - just wants to feel anything, anything at all.

He drops to his knees, goes right for Kakashi's pants and unbuttons them with shaky hands. Iruka needs it, needs Kakashi, needs everything he can give him, is overwhelmed by the heat inside his gut and how much he _burns_ for it. Kakashi's hands are at his sides, pressed against the door. He hasn't touched Iruka yet.

Iruka pulls his cock out of his boxers. Kakashi is soft, but that doesn't stop Iruka. Iruka holds him, takes him into his mouth, licks and sucks until he feels him harden.

" _I_ _ruka, ah-"_ Kakashi pants above him. Iruka continues to work his cock, struggles as it grows against his tongue. He gets him wet with spit, strokes what he can't fit in his mouth with a tight fist.

Iruka groans around him as Kakashi gets to full hardness, making his jaw ache. Kakashi is too big for him, but he pushes forward anyway, shoves as much as he can down his throat, gags with it until tears are pricking at his eyes. 

" _Iruka,_ " Kakashi gasps again, and finally touches him, grips Iruka's shoulders and his fingers dig into the material of his shirt. It makes Iruka groan again, and he tugs on Kakashi's hips, tries to take more of him. 

It's too much. Iruka gags again, chokes and coughs around Kakashi, he blinks away tears as they fall down his cheeks - but he keeps going.

" _Stop_ , Iruka-"

Iruka doesn't. Kakashi couldn't have said that, Iruka couldn't have heard him right. Iruka grasps his hips tighter and forces himself to choke back more tears around Kakashi's dick.

Suddenly, Iruka is being pulled off of him. He gasps for breath as his mouth comes free from Kakashi. There is an obscene amount of spit and it drips down Iruka's chin.

Kakashi pulls him up so he's standing, just holds him at arm length and does nothing.

Iruka stares at him with wide confused eyes. "Wha-"

"You're hurting yourself," Kakashi says.

"No," Iruka sputters and shakes his head like he's trying to convince himself. "I'm fine-"

"I don't care," Kakashi stops him, and the sharpness in his voice startless Iruka. He doesn't think he's ever heard Kakashi speak like this before. "You're hurting yourself and I don't care if you're fine, because _I'm_ not fine."

Iruka blinks at him, blindsided. "Kakashi…"

"I'm sorry, I just-" Kakashi's voice drops and his hands move to cup Iruka's cheeks. He pushes back some of Iruka's hair, wipes the tears and snot and spit off his face. Iruka averts his eyes knowing he must look disgusting. "I don't want you to think this is something I like or want. I don't like seeing you hurt yourself."

Iruka was so overcome by his own self pity and despair that he didn't even think about what he was doing. He just wanted to _feel,_ didn't care if it hurt because he deserves the pain anyway.

"I'm sorry," Iruka chokes out, not even knowing what he's saying. He feels so guilty. He feels sick with it. "I don't know- I don't know why I- I can't-"

Kakashi saves him from his own stuttering by pulling him against his chest, wrapping his arms around him in a tight embrace.

Iruka feels awful. Worthless. Everything he has done has been wrong. Why did he make Kakashi come here just to force himself on him and make a fool of himself? How can Kakashi just stand here and hold him like this when he must think so lowly of him.

Iruka can't help it when he cries some more. He buries his face into Kakashi's shoulder and lets the tears fall. He’s so useless. All he can do is fucking cry. He hates himself for it.

"I'm sorry I keep crying on you," Iruka says into his shirt, because he doesn't know what else to say.

Kakashi actually laughs at that, and the sound makes Iruka's heart flutter - lifts some tension from his body. "It's ok. Stop saying sorry."

"I'm-"

"Iruka I swear if you say sorry for saying sorry…" Kakashi murmurs into his hair.

Iruka laughs then, has to physically bite his lip to not say sorry again. Instead he pulls away and wipes at his face, looks at Kakashi with shimmering eyes. 

"I shouldn't have asked you to come here," he says. "I shouldn't put this on you."

Kakashi drops his hands down his arms, finds Iruka's own hands and laces their fingers, squeezes. He tugs Iruka down the hall. "How about we get you cleaned up, ok?"

Iruka follows him into the bathroom. The other man guides him to sit on the toilet and Iruka practically collapses on it - his exhaustion hitting him all at once. His legs ache and his head throbs. Iruka avoids looking as Kakashi tucks himself back into his pants.

Then, Kakashi grabs a cloth and wets it at the sink, before settling between Iruka's knees and kneeling in front of him. He takes the cloth and glides it across Iruka's face, wiping away the tears, sweat, and dried spit.

Iruka just sits in silence and lets him. He stares blankly ahead, too nervous to meet Kakashi's eyes again. Kakashi is being so gentle with him. Iruka doesn't deserve it.

"I'm glad you did," Kakashi says suddenly into the silence.

"What?" Iruka asks, and when he tries to look at him in the eyes again it's Kakashi who avoids them.

He clears his throat. "Ask me to come over."

"Oh," Iruka says, surprised. 

Kakashi drops the cloth from his face, folds it twice, unfolds it, folds it again. Iruka thinks he almost seems nervous, but that can’t be right.

"The way you looked at me," Kakashi says after a moment. Iruka furrows his brow, trying to decipher what he is saying. 

Kakashi looks at him then, his eyes wide and searching but Iruka doesn't know what he's looking for. He breaks the contact quickly, looks to the wall past Iruka, stares just as intensely like he's remembering something, like it's far away but happening right in front of him at the same time...

"The look in your eyes," Kakashi says, quiet and distant. "It was like…"

He trails off. Iruka doesn't know what he was going to say, and he won’t ask - won’t push him.

"I wasn't seeing you," Iruka tells him. 

His voice breaks Kakashi out of whatever thought was paralyzing him, and he turns his eyes back to him. He nods in a short jerky movement.

"We were together for ten years," Iruka hears himself say. He shouldn't put any more of this onto Kakashi, he really really shouldn't but he feels like he needs to tell him now, needs Kakashi to know that it wasn't his fault. "They always tell you to pay attention to the signs but…"

Kakashi puts a hand on his knee, the cloth forgotten somewhere on the ground.

"I think, maybe I saw them," Iruka continues. He doesn't look at Kakashi. "But he was my first. My first _everything._ Boyfriend, love, family. I was totally and completely blind."

Kakashi's thumb rubs a slow circle where it rests on the top of his knee. Iruka takes a deep breath.

"Looking back, I don't even know if he ever loved me or was just comfortable with me, cause I was always there and was safe," he laughs sadly at himself, feeling foolish at the old tarnished memories they had. "When I found out he was cheating on me, he got so _mad._ Like it was my fault."

Kakashi doesn't say anything. Iruka appreciates his calm quiet presence at his feet. The hand touching him grounding him to the present.

"So many years with the same person. I guess it's only natural to be curious but," Iruka looks down at his hands, and folds them in his lap. "When I tried to leave he wouldn't let me. Said I couldn't. He was never possessive before. It was like he was a different person. H-he,"

Iruka stops. He presses his eyes shut, balls his hands into fists, bites his lip. It's still hard to say.

Kakashi takes his hands into his own, forcing them to relax. He presses the pads of his fingers against his palm, soothes over the crescent shaped dents that mark the skin where Iruka's nails dug in.

Iruka opens his eyes - looks at their hands entwined.

"He said he'd make sure I could never leave him," Iruka says when he finds the courage to speak again. "He was right. Every time I look in the mirror…I can't escape it."

Kakashi leans up, reaches a hand out to bring Iruka's head down towards his own, and presses their foreheads together.

"We both have scars of memories we can't forget," he says softly, and then he does what he's done many times before - but somehow it is different, so different now - and kisses Iruka on the bridge of his nose, right on the scar.

Iruka sniffs and pulls away, feeling overwhelmed again. Kakashi leans back on his heels, gives him space.

Iruka wipes away a few tears that managed to fall. Everyone always looks at Iruka with such pity when they see his face, when they put two and two together and realize what happened to him. Iruka has only ever felt fake shallow meaningless sympathy from everyone else in his life. His parents dying, his boyfriend abusing him. _Poor pitiful Iruka._ But Iruka doesn’t feel any pity coming from Kakashi right now. For once in his life he feels understood. The realization makes his chest _ache._

Iruka sniffs one last time. He's done crying. He refuses to cry over this anymore. He takes a huge shaky breath. 

"Ok. I'm exhausted," Iruka says with a laugh, and it's the truest thing he has ever said in his life. He is drained both emotionally and physically.

Kakashi chuckles with him. "Me too. We should both get to bed."

Iruka squeezes Kakashi's hand. He's already embarrassed himself enough, he may as well go all in. He swallows hard before asking, "Stay?"

Kakashi pauses, looks at him for a moment that feels far too long for Iruka. He nods. "Of course."

They both stand up, Kakashi keeps his hand tangled with his as they straighten and Iruka groans with the soreness in his legs. He definitely pushed himself too hard at the gym. 

"You ok?" Kakashi asks.

Iruka just nods, then groans again when he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. "God, I look like a mess."

Kakashi smiles at him in the mirror. "You look cute."

Iruka's ponytail was hanging on for dear life, barely holding anything as the rest of his hair sticks out all over the place in different directions. His shirt is still stained with sweat and his face puffy from crying.

He sticks his tongue out at Kakashi. "Liar. 'M gross."

Iruka reaches up to fight with his hair, tugging at the hair tie and making a face when it snags.

"You should use the ribbon ties I got you," Kakashi says as he watches.

Iruka rolls his eyes. "Too late now."

"Here," Kakashi bats Iruka's hands away and replaces them with his own. "Let me."

Iruka lets him. Watches through the mirror as the other man takes his time removing the hair tie, and then combs his fingers through the loose strands. His eyes slip shut at the soft relaxing caress - can't help when a content little " _hmmm"_ escapes his lips.

Kakashi keeps going even though the hair tie is gone and his hair is long since untangled. His fingers slowly ghost against his scalp with every gentle drag through his thick wavy locks, and the rhythmic soothing touch lulls Iruka's mind into a quiet peace he hasn't felt in days.

Iruka leans his back into Kakashi's front, feeling himself drift. Kakashi accepts his weight, and presses a kiss to his temple. "C'mon. Time for bed."

When they crawl into bed together Iruka’s tiredness overtakes him - has him fast asleep and dreaming in less than a minute - and for the first time in days there are no nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why did I set this like a few weeks in the future is that weird lol..maybe something cool will happen on march 25th now (or not cool if it goes by this fic lmao.) Anyway sorry this took me forever to write! Thank you for reading!
> 
> I don't know anything about jujutsu so I had to like actually do research lol...there are a million ways to spell it but i stuck with jujutsu because according to wikipedia that is the traditional way of spelling it. also "oss" is what you say when entering a dojo but that might only be for karate? I'm bad at research! Also, I had to watch a bunch of jujutsu videos on youtube in slow motion to describe the movements but it still was very difficult. I hope you guys still found it enjoyable regardless.
> 
> There will be one more chapter after this i hope! Thank you for reading again and thank you to those sharing your thoughts/comments. It means a lot!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note Iruka's unhealthy exercise addiction is addressed in this chapter. The topic and discussion may be difficult for anyone sensitive to body image issues or ED issues. Please consider this while reading.
> 
> I also want to point out, if you have been reading this story from the beginning, I did decided to change my tag in regards to this. I had originally stated that Iruka's obsession with working out was not body image related, because I didn't want people to misinterpret it as a weight related issue, but I have decided to remove that tag. Just because it isn't weight related doesn't mean it isn't a body image issue. I apologize for that error.
> 
> Thanks!

Iruka wakes up with his face plastered against something that _isn't_ his pillow. He tries to turn - can't - realizes his arm is stuck.

_Huh?_ He blinks his eyes open and is greeted by black. _Oh._ His heart skips a beat. _Kakashi._

Iruka's face is pressed against the man's back - buried in his black t-shirt. His arms are wrapped around him, one crushed under his body and the other around his waist. Their legs are tangled together under the sheets.

That's right. They came to bed together last night. Kakashi agreed to stay, agreed to spend the night and just be here for Iruka. After Iruka had humiliated himself and exposed so much of his insecurities…Kakashi still stayed.

At some point throughout the night Iruka must have latched onto him. He feels a little embarrassed looking at the drool stain on Kakashi's shirt.

His arm is tingling from holding Kakashi's weight and lack of blood flow, but he doesn't want to move. Kakashi's body is warm against his front, soft and comforting. Iruka presses into him involuntarily, grips him a little tighter around his waist and nuzzles his face back between his shoulder blades. He hums contentedly. It's nice waking up and having the other man wrapped in his arms. 

Kakashi stirs, and Iruka squeezes him again just to remind him of his presence. A silent thank you.

Kakashi pushes back against him, takes a hold of Iruka's hand that is resting by his stomach and holds it in his own. His backside presses into Iruka's pelvis, and the plump curve of it is a dangerous distraction. Iruka's sleep-softened body reacts quickly, and he can't help but meet him with a tiny thrust.

Kakashi turns in his grip then - twists his back so he can look Iruka in the eye. He blinks sleepily at him. "Hey."

"Hi," Iruka says back with a smile. After the rollercoaster of the past few days Iruka is finally feeling better, feeling _good_ actually. Talking to Kakashi really did help, and he feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of him. Kakashi's gentle tired smile greeting him makes his stomach flip, and he so desperately wants to kiss him. He raises himself up on one elbow, leans over the other man and does so, because Kakashi is _here_ and he _can._

Kakashi accepts it easily, kisses Iruka back soft and lazy. Iruka tries to convey his emotions into the kiss, the gratitude he feels for Kakashi listening to his struggles, the appreciation for him understanding and not pushing him, the happiness for staying with him all night. The excitement of him still being here in the morning.

The kiss turns deep, and Kakashi opens his mouth to allow Iruka to slide his tongue across his own. Iruka groans with it - can already feel himself getting hard. Kakashi's soft strong body is pliant beneath him, welcoming his touch. Iruka feels giddy.

Iruka pulls away to look at him. Kakashi looks good even in the morning just woken up. His hair is only slightly messier than usual, and his eyes are heavy lidded still with sleep, but he looks sexy like that - he looks charmingly at ease, lax and carefree. Iruka's heart swells at the idea of him looking so at home in his own bed, and he dares to push the situation a little more by rocking his hips against Kakashi's ass.

Kakashi lets out a little breath of a laugh, pulls Iruka back down by his neck to kiss him again.

Iruka smiles into it, keeps his momentum going and continues to grind his hips. Kakashi keeps one hand at his neck, forces Iruka to meet his mouth as their tongues eagerly glide together. 

Kakashi starts to meet his thrusts, and pushes his ass back against him. The kiss breaks naturally as they both begin to pant with arousal. It's so hot - he's tired and just waking up from sleep but already Irula feels on fire with how much he wants Kakashi. He wishes they took their clothes off before coming into bed, he wishes he could shift their positions just so and get his cock between his thick thighs, feel Kakashi's balls against his cock as he fucks the supple skin. The thought alone is almost too much, Iruka moans, grinds his hips in a circle to feel as much as he can while they are both still clothed.

"This ok?" Kakashi breathes against his lips. His fingers are digging into the nape of his neck, tugging at the hair there. 

Iruka nods quickly. _Yes._ This is more than ok. He is better than ok. He is amazing. He feels amazing. He wants this. It feels absolutely _right_ being with Kakashi like this.

"Ok," Kakashi laughs into his mouth. He tugs his hair again, rougher this time. Iruka groans. "I wanna try something different, that alright?"

Iruka nods. _Whatever you want_. He doesn't even care, he just wants Kakashi. Can't get enough of the man's body against his own. He feels like it has been forever even though that's not the case - but Iruka's screw up from last night doesn't count. So he wants to try again, finally feels clear headed enough to try again, is maddened with the man so willingly lying in his bed despite all the terrible things they just went through, wants more of him - all of him.

Kakashi breaks away to reach over to the nightstand. Iruka keeps a hand on his hip, lets it wander down his ass and over his thigh as he stretches to grab the lube out the drawer.

When Kakashi turns back, he lays flat on his back and then lifts his hips to shimmy out of his boxers. Iruka follows suit, and he turns away completely so he can remove his clothing and tosses them off the side of the bed. When he faces Kakashi again, the man has one leg hiked up, his arm hooked underneath, and two slicked up fingers in his ass.

_"Holy shit,"_ Iruka gasps. The image is absolutely insane. Kakashi has his head thrown back against the pillows and he pumps his fingers into himself, stretching. His cock is hard against his stomach and it twitches with every thrust.

Iruka grabs Kakashi's thighs, helps keep the man spread open as he watches in wonder. Kakashi is stunning. He licks his lips at the sight of the man's fingers disappearing into his own body. Kakashi's mouth is dropped open and he pants with almost silent breaths at each push and pull in and out. It's so fucking lewd, but Iruka doesn't want to just _watch._

Iruka grabs the lube, gets some on his own fingers, keeps one hand at Kakashi's leg to keep him spread and dives in.

He puts one finger at Kakashi's entrance, just pushes against the outer rim and the other fingers there, testing. Kakashi doesn't even flinch, just keeps fucking himself like he doesn't notice. Iruka pushes more, slides his finger further, and can't help but gasp as Kakashi's body welcomes it against his own. 

"Oh fuck," Iruka moans. He fucks Kakashi with his finger, and the image of their hands meeting _inside_ Kakashi's body is too much. Iruka's dark skin against Kakashi's pale, fucking in and out of him, it’s absolutely filthy and gorgeous at the same time. Iruka feels like he might come just from the sight of it. They continue for a moment like this until Kakashi drops his hand away and Iruka takes over. He quickly pushes two fingers inside of Kakashi and keeps fucking him at a steady pace.

Kakashi braces himself on the bed, uses the leverage of his hands on the sheets to rock his hips down against Iruka.

_"Iruka,"_ he moans, voice low and deep. "Fuck me."

_"God yes,"_ Iruka answers. He pulls his fingers out of the other man, and shifts to rest between his legs. He feels shaky with excitement, his heart pounds with how much he wants this.

Iruka needs to see more of Kakashi, wants to see all of him. He pushes at Kakashi's t-shirt. "Take this off."

Kakashi listens, squirms with his thighs wrapped around Iruka's torso and pulls the shirt over his head. Iruka helps him, and oogles the soft skin as it's revealed to him. He instantly slides a hand up Kakashi's torso, cups his pectoral and glides a thumb over his nipple.

" _C'mon,"_ Kakashi urges, and locks his ankles behind Iruka to try and guide him forward.

Iruka breathes deep - he already feels like he is about to burst and he isn't even inside Kakashi yet. It's been so long since he's topped. He tries to compose himself, not wanting to ruin the moment.

He rests one hand by Kakashi's head to hold himself up, grips the base of his cock, and pushes in. Kakashi encourages him, uses his legs wrapped around Iruka to push him forward, impatient.

" _Kakashi,"_ Iruka breathes. It's too much, it's too tight, it's too _hot._ It doesn't take long for Iruka to be fully inside him, and he rests with his hips flush against Kakashi, balls deep.

They both take a moment to adjust, both breathing heavy, before Kakashi _squeezes,_ tells him, " _move."_

Iruka listens, he pulls out and pushes back in with a short shallow grind of his hips. "Oh fuck."

Kakashi is so fucking tight. The heat of him around Iruka's cock is overwhelming, clenching and gripping him, pulsing around his throbbing cock. It's been way too long. Iruka's mouth is dropped open in shock. It's so fucking _good._

_"Kakashi,"_ he whimpers again, drops his head as he tries to catch his breath. He meets the other man's eyes through his curtain of hair as it falls forward. "I can't- I'm not gonna last."

"I don't care," Kakashi grits out. The legs around Iruka flex to tighten their grip, his hips raise off the bed to meet Iruka's. "Just fuck me."

It takes a few thrusts for Iruka to find his rhythm, but once he does he doesn't hold back - can't hold back. He fucks Kakashi hard and fast, sets a rigorous pace and slams into him.

"Oh, _yes,"_ Kakashi's head falls back as Iruka pounds into him hard, getting as deep as he can and fucking him with quick movements. Iruka straightens his torso, gets a hold of Kakashi's legs and holds him open, grinds his cock into him, rolling his hips, abs flexing.

Kakashi usually isn't very loud during sex, and this is no different, but the way his head is thrown back and he pants deep and breathless is so, so, intoxicating. Iruka can't keep his eyes off his face, watches the ecstacy radiating off him. Can't believe it is his own doing.

"Fuck, _Kakashi,"_ Iruka moans, drops his eyes to where their bodies meet, watches his cock pushing in and out of the other man, watches as Kakashi accepts him easily, meets his thrusts and fucks him right back. It's _too much_ and Iruka knows he won't be able to continue for much longer.

He brings a hand up to his face, licks a long stripe across his palm, and then wraps it around Kakashi's dick.

_"Iruka,"_ Kakashi gasps, and his whole body jerks with it. Iruka pumps his cock in time with his thrusts, desperately wanting Kakashi to come with him. 

Kakashi feels the desperation, rocks his hips up faster to meet Iruka's - _clenches_ \- and that does it. The roll of his hips is sinful, and Iruka's breath catches in his throat as he comes.

He collapses on top of Kakashi, chest heaving with heavy breaths. His hand is still wrapped tight around Kakashi's cock but he can't move, can't even think with how his brain has whited out with pleasure.

Kakashi wraps his arms around his neck, strokes his hair, lets him take his time. Iruka gathers himself as quickly as his body allows, not wanting to leave Kakashi hanging. He pulls out of him and slips from his grip, slides down his body as he goes.

"Iruka?" Kakashi says in question, but Iruka just ignores him, looks up at him through his eyelashes as he licks a long line up his cock.

" _Ah-"_ Kakashi gasps, and Iruka loves the sound of his voice. The deepness of it. The way it makes his gut clench with desire. Kakashi glides his hands through his hair, wraps his fingers around two fist fulls.

Iruka wants to do this right this time. He takes what he can of Kakashi in his mouth and gets his fist around the rest. He wraps his lips around his head and gets a deep suction as he flicks his tongue. He twists his fist with each quick tight stroke.

Kakashi pulls at his hair, and it makes Iruka wince but it's good, _so_ good. Iruka likes that Kakashi can't even control himself, likes Kakashi writhing under him. It doesn't take long for him to come, and Iruka stays on his cock, milks him with a fist as he spills in his mouth.

Kakashi's hands move to cup his face as Iruka swallows around him. His thumb gently strokes his cheek and his hips jerk once more as he becomes too sensitive. Iruka pulls away, drags a hand through his hair to get it out of his face.

"Holy shit, Iruka," Kakashi says in a rush, and pulls Iruka forward to bring him in for a kiss.

Iruka smiles against his mouth, feeling elated. He doesn't want this to end. He wants to stay in bed here with Kakashi forever. He’s almost feverish with how much he wants it.

"Yeah?" Iruka asks, absolutely high on Kakashi. High on his praise, his body, his _everything_ . Everything about Kakashi drives him insane. He can't believe how much he still continues to get blindsided by how much he _likes_ him.

"Yeah," Kakashi laughs, keeps kissing him as he pulls him down against his chest. They roll around in bed, tossing and turning as they each take turns taking the lead.

They pause when Iruka has the upper hand. He leans over Kakashi again and pulls away after a lengthy kiss. 

There is so much he wants to say but he has no idea how to say it. He wants to thank Kakashi for being here for him, for staying with him, for understanding him and comforting him. He wants to ask him to stay with him, like _stay stay_ , but...the words don't come.

It feels inappropriate after last night, like maybe Iruka has put too much on him at once, and he doesn't want to add more to the pile. He doesn't want to ruin this nice moment either.

Kakashi flips them, gets Iruka on his back and begins kissing down his throat. Iruka laughs, and he can't believe how quickly Kakashi can get him riled up all over again. Kakashi latches onto a nipple, sucks and swirls his tongue and it makes Iruka's toes curl.

"Kakashi-" he gasps. He gets his hands in Kakashi's hair and _pulls._

Kakashi moans against his skin, lets his head be manipulated by Iruka’s hands. Iruka watches his eyes roll back and he tugs again, harder. Kakashi's mouth drops open with a moan.

"For someone who likes my hair so much, I think it's you who's got a thing for hair pulling," Iruka can't help but point out.

Kakashi hums, and there is a dangerous glint in his eyes when he flicks them open to meet Iruka’s. "Maybe."

Iruka smiles back at him and indulges him with another rough tug. "Why don't you grow your hair out, then?"

Kakashi shrugs. He shifts his body out of Iruka's grip to sit above him. Iruka's eyes scan over his chest and stomach involuntarily. 

"My dad had long hair. I think I'd look too much like him." Kakashi answers after a moment. He climbs over Iruka to get off the bed. "You want breakfast?"

Iruka grins. "Are you gonna cook it naked?"

Kakashi makes a show as he walks away - sways his hips. "If I get bacon grease on my dick I'm making you kiss it better."

Kakashi cooks him breakfast, and all the while they can't seem to keep their hands off of each other. The energy is just _different_ now, like they both can't get enough.

After they eat, they don't even make it back to the bedroom - just fall haphazardly on the couch and Kakashi fucks Iruka right there. Keeps it slow and teasing, pounds him hard and grinds into him deep. Drives Iruka absolutely crazy with it. Iruka loves when Kakashi fucks him like this, unhurried and patient, makes him feel every inch of his cock as it drags in and out of him, makes him whimper for it, won't quicken his pace until Iruka has already come once and then he'll fuck him so fast Iruka will go blind with the pleasure until he's coming again.

They stay tangled together on the couch, their limbs sweaty and chests sticking together. It should be uncomfortable but it isn't. Kakashi's weight on top of Iruka is a pleasant burden, and the other man doesn't stop peppering kisses across his sweaty neck and jaw.

Iruka doesn't even know what time it is. He has no idea when they woke up or how long they've been doing this and he honestly doesn't care. It might be the first time in four years that he isn't thinking about how he needs to get to the gym, about how many hours he needs to squeeze in to complete his routine until it's satisfactory.

Except...he should do something, because yesterday hardly counts as a workout, and - as much as he feels exhausted - two great fucking sessions don't count either. 

Iruka pushes against Kakashi's chest, and the other man takes the hint, gives him one last sloppy kiss on the cheek before untangling their bodies. Kakashi sits up and Iruka drops his legs in his lap as he arches his back in a stretch.

"Fuck. 'M sore," he groans. "Definitely gonna feel that in the gym later."

Kakashi looks down at him. "You kicking me out for the gym?"

"No," Iruka laughs. "You can come with me."

Kakashi wrinkles his nose. "I'd rather stay here with you."

"Ah come on," Iruka shoves at him, the comment making his stomach flip. "I went to your thing. Let me show you mine."

Kakashi ducks his head with a small chuckle. They both don't bring up what actually happened when Iruka went to his dojo but, Iruka wants him to know it's ok, and he doesn't want to dance around the subject forever.

"Hey," a thought comes to Iruka then. "Would you teach me?"

"Jujutsu?" Kakashi asks.

Iruka nods. 

"Hm," Kakashi hums. "I'd have to ask Gai."

"How come?" Iruka feels a little dejected.

Kakashi shrugs. "He owns the dojo. He just let's me use it sometimes. There's usually a membership fee."

"Ah," Iruka says, understanding. He bites his lip before pushing his luck some more. "So...you and Gai?"

Kakashi lulls his head to the side with a sly knowing smile. "Yes?"

Iruka smiles back, a little mischievous. "Did you guys ever...ya know?"

"Why are you asking? Are you jealous?" Kakashi teases, rubs Iruka's thigh sitting in his lap.

"No," Iruka answers, and he's being genuine. He isn't, he's just curious. "Just wondering."

Kakashi hums again. His arm is draped over the back of the couch and the other stays at Iruka's thigh. His fingers tickle against the hair there.

"Once," he answers, and Iruka is actually surprised. His eyebrows raise as he looks up at Kakashi in question. "It was a long time ago though."

"What happened?" Iruka did spend all last night complaining about his ex, so he figures it's fair that Kakashi gets to do the same.

Kakashi pauses. "It was nothing...just a one time thing."

Iruka quirks his head at him. "A one time thing?"

Iruka isn't totally surprised to hear that Kakashi is a one and done type of guy, considering how they met, and weirdly the reminder of that makes him feel slightly uncomfortable.

"Yeah," Kakashi shrugs and clears his throat - not elaborating on Iruka's question. "And let me tell you, if you thought I was big..."

"What?!" Iruka lifts himself up on his elbows and stares at Kakashi in shock. "Bigger?"

"Oh yeah," Kakashi whistles. "Way bigger."

"No fucking way," Iruka says disbelieving. "You're lying."

Kakashi holds his hand up. "I swear it."

"Wow," Iruka mumbles to himself thoughtfully. "Interesting."

"Ok, ok," Kakashi rolls his eyes and jabs at his side, tickling him. "You're drooling."

Iruka laughs and kicks his legs up, trying to fight against Kakashi's ministrations. "Stop! I'm kidding!"

Kakashi grips his ankles to hold his legs in place, and Iruka struggles against him for a moment just for fun. When he stops Kakashi keeps his hands on him and glides his fingers up his shins, giving Iruka goosebumps.

"What happened here?" Kakashi asks suddenly. His hands stop right below Iruka's knees, and he lightly presses into the skin there, massaging.

"Hm?" Iruka lifts himself up so he can see what Kakashi is talking about. His shins are covered in bruises. "Oh, I fell yesterday. It's probably from that."

"You fell?" Kakashi asks, not stopping his gentle touch.

"Yeah, it's actually kinda funny," Iruka chuckles as he recalls the embarrassing ordeal. "I fell off the treadmill."

Kakashi stops. "What?"

Iruka shrugs. "Yeah. I dunno. Guess I was going a little too fast and tripped."

Kakashi just stares at him with a furrowed brow, suddenly looking serious. Iruka finds it a bit unnerving.

After a moment Kakashi speaks again. "You said this happened yesterday?"

"Yeah, like before I called you," Iruka answers, not really knowing why Kakashi is even asking.

Kakashi gently pushes Iruka's legs off of him. The movement forces Iruka's body to shift, and he turns with it to get his legs over the side of the couch and sits up completely.

"Iruka," Kakashi starts, and then pauses, like he is thinking. "Maybe you should take it easy for a couple days."

"Huh?" Confused, Iruka narrows his eyes at the other man. "What do you mean? It was just a little fall-"

"No, not that," Kakashi cuts him off. "I mean, in general. Maybe you should tone it down."

Iruka shakes his head. "What do you mean?"

"Like," Kakashi gestures vaguely with a hand. "Why are you running so fast on a treadmill that you're falling? What reason is there for that?"

Iruka shrugs again, starting to feel uneasy under Kakashi's scrutiny. "I don't know. Isn't that the point?"

"To hurt yourself?" Kakashi says incredulously with a huff. The tone Kakashi uses is one Iruka has never heard from him before, and it takes him by surprise.

"What are you trying to say?" Iruka asks, starting to get annoyed. _Is he missing something?_

Kakashi takes a deep breath through his nose and sighs. "Iruka, I don't know what it is, but-"

"What _what_ is?" Iruka interrupts, frustrated. Why won't Kakashi just _say_ it? 

Kakashi continues this time with more sharpness in his voice. "What your obsession is, but it's not healthy."

"What?" Iruka asks with slight alarm - the whole conversation throwing him through a loop. "My obsession? With what?"

Kakashi is facing forward on the couch, and he is no longer looking at Iruka. Iruka doesn't even know what they are talking about or how they got here, all he can tell is that Kakashi seems _upset._ Just a moment ago they were laughing and now…

"Iruka…" Kakashi says and trails off, like it's obvious, like he shouldn't even have to say it.

"Kakashi," Iruka leans forward to try and get the other man to look at him, and becomes hyper aware of the fact that they are both naked. He shifts his legs to try and cover himself. "What are you talking about?"

Kakashi finally faces him again. He grabs a hold of Iruka's hand, squeezes. "Listen, you're beautiful."

Iruka keeps staring at him perplexed. _What?_ Is he trying to change the subject?

"I don't understand-" Iruka starts to say.

Kakashi squeezes his hand again to stop him. "There's no reason to over work yourself or starve yourself or-"

Iruka yanks his hand out of his grip. "Excuse me?"

What is Kakashi saying? Iruka feels totally taken off guard. 

Kakashi looks back at him with what seems like equal confusion. "Iruka-"

"No, wait," Iruka cuts him off. "You think I'm like anorexic or something?"

"Well-" 

Iruka won't let him finish - can't help but be offended. "Kakashi I don't have a _problem_ , I just like to workout."

"Is that why you don't eat?" Kakashi pushes. His voice is firm again and once more it startles Iruka. "Is that why you _have_ to workout everyday and can't miss a day? Is that why you push yourself until you're exhausted or until you hurt yourself? Because you _don't_ have a problem?"

Iruka bites his lip, feeling overwhelmed by the way Kakashi is talking to him. He doesn't like what he is saying or how he is saying it.

"It's not _a problem_ ," he says through gritted teeth. Working out is good for you, it's healthy, it keeps him strong.

"If it's hurting you, then yes it is a problem," Kakashi says matter of factly. 

Iruka swallows the lump in his throat, not even knowing what to say. He knows he doesn't have a problem. He just doesn't eat a lot to begin with and he just works out every day because it keeps him in shape. What is wrong with that? How is that different than anyone else lifting weights at the gym or Kakashi himself doing jujutsu? It's _normal._

"Iruka," Kakashi starts again, his voice softer. Iruka _hates_ it.

"I don't have a problem!" Iruka shouts, angry at Kakashi's accusations. "I'm fine with how I look, ok?"

"Then what is it?" Kakashi asks. "Why is it every time I try to say something nice about you, you get all shy?"

"Because I _am_ shy!" Iruka says back. He can't believe this, can't believe he has to convince Kakashi that there is nothing wrong with him _._ He is so frustrated he can't get his thoughts together. He starts stuttering. "I'm not used to- I just don't-"

"Then why?" Kakashi urges him on. "Why push yourself so much? What are you trying to prove?"

"I-" Iruka falters.

Kakashi continues for him. "If it's because of your ex then it's ok Iruka-"

"Stop," Iruka spits out. He doesn't want Kakashi to complete that thought - knows what he is going to say and it _hurts._ He doesn’t want to hear Kakahi say the words out loud. "No."

"This won't erase what happened and it isn't helping you." Kakashi finishes anyway.

Iruka slams his eyes shut and shakes his head vigorously. He can't even bear to look at the other man. Kakashi tries to reach for his hand again but Iruka slaps it away. He can't believe Kakashi would even say such a thing. He told Kakashi all of that in confidence and now he is using it against him. Who is Kakashi to tell him how to handle this? He doesn't get to tell Iruka how to deal with this. Iruka can deal with it however he wants. It's _his_ life and _not_ Kakashi's.

"That's none of your business," Iruka says after a moment, voice as flat and devoid of emotion as he can manage. 

He feels guilty as soon as the words leave his mouth. They fall heavy in the thick tension of the room. There is a long moment of silence as neither of them move or speak.

"Ok," Kakashi says finally, and he stands up. "You're right. It's none of my business."

Iruka keeps his eyes down as Kakashi walks away. It's only a matter of minutes before he reappears completely dressed. 

Kakashi pauses next to the couch, but makes no move toward Iruka and Iruka makes no move to get up either. 

"I'm gonna go," he says. Iruka nods, feeling empty once more.

Another pause. He hears Kakashi sigh. "I'll see you."

He leaves then, and Iruka drops his head in his hands once the door slams shut.

_What just happened?_ Everything was going so well. Iruka really thought - so stupidly thought - that things had taken a turn for the better. That he and Kakashi really might finally be starting to move towards something _real_ with each other. He feels so foolish for thinking that. Of course it wouldn't work out. They are strangers who just fuck and that's it. What a mistake it was to expect more out of this. 

Iruka stands up, hates the fact that when he does he is reminded of their earlier activities. There is dried come on his stomach and lube between his thighs. He can't believe they had such an amazing morning - everything felt so perfect - and it just came crashing down around them. Iruka really just forced this man out of his apartment with his _come_ still inside him. _What the fuck._

Iruka _doesn't_ have a problem. He can't believe Kakashi would even think something like that. Iruka is the healthiest he has ever been in his entire life. When he grew up a tiny, wimpy, skinny kid - weak and pathetic and easily taken advantage of. And now - now he is…

His eyes sting with tears. _What is he?_ He is weak and pathetic and _god_ nothing has changed at all. Iruka feels so infuriated - at himself, at Kakashi, at his ex, his parents - _everything._

Absurdly, all he can think about is how he wants to go to the gym, how he needs to get some of this energy out, how he needs to get his muscles moving so he can feel that _burn_ that he loves. 

And that's it, isn't it? Kakashi is right. Of course he is, because Iruka knows no matter how hard he works it isn't going to change anything. It isn't going to suddenly create a wormhole in time and prevent the whole thing from happening. It isn't going to change history, or make Iruka forget, but…

It's something Iruka can control. He can control what his body does, how it does it, how much weight he puts on the bar, how many times he lifts it. When his body hurts he knows why - because he did 80 box jumps, because he did 8 overhead squats at his highest weight, because he rowed for 20 minutes and then did 50 burpees and 50 wall balls. At least now when he is overwhelmed by pain, he knows why, and he knows it’s his own doing. At this point, it's the only thing in his life that he _does_ have control over.

He can't even control his stupid mouth from saying stupid things that push away the one good thing in his life. 

Figures. Everything Iruka has ever had he has lost. He should be used to it by now. Why would he think it would be any different with Kakashi?

* * *

Days pass, and it doesn't get any easier. Iruka thinks, maybe Kakashi will text him again. Maybe, he'll reach out...but he doesn't.

Stupidly, Iruka goes back and forth between painfully missing the other man to resentfully hating him. He hates Kakashi for not texting him, but he still eagerly checks his phone for a notification every time he picks it up - hoping, and knowing his anger will disappear in a second with just one simple _Yo._

When more days pass and there still is nothing, Iruka tries to move on. With how much pain this relationship has caused him without it even being a relationship to begin with, he starts to wonder if it's really worth it - if maybe it's for the better that this is how it ended. Could something that is causing him so much anxiety and stress be worth it?

Iruka supposes that he will never know, so for now he tries to push it out of his mind as much as possible - tries to continue on with his life as it was before, tries not to think of Kakashi, tries not to think of his voice ringing in his ears every time he goes to the gym or skips breakfast. It just...doesn't matter anymore.

He's writing some multiplication tables on the white board when he hears giggling behind him.

Iruka sighs. It's after lunch and the kids have just gotten back from recess. They are still a little riled up from being outside, excited that the weather is starting to get warmer and reminding them that summer is on the way. Great for them, but unfortunately for Iruka, it just makes them harder to manage.

He keeps his back to them, testing. More giggles.

"Naruto," a low whisper. Kiba. "Let me see-"

"No!" Comes Naruto's hushed response. 

Iruka turns around and they quickly silence themselves. His eyes scan the room over all their little bodies sitting as still as possible in their little chairs - all except Naruto.

Naruto squirms in his seat, his hands shoved in the front pocket of his hoodie. Iruka's eyes narrow at him.

"Nar-"

"I'm not doing anything!" Naruto cuts him off, coming off as totally and completely innocent in the process. Iruka rolls his eyes.

He's about to criticize the boy's act when Naruto suddenly hunches over in his seat. His hands slip from the pocket and he grips at something tightly as it fights against his grasp.

"Ah!" 

"Naruto!"

"Eee!!!!"

A frog jumps from his hands, lands on the floor and hops in between the desks. The girls scream and scramble to get their feet up, and the boys howl with laughter.

"Naruto!" Iruka shouts again and the boy follows after the little creature. He crawls under the desks after it, reaching out with his little hands and trying to pick it up again.

That makes the girls squeal louder, as the boy passes their legs and they kick at him to get him away. Their chairs scrape across the floor as they stand to avoid him, and they get knocked over as they panic to not step on the frog at the same time. The boys shove at their desks to make room, shouting at Naruto as he goes.

"Hey!" Naruto yells as he crawls between someone's legs. They kick at him. "I almost had him!"

"Oh dear lord," Iruka mumbles to himself over all of the chaos. "Everyone relax!"

"Iruka-sensei, Naruto touched me!" A girl shrieks.

"You idiot, watch it!" Another boy yells.

Iruka runs to the arts and crafts corner, grabs a jar that's full of crayons and dumps it on the counter. Then he rushes after Naruto, following the other boy's path to the frog that's still leaping across the floor and pulls back on his hoodie. The boy stops in his tracks, and Iruka leans over him to slam the jar over top the frog, trapping him.

"Naruto, why did you bring a frog into my classroom?" Iruka shouts, exasperated.

"I found him," Naruto answers. "I want to keep him!"

Iruka groans. Ok, first it was the bunnies and now a _frog?_ Iruka can't do this forever.

"Naruto, go back to your seat." Iruka stands up while slowly picking up the jar and turning it in his grasp. He puts his hand over the top so the animal can't jump out again. Everyone is standing up, chairs and desks are knocked over as the kids all hover around Iruka. " _Everyone_ sit back down!"

"Iruka-sensei-"

"Naruto-"

"Can we see it-"

They all continue to shout at him to get his attention, hyped up from all the commotion.

" _Everyone sit down now!_ " Iruka shouts. "Get to your desks and we are all going to sit quietly while we take a quiz!"

The students groan as they gather their chairs and sit back down.

"Iruka-sensei there wasn't a quiz scheduled for today." Someone complains.

"It's a pop quiz!" Iruka bites out. "Because you all acted so poorly just now! Now sit down and be quiet."

"A pop quiz? What a drag."

"It's all Naruto's fault…"

Naruto grumbles in his seat. "It's _not_ my fault!"

"Yes it is!" Sakura chimes in. "It's always your fault. You're so annoying!"

"I'm not annoying!" Naruto shouts back.

"Are too! Everyone thinks so," Sakura huffs. "Right Sasuke?"

"Shut up!" Naruto doesn't even let him answer. "I don't care what you think!"

"Stop yelling," Sasuke, always so quiet and reserved, simply rolls his eyes at him. "Loser."

"Screw you Sasuke!"

"Naruto!" Iruka jumps in. "Don't say that!"

Naruto doesn't even miss a beat, corrects himself. " _Fuck_ you Sasuke!"

" _Enough_!" Iruka shouts, and has to practically bite his tongue not to laugh because _of course_ Naruto would try to fix something by acting _worse._ "That's it! The three of you are staying with me after class!"

"Me?" Sakura asks innocently. "What did I do?"

Sasuke doesn't even react at all, just sits back in his seat with his arms crossed over his chest. 

"We will talk after class," Iruka says. "Now everyone shut up and listen!"

Iruka puts the jar down on his desk, quickly replacing his hand with a book, and then prepares to give out the pop quiz he had made up just for this specific occasion.

After class Iruka keeps the three students for an extra half hour detention. He lectures them on not calling each other names and not saying bad words before making them read silently for the rest of the time.

Iruka doesn't mind staying a little late. He gets some of his own work done in the meantime, and grades some papers. It isn't like he has anywhere special to be anyway.

When the time is up, Iruka walks them to the front of the building and waits with them while their parents pick them up, both Sakura and Sasuke's mothers annoyed to have to come pick them up late. Iruka waves to them politely, and tells them he took care of everything to hopefully lessen the blow.

Once they are gone it is just him and Naruto standing there.

"I couldn't get a hold of Mr. Nakamura," Iruka says. Naruto's foster father. "Does he usually pick you up?"

"No," Naruto mumbles. "Mr. Nakamura works third shift now so he isn't home in the afternoon. Mrs. Nakamura doesn't get home till 4 but then she takes a nap and doesn't like to be woken up. She won't answer the phone."

"Oh," Iruka says with a furrowed brow. "How do you usually get home?"

Naruto shoves his hands deep in his pocket as he looks down at his feet. "I had a bus pass but I lost it. I usually walk."

"They won't get you a new one?" Living in the city, it isn't uncommon for students to take public transportation, but walking that distance alone at such a young age? Iruka doesn't like that.

Naruto bites his lip. "I haven't told them."

Iruka sighs. Don't they think it's weird their child isn't home at a normal time? Don't they worry about him? It has to take Naruto close to an hour to walk all the way home, shouldn't they have noticed something was wrong? Is he walking in all sorts of bad weather too? Iruka can't believe he himself didn't notice.

"I'll take you home today, ok?" Iruka says. Naruto doesn't argue as they go back inside to grab the rest of Iruka's things. Naruto pauses at his desk, the jar with the frog still there.

"Iruka-sensei, can I take him now?" He asks. "I promise I won't bring him back to class."

"Fine." Iruka lets the boy pick up the jar, and he leaves the book that was covering the top and obediently replaces it with his hand. His face is glowing with excitement. Iruka kind of dreads the thing being in his car, but the look on Naruto's face makes it hard to say otherwise.

They walk out to the parking lot, and Naruto keeps the jar up to his face, staring at the little animal inside. "Hey Iruka-sensei, do frogs have feelings?"

Iruka shrugs. "I'm sure they do. I think every living thing in the world does."

"Even plants?" Naruto asks.

Iruka laughs. "Well, they say they grow better when you talk to them nicely, so yeah I think even plants have feelings."

"Hm," Naruto hums to himself. When they reach Iruka's car, Naruto pauses and rests the jar on the ground. He watches silently as the frog jumps out onto the asphalt. Iruka says nothing while the thing leaps away, not sure what Naruto is thinking.

"I think he would feel lonely, away from his family," Naruto says to him then, and gets into the car.

Iruka nods and gets in the car after him, his heart aching.

As they drive, a curious thought comes to him. "You like animals don't you Naruto?"

"Mhm!" Naruto answers as he bounces his legs in his seat. The boy can never seem to sit still. "I think frogs are my favorite. But I like cats and dogs too! I always wanted to get foster parents that had pets! Iruka-sensei, did you ever get a foster family with pets?"

Iruka smiles to himself. "I always wished for a family with a dog. Never got it though."

"Why don't you get a dog now?" Naruto asks.

"I don't know…" Iruka trails off. His ex was against having a pet, saying it was too much time and money. Iruka hadn’t thought about it since moving into his own place. He figures an apartment isn’t the best for a dog anyway.

"You should!" Naruto jabbers on. "When I get my own place I'm going to have as many pets as I want."

Iruka thinks he knows why. "You know, you could get a job working with animals. Is that something you'd want to do when you get older?"

Naruto shrugs. "Like what?"

"A vet," Iruka says just as an example. "Or maybe animal rescue. Something like that."

"I dunno." Naruto gets quiet.

Iruka knows Naruto has never really spoken about his future. Iruka remembers going through the same thing as a child. Not having parents makes it harder to dream for your future, knowing college is out of the question without the proper funding. Iruka hates to think that Naruto is only 12 and possibly already giving up.

"Hey," Iruka suddenly gets an idea. "There's an animal shelter near by. Do you wanna stop in? Maybe you can talk to someone about volunteering."

"Really?!" Naruto perks up again.

Iruka knows he may be pushing it, because at the end of the day Naruto still needs his guardians approval but, he just wants to offer the kid some type of hope - wants him to see that maybe there is something he can be passionate about and look forward to.

The shelter is a little out of the way, but Iruka knows of it from local ads that pop up on his Instagram feed occasionally. He always thinks he should donate or something, but just has never gotten around to. Maybe he will today.

Iruka follows behind Naruto as the boy rushes into the building. 

"Hey, hey!" Naruto wastes no time running up to the front counter. "Mister can we see the animals!"

"Naruto," Iruka looks down at him and chastises. He places a hand on his head to calm him down, then looks at the man behind the counter. "Sorry he-"

His heart stops. His stomach drops. His lungs seize in his throat.

"No worries," Kakashi says. _Kakashi_ says. _Kakashi._ It's Kakashi standing behind the counter, and he leans down on the counter to get closer to Naruto. "You wanna see the dogs?"

"Yeah!" Naruto shouts excitedly.

Kakashi straightens up then, looks to Iruka. "Hey."

"Hi." Iruka says back around a choked breath, struggling to gather his thoughts. _What the hell is Kakashi doing here?_

It feels like it's been forever since he's seen the other man, and his heart won't stop pounding in his chest just at the sight of him. He's wearing a dark navy polo with the shelter's name embroidered on the breast pocket. The color looks good on him, surprisingly, and Iruka feels himself heat up for a variety of reasons. He can’t believe it. Kakashi is here and he has absolutely no idea what to say or how to act.

Kakashi turns his attention to Naruto. "I can take you back, but you can only play with them if you promise to follow the rules."

"I will!" Naruto says and falls in line next to Kakashi as the man leads them back to where the cages are.

Iruka feels like he might have a heart attack as he walks behind them. A surge of emotions all hit him at once. He is elated to see the other man again, can't help how his heart rate picks up just by being close to him, but also he is mad - mad that Kakashi hasn't talked to him at all since their fight, and not sure where they stand now, if anywhere at all.

Kakashi tells Naruto a brief list of rules for how to approach the dogs and how to touch them, then lets the boy run along the cages to pet them through the bars. He falls back into step with Iruka.

"So…" he starts.

"What are you doing here?" Iruka blurts out.

"I volunteer here on Tuesday nights," Kakashi answers. "What are you doing here?"

Iruka gestures to the boy who is now sticking his hand through the bars to pet a labrador. "Naruto wanted to come."

"Hm," Kakashi hums. 

"I didn't know you worked here," Iruka says quickly, so as to not seem like a stalker freak.

"I know," Kakashi says simply. He stops walking and turns to Iruka, hands in his pockets. "How have you been?"

Iruka shrugs, still feeling a little overwhelmed. "I chased a loose frog through my classroom today, so there’s that.”

Kakashi laughs, and _god_ it’s so nice to hear again. “Can’t say that’s ever happened to me.”

“Yeah, well,” Iruka rolls his eyes and pointedly looks to Naruto. “With this one you gotta expect anything and everything.”

“Ah,” Kakashi says and gives him a knowing look. “And his punishment is? Taking him to play with some more cute animals?”

Iruka purses his lips. “I gave him detention first.”

Kakashi laughs at him again, then clears his throat - starts to say something else.

"Hey mister," Naruto interrupts. "What kind of dog is this?"

Kakashi and Iruka both approach the cage Naruto is kneeling in front of. Inside it is a cute medium sized dog with reddish colored fur. He sits in the back of the kennel, far away from the bars.

"A Finnish Spitz," Kakashi replies. Iruka thinks it looks a bit like a fox.

Naruto squeezes his face against the metal. "Can I play with him?"

"Hm," Kakashi thinks. "He's usually a little grumpy…"

"Aw c'mon," Naruto reaches his hand out, his torso pressed against the bars, and flexes his fingers to try and urge the dog forward. "C'mere boy."

The dog tentatively comes forward, and he slowly approaches Naruto. Naruto holds his hand still and lets the dog sniff him. After a tense moment, the dog licks his fingers, and then bumps his head against his hand. Naruto practically vibrates with excitement and scratches him behind his ears. "He likes me!"

"Yeah, I guess he does," Kakashi says, a little wonder in his voice. Iruka smiles, weirdly proud of his student.

After a moment of thought, Kakashi unhooks a set of keys off his belt loop and unlocks the cage. Naruto quickly runs inside and sits on the floor next to the dog, who immediately jumps all over him and licks his face.

Iruka watches as Kakashi latches the keys back to his pants, and has to do a double take.

"What-" He grabs Kakashi's wrist. "What is this?"

Iruka holds up the other man's arm. On his wrist are multiple elastic bands. At least 4 of them. All dark brown. Hair ties. _Iruka's_ hair ties _._

"Oh-" Kakashi starts to say.

"You!" Iruka says, flabbergasted. "You've been stealing my hair ties! I thought it was weird they kept going missing! It was you?!"

Kakashi laughs awkwardly, and rubs the back of his neck with his free hand. "Um, well-"

Iruka is in shock. He stares at the other man as he tries to come up with an excuse and _can't._ He doesn't think he's ever seen Kakashi so flustered before. He is actually _blushing._

"I can't believe you," Iruka huffs with a laugh and drops his hand. "You really did steal them didn't you?"

Kakashi holds up his hands in defense. "I didn't do it on purpose I swear."

Iruka gives him a quizzical look. "How do you steal by accident?"

"Well," Kakashi drops his voice so Naruto won't over hear, even though Iruka knows the boy is too preoccupied to listen to them anyway. "Sometimes after you fell asleep your ponytail would just be in the way, so I'd take it out and put it on my wrist and then I forgot and…"

Iruka sighs, but it isn’t out of anger. All the times he fell asleep in Kakashi's arms and then would wake up alone in the morning, hair spilling all over the place, he always just thought his hair tie had simply fallen out and was lost in his sheets. Only apparently not, apparently it was Kakashi's doing this whole time.

"Hey, I bought you more," Kakashi points out.

"So you can steal them again!" Iruka retorts and crosses his arms over his chest. It feels good to joke with Kakashi like this again. Easy - like it always is - despite everything. Iruka missed it.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi says. He pulls at the ones on his wrist. "Do you want them back?"

"No," Iruka stops him. "It's whatever."

Iruka doesn't even want to think about why Kakashi is even wearing them right now. He hasn't seen the other man in over two weeks. Why would they be on his wrist _now?_

"Hey," Naruto interrupts again. "Are all these dogs up for adoption?"

"Sure are," Kakashi answers.

"Iruka-sensei you should get this one!" Naruto says as he wraps his arms around the animal in his lap.

"I don't think so Naruto," Iruka says back sadly.

Naruto sulks. The dog licks at his cheek. 

"You don't want a dog, Iruka-sensei?" Kakashi asks him, a small smile on his lips. Iruka's heart flutters. He missed that smile too, missed the dumb beauty mark beneath it. If Naruto wasn’t here, he isn’t sure he’d be able to stop himself from kissing him.

Iruka bites his lip as he looks at him. "I do, but…"

There's a lot of things he wants that he can't have.

"Hey," Kakashi turns to Naruto. "There's a box of treats up at the front desk. Why don't you go grab it?"

"Ok!" Naruto runs quickly down the hall, leaving Iruka and Kakashi alone.

Iruka wipes a hand over his face and groans. "I'm sorry this is so weird."

Kakashi chuckles. "Why is it weird?"

Iruka gives him a side eye. How is it _not_ weird? The last time they saw each other they got into a fight, Iruka kicked him out and they haven't spoken to each other since. 

Kakashi just nods and looks down towards his feet. "Yeah ok, it's weird."

They stand in silence for a second longer, the tension thick and heavy in the room.

Kakashi clears his throat. "Listen, I know I overstepped and-"

"You didn't," Iruka cuts him off. "I shouldn't have gotten so mad."

Kakashi simply nods again, the line of his lips tight as he thinks to himself. He averts his eyes before speaking again. "It's good to see you again."

Iruka's breath catches in his throat. "Yeah. You too."

Naruto comes scrambling into the room, large box of treats in his hands. He stops at each cage to give each dog a treat.

"Hey hey," he says as he gets closer to them. "Iruka-sensei, do you think we can come here again?"

Iruka looks to Kakashi, who smiles.

"We could always use more volunteers," Kakashi answers for him. "Plus I don't think I've ever seen Kurama warm up to anyone before."

He inclines his head to the red furred dog in the cage beside them. The dog wags its tail as Naruto comes up to give him a treat.

"I think he'll be happy to see you again," Kakashi finishes, looking at Iruka as he says it.

Iruka smiles.

Iruka smiles the entire way to Naruto's, only half listening as the boy gushes on and on about the dogs. Then, he smiles all the way back to his apartment, and keeps smiling when he rolls into bed. Grins big and wide when his phone vibrates against his nightstand - laughs out loud to himself with pure giddiness at the text he sees on his screen. 

**_Missed you. Can I see you?_ **

**_Yes_ **

Maybe this is something he can have after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fucking lied! There will be one more chapter! I have this whole story outlined and I keep thinking 'it wont take that long to write that scene' and then it ends up being 6k words and i'm really trying to keep these chapters between 8k-10k words so...anyway, we'll see how the next one goes lol. This one is on the shorter end of only 8k, but I felt it was a good stopping point before going into what's next....hope y'all dig it anyway! 
> 
> Work has been really crazy so it's taking me longer to write these chapters (i literally used to be able to edit while at work in my down time but i have no down time anymore, i didn't even take a lunch break at all last week lol.) I appreciate everyone who is reading and commenting. It means a lot! 
> 
> Thank you!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. This was a trip to write. Thank you for sticking around. This is the final chapter. Please enjoy!

They don't talk about it. After their brief apologies spoken at the animal shelter nothing else was needed, and things fall back into place easily without a word or explanation. Which is totally fine with Iruka, who is grateful for things to just be _normal_ again.

Kakashi texts Iruka the way he always has before, then he comes over and they fuck like always, like nothing ever happened, like they never even had an argument to begin with.

Except now, Kakashi stays. He always stays.

It's actually become quite a bit of a problem for Iruka - who never once in his entire teaching career has been late - but now that Kakashi spends the night...well, things can sometimes get out of hand in the mornings.

The morning Iruka woke up to Kakashi in his lap - wrapping his thighs around his waist and riding him, sitting on his cock and fucking himself quick and fast while Iruka struggled to keep up, moaning above him and taking every inch of Iruka's cock like it was fucking made for him - that morning will forever be etched in Iruka's memory as something special, even if it did make him late for work.

Still, Iruka wouldn't dare complain. He loves the nights Kakashi comes over - when he lays in Iruka's bed with him and they wrap themselves up in each other - fall asleep together and wake up together - Iruka thinks there might be nothing better.

They're laying in Iruka's bed now. It's late, but it's a Saturday night so Iruka doesn't mind Kakashi keeping him up. The other man is resting along his side, on his belly with his head laying atop Iruka's stomach - their legs are tangled under the sheets, and Kakashi has one arm slung over his torso. Iruka can feel Kakashi's steady breath across his skin, and he lazily strokes a hand through his grey hair.

Iruka stares at him as he pets him. His long eyelashes kiss the tops of his pale cheeks as he shuts his eyes, and the faint pink scar that cuts through the lid leaves the skin pinched and raised. It’s oddly beautiful.

Kakashi practically purrs against him as Iruka changes his grip to get his nails across his scalp - rakes them gently through his hair and then _tugs._ It's just a small tug - with no real intention behind it - just because he can, and just because he likes feeling the way Kakashi's breath hitches against his abs. Iruka thinks maybe he could get Kakashi to do anything as long as he had a hand in that hair. It's such a pleasantly dangerous thought.

Kakashi must sense what he is thinking because the arm over his torso flexes, grips Iruka a little bit tighter - like he is saying _yes you have me, but I have you, too._

And it's true. He does. They haven't talked about it, and Iruka still doesn't know what _it_ is, but it doesn't matter.

As Kakashi's arm flexes, Iruka can't help but notice the swirling red pattern tattooed on his bicep. He remembers seeing it in the pictures on his profile, but this is the first time he ever really bothered to look closely at it. Iruka likes the way it dips and curves over his muscles as they shift. Without thinking he brings his hand up to trace the pattern, and the touch makes the other man's eyes flick open. Iruka leaves his hand there, grips the muscle of his bicep and grazes his thumb over the design. The red of it is quite nice against Kakashi's pale skin, almost looking like a scar in its own way.

"What does this mean?" He asks then, simply out of pure curiosity. His voice seems loud as he breaks the silence of their comfortable post coitus relaxation.

"Nothing," Kakashi answers. Iruka can feel his cheek move with his mouth against his stomach as he talks.

Iruka squeezes his bicep and laughs lightly. "Nothing? You just got it for no reason?"

Iruka doesn't know much about tattoos, but he always hears of people getting ones with deep special meanings. Kakashi's ‘ _nothing’_ kind of surprises him.

Kakashi manages a tiny shrug in his position. "Yeah."

He isn't looking at him, so Iruka doesn't hide when he makes a face. "When did you get it?"

Another shrug. "I dunno."

"You don't know?" Iruka doesn't bother hiding the exasperation in his voice either.

Kakashi lifts himself up and looks at Iruka with tired eyes. "It was a long time ago."

Iruka shrugs his own shoulders. "Just seems like something you would remember."

"Well, I don't." Kakashi says flatly, and drags his body so he is lying adjacent to Iruka. He rests his head on the pillow and throws an arm over his face. The position is clear - _'I'm done talking now.'_

Iruka's back is slightly inclined against the headboard, and he looks down at Kakashi skeptically. He knows it's dumb to be annoyed - he has no reason to be - but he can't help it. Nothing he found out about the man so far has been _bad._ Infact, they have been the exact opposite of bad. He can cook, he's a teacher, he's a black belt in jujutsu, and he volunteers at a freaking animal shelter every week. It's almost too good to be true.

The only thing is, Kakashi never volunteered any of that information up front - it was always an afterthought, or Iruka had to literally catch him in the act. Iruka doesn't want to be suspicious of the man when he has proven to be nothing short of exceptional, but…

"I just think it's weird you don't remember," he can't stop himself from saying.

Iruka can see the line of Kakashi's lips tighten. He takes a deep breath through his nose and drops his arm from his face as he rolls over, facing Iruka. "Does it matter? I'm tired."

Iruka huffs, but doesn't say anything else. He slides his body down so he's lying completely flat and turns on his side away from Kakashi. Kakashi slots himself up against him, and drapes an arm around his waist. Iruka lets himself be cuddled even though he feels irritated by Kakashi's response - but he doesn't want to push the situation any further. He doesn't want to be greedy. Kakashi doesn't want to tell him, and that's _fine._ It's _fine. Whatever._  
  


* * *

When they wake up, it's to a loud repetitive knocking on Iruka's front door.

Iruka sits upright, and is surprised to see Kakashi already rolling out of bed - reaching quickly for his boxers. Iruka looks to his phone sitting on his nightstand. _3:35am._

"What the-" he starts to grumble, but is cut off by more urgent knocking.

"Stay here," Kakashi says, and leaves the room - not bothering to turn on any of the lights.

Iruka quickly untangles himself from his bedsheets and throws on a pair of sweatpants. Before leaving the room he opens his bedside drawer to find a hair tie. 

He fumbles in the dark, and curses under his breath. "Dammit Kakashi."

That man really does keep swiping all his hair ties. All that's left are the ribbon ones. Iruka grabs one, uncaring of its pink color, and quickly pulls his hair back.

He follows Kakashi out of the room, having no idea who it could be knocking at his door at this hour. He inwardly curses the building maintenance crew for never fixing their keycode lock in the front lobby, meaning anyone could entire the building whether they lived there or not. Great for when Kakashi comes over, but now he kinda wished it got fixed.

"I told you to stay," Kakashi says once he sees him in the hall. 

Iruka struggles to adjust his eyes in the dark. He subconsciously crosses his arms over his bare chest and inches forward, still half asleep. "Kakashi-"

"Sh," Kakashi holds a hand up to stop him, and then approaches the front door. Iruka's eyes adjust more, and he can see Kakashi is standing tense - ready for a fight. The image would be funny, considering he is in just his boxers, if Iruka wasn't so focused on the unexpected guest.

Kakashi looks through the peephole, and then turns to Iruka with a bewildered expression.

"It's Naruto."

"What?!" Iruka shouts. He runs over to the door, flicking on the hall light switch as he goes, and pushes Kakashi out of the way.

He swings the door open, and sure enough, Naruto is standing there right in his doorway.

"Naruto?! What-"

"Iruka-sensei," Naruto looks up at him with wet eyes, and he shifts his weight from foot to foot, looking nervous. "I-"

Iruka pulls him inside and drops down in a squat to get to his eye level. He instantly begins pawing at the boy - looking at his face, combing his hair back, patting down his shoulders - checking for anything, _anything_ , that would signal he is hurt or in danger. "Naruto what's wrong? Are you ok?"

Naruto sniffs. He won't look at Iruka - he keeps his eyes downcast and has a deep set frown on his face.

"Naruto-"

"They asked for displacement," he says suddenly in a soft quiet voice, like it hurts to say - like speaking the words too loudly might make them happen sooner, might make them happen instantly like some type of evil spell or curse.

"Oh," Iruka's heart drops. He knows those words too well and has heard them so many times himself - feared them so much in his own childhood. He can't stop himself from pulling Naruto forward, and locks him against his chest in a bone crushing hug. _Oh._

Naruto lets him hold him, and tentatively lifts his arms up to hug him back. "Iruka-sensei, I don't want to go. I don't want to move again-"

"I know," Iruka cuts him off and speaks into his hair through gritted teeth. "I know."

Iruka fights back his own tears, desperately determined not to cry. This isn't about him or his feelings. It's about Naruto. It's about Nartuo being forced out of a home _again_ , having to move _again,_ having to readjust to a new life and new family _again._ Iruka is so mad and upset and _frustrated_ he wants to scream.

Iruka subconsciously grips him tighter, his throat tight itself as he holds back the anger he feels. In the corner of his eye, he sees Kakashi standing awkwardly to the side, clearly unsure of what's going on and not knowing how to react. He also is still in nothing but his boxers. Iruka turns his head as much as he can and mouths to him, _'put some clothes on.'_

Kakashi's brows raise as he suddenly seems to realise his state of dress and he quietly leaves the room.

Iruka pulls away from Naruto then, but keeps a tight grip on the boy's shoulders. "Naruto I know how hard it's, but it will be ok."

"How can you know?" Naruto asks, voice raising. "How do you know it will be ok?"

"Because I've done it," Iruka answers firmly, and looks him in the eyes - tries to convey how serious he is. How he _knows_ this will be ok. Everything will be ok. Iruka will make sure that everything will be ok no matter what. He will do anything in his power to make it so.

Naruto wipes at his snotty nose and stares back at him. Iruka silently pleads a second longer - _please believe me, please be strong_ \- before Naruto nods with a final sniff.

Iruka feels Kakashi's presence as he comes up behind Iruka slowly, and then lightly presses something against his shoulder. Iruka turns when he realizes he is trying to hand him a t-shirt, and he takes it with a small nod in thanks before quickly throwing it on.

Naruto seems to notice the other man then, and he narrows his eyes at him. "You're the guy from the dog place."

Kakashi nods. "Yup."

Naruto's eyes shift between them. "What are you doing here with Iruka-sensei?"

"Just...hanging out..." Kakashi says dumbly.

Iruka rolls his eyes and stands up. He urges Naruto in the apartment further. "C'mon, let's sit down."

Naruto plops down on the couch. 

"Kakashi can you make some tea or something?" Iruka asks, wiping a hand over his tired face.

Kakashi nods and makes his way into the kitchen. Iruka sits down next to Naruto, dreading the conversation that he knows they need to have next.

"Naruto," he starts. "Why did you come here?"

Naruto keeps his eyes down again, staring at his hands in his lap. His leg bounces repeatedly up and down. "I dunno."

Iruka sighs. "How did you even find out where I lived?"

"I read your file," Naruto answers, like it's the simplest thing in the world.

"Huh?" Iruka shakes his head. "How did you get a hold of my file?"

Naruto shrugs and turns his head purposely away from Iruka.

"Naruto," Iruka chastises. "What did you do?"

"Nothing!" He says quickly and mumbles something under this breath.

Iruka huffs. "Naruto it is 3am and I am off the clock, what the hell did you do and how did you get into my file?"

Naruto scrunches up his nose. "Fine. Me ‘n Shikamaru got into the computer database."

"Why would you do that?" Iruka is almost afraid to ask.

"Because," Naruto crosses his arms over his chest and slumps further into the couch. "Ebisu-sensei called Choji fat so…"

"Oh my god," Iruka recalls Ebisu telling him about his house getting mysteriously egged in the middle of the night a few months ago. "That was _you?"_

Kakashi's snort can be heard all the way from the kitchen.

"Well he deserved it, ya know!" Naruto defends himself loudly.

"Naruto you can't just do stuff like that," Iruka groans, then adds quickly, "Even if they deserve it!"

Naruto grumbles and rolls his eyes.

"And," Iruka continues, more serious this time. "You can't just run away either. I'm assuming Mr. and Mrs. Nakamura don't know you're not at home?"

"That's not my home," Naruto is quick to say. The bite of anger in his voice is impossible to miss.

Iruka sighs. He knows that's true, and he knows for someone like Naruto it's hard to call any place home. He wishes he could offer something more comforting to say.

Kakashi comes into view, and he places two mugs on the coffee table in front of them. He makes sure to catch Iruka's eye, and Iruka can see him silently ask, _'should I stay?'_

Iruka nods, and Kakashi sits cross legged right there on the floor - leans his elbows on the coffee table and says nothing. Naruto eyes him and Iruka watches his wary gaze.

"Naruto," Iruka commands his attention again. "I know you feel like you don't have a home right now, but-"

"But what?" Naruto cuts him off, anger no longer being held back. He looks at Iruka with big round panicked eyes. "I don't want to move again! I don't want to go to a new school! Everyone already thinks I'm weird and now I have to go somewhere else and everyone is gonna think I'm weird there too!"

He grips at the front of his hoodie, as if he's tugging at his own heart. "Why can't I stay? Why don't they want me? Why doesn't anyone want me?"

"I don't know," Iruka says softly. _No one wanted him either._

"Naruto," both Iruka and Naruto jerk their heads in surprise at the sound of Kakashi's voice.

He looks at Naruto from his spot hunched over the table, looking as relaxed and calm as ever. "I think what Iruka means is that just because you don't have a home, doesn't mean you don't have a family."

Naruto bears his teeth at him in a grimace, not impressed by his attempt at comfort. "What do you know? I've never had a family! No one has ever wanted me! I've always been alone!"

"Me too," Kakashi says easily, unphased by the boy yelling in his face. "After I lost both my parents, I felt the same as you. But, I found friends, and they saved me. I didn't have a home either, but we built one - together. Your friends are a stronger bond than blood, they are your family."

Iruka stares at the other man in shock. Kakashi was like him? He lost his parents too? Was he in the system like Iruka and Naruto? Iruka purses his lips - tries to fight down his emotions once more. He doesn't know how to feel. On one hand it feels like such a relief to know that Kakashi knows what it’s like - that he actually understands - but on the other, it is just another piece of information Kakashi didn't trust him with before...

"You're worried about making friends, but you have friends," Kakashi continues now that he's gained a bit of Naruto's trust. "Iruka is your friend."

Naruto sits and listens to him quietly. He keeps his eyes focused down on his balled up fists in his lap, taking in Kakashi's words.

"You can't pick your family, but your friends - the people who stick by you and don't turn their backs on you - that is your true family, and true family won't abandon you, no matter where your home is," Kakashi finishes.

It takes a minute for Iruka to catch up, too thrown off by Kakashi's confession. When he does find his voice, he turns to Naruto and places his hands over his clenched fists. "Naruto, I am your friend. I am your _family._ No matter where this takes you or where you end up I will be here for you."

Naruto picks his eyes up then, and he looks between the two men. "Are you and the dog guy friends?"

Iruka can hear Kakashi mumble behind him, _'dog guy?'_

"Yes," he answers, ignoring him. He wants so badly to say that they are so much more. He wants to tell Naruto, who is 12 and no doubt going through the awful stage in life that is nothing but questions and confusion, and Iruka just wants him to know that _yes, he is my friend but he's also my boyfriend and also I-_

But they haven't talked about it. He and Kakashi haven't put a name to it, and he won't do that now here in front of Naruto.

Naruto nods. "I'm sorry I came here Iruka-sensei. I just don't want to leave and the Nakamura's don't even want me there."

"Sh," Iruka stops him, and pulls him into another hug. "You're always welcome here. And I'm sure the Nakamuras have a good reason for requesting displacement, ok?"

Naruto says nothing, and Iruka knows he doesn't believe him. 

"I meant what I said," Iruka continues to try and lift his spirits. "No matter where you are I will still always be right there with you. We can get through this. I won't turn my back on you. I won't abandon you."

Iruka uses Kakashi's earlier words, and he looks at him as he says them, silently offering him thanks. Kakashi meets his eyes - holds his gaze intently.

"Ok," Naruto mumbles against his chest. He sounds tired, like the late night hour might finally be catching up to him.

"I know you don't want to hear it, but I have to take you back to the Nakamura's," Iruka says. He lets go of Naruto and brushes his bangs off his face, taking in the boy's features - his eyes and cheeks look puffy from crying.

"It's ok," Naruto responds. "They aren't my family, but…'m glad. They kinda suck anyway, ya know?"

Iruka forces out a laugh. "Yeah, they do kinda suck."

"Iruka-sensei," his voice drops low again, like he's sharing a secret. "I'm glad I can choose my friends."

Iruka smiles at him, ruffles his hair. "Me too. Now, we gotta get you back. I'm tired."

"I'll drive us," Kakashi offers as he stands.

"Kakashi you don't have to-" Iruka starts to say.

"It's fine Iruka," Kakashi cuts him off, leaving no room for arguments.

"Hey dog-man," Naruto directs his attention to Kakashi. "If you and Iruka-sensei are friends can you make him get a dog?"

"Can you not call me dog-man?" Kakashi shoots back, and Iruka bites back a laugh.  
  


* * *

They drive Naruto home, and Iruka struggles to calm down a very annoyed Mrs. Nakamura, who opens the door mid-complaint about being woken up. She tugs Naruto inside roughly, and apologizes to Iruka for the boy disturbing him. Iruka assures her everything is fine and no punishment is necessary, before walking back to Kakashi's car with a heavy heart.

He lets out a big sigh as he sits back in the passenger seat. "Sorry about all this."

"No worries," Kakashi replies easily as he begins to drive again.

Silence falls over them, and Iruka is exhausted from the whole ordeal. He just wants to go home and sleep for the rest of the day, and try not to think about how heartbroken he is for Naruto. Things just never seem to change - the hopelessness he felt as a child still haunts him now in the shape of Naruto - where once again he is powerless against this evil system that continues to hurt these children.

In his peripheral vision he sees Kakashi, staring straight ahead with two hands on the steering wheel focused on driving, his profile calm and unchanging. Iruka is still reeling from the other man revealing that he too knew that childhood - that he also knows the pain of losing a family. He wants Kakashi to know how much he appreciates his help, how much those words he shared with Naruto mean to him. He wants Kakashi to know how much _he_ means to him. That he can trust him with _all of him._

Iruka knows he isn't the best at voicing his feelings, or expressing his desires - growing up feeling like a burden will do that to you - but he needs Kakashi to _know._ He wrings his hands in his lap, suddenly nervous and unable to find his voice.

Instead, he reaches over and places a hand on the other man's leg, just resting it there as he keeps his eyes forward, afraid of Kakashi's reaction. He hopes Kakashi will understand. He may not be able to say it out loud, but he hopes Kakashi gets the message anyway.

After a moment, Kakashi drops one hand from the steering wheel and places it over Iruka's. Iruka bites his lip as Kakashi entwines their fingers. It's enough. Iruka breathes a sigh of relief.

"I want to make a stop," Kakashi eventually breaks the silence. "If that's ok?"

"Yeah, of course," Iruka answers, not even caring about what or where it could be. Their hands are still locked together against Kakashi's thigh, and he gives him a little squeeze.

Kakashi drives in a direction Iruka isn't totally familiar with. It's about 4:30am and still dark, and it only gets darker as they drive further out of the city - the constant lights of the nightlife no longer illuminating the sky.

It's about a 45 minute drive before Kakashi pulls off the highway and begins to slow. Iruka looks out the window and takes in the quiet small area. It's clear the tiny old homes scattered around were all there way before the road was. They stick out awkwardly against the cement walls and beams holding up the winding highway that cuts through their yards.

They continue to drive down a desolate road that's dark with no street lamps. The road itself is bumpy from unmaintained potholes and the grass grows high on each side of the street. Kakashi stops when they pull up next to an old simple single story home. There's no driveway or garage for him to pull into, so he parks in the street. There is a chain link fence around the yard with multiple signs reading _No Trespassing_ and _Beware of Dog_.

Kakashi turns off the car and steps out with Iruka following behind. He leads them past the fence and up to the front door.

"Is this your house?" Iruka asks quietly in the night air, finally catching on. It would at least explain why Kakashi is always late. Iruka had no idea he lived close to an hour away from his apartment.

"Mhm," Kakashi answers simply as he fumbles with his keys to open the front door.

Iruka looks around him as he stands on the porch. It's a nice house. Quaint. It would be a lot nicer if the big highway wasn't so close to it. Iruka can tell once upon a time it must have been nice to live here - until the state bought most of the land and built on top of it. The hum of the cars on the highway is audible even once they step inside.

It doesn't matter though - because once inside quickly the only noise becomes the sound of paws scratching on hardwood as a pack of dogs rush up to the door to greet them.

"Aww!" Iruka can't help but squeal. He lets them clamor at his feet and tries to pet as many heads as possible while they all wiggle with excited tail wags.

"Ok," Kakashi clicks his tongue and they all fall in line. "Be good. We have a guest."

Kakashi walks further into the house with them all trailing behind him, and Iruka takes a second to look around. It's a nice house on the inside too. Plain, but nice. Iruka can tell it's clean, almost meticulously so. The living room is almost bare - just a couch sitting in front of a fireplace, a coffee table, and an end table with a lamp. There are shelves filled with books on either side of the fireplace. Kakashi walks into the kitchen and grabs a jar off the top of the refrigerator. The kitchen isn't much bigger than Iruka's, and the appliances are much more out of date, but there's more counter space at least.

Kakashi gives each pup a treat from the jar and then places it back on the fridge.

Iruka watches them all with a smile on his face. He counts their heads. "Kakashi I can't believe you have six dogs."

"Eight," Kakashi corrects. "Bull is on the couch and I can guarantee Pakkun is sleeping on my bed right now. He'll get up once he realizes everyone got treats except for him."

Iruka inclines his head back over to the couch, and sure enough a massive black bulldog is taking up most of the space on it.

"Wow," he murmurs. "That's kind of amazing."

Kakashi shrugs. "You don't volunteer at an animal shelter without taking a couple home yourself."

"I can see that," Iruka chuckles. He looks back at Kakashi and just takes in the image of him standing in the tiny humble kitchen - feels his stomach flip at the sight. The casual ease of it is overwhelmingly _sweet._

Kakashi ducks his head under his gaze. "Sorry, I know it's late. I just wanted to stop in and let them out."

"It's no problem," Iruka says as he tags along. He doesn't miss Kakashi's sudden bashfulness, although he can't figure out the cause of it. "I like your house."

"Thanks," Kakashi mumbles as he ushers the dogs out the back door into the yard.

He flicks on a flood light to illuminate the outside, since it's still dark in the early AM hours. It's a decent size yard with a well kept lawn. The chain link fence acts as a boundary, and the cement wall around the highway is visible just beyond it. Tucked in the back corner is a small wooden structure, almost like a little house, with chicken wire around it. There are two chickens plucking around in the grass.

"Chickens!!" Iruka gushes in surprise. "Can I see them?"

Kakashi gives him an amused look. "I mean, if you want?"

He walks over to the coop with Kakashi in tow, and kneels down to get on the same level as the pudgy little birds. He puts his fingers through the chicken wire and makes little _psst psst psst_ sounds at them.

"They're not cats Iruka," Kakashi snorts.

"Shut up," Iruka says back. "They're cute!"

"That's Karikari," Kakashi points to the white one with brown spots all over her feathers. "That one in the back is Ageta."

Ageta is an all black chicken, and she keeps her distance from Iruka's prying fingers as she pecks at the ground.

"It's so cool that you have a chicken coop," Iruka says before standing back up straight again.

"If you say so," Kakashi says with a small smile.

"It is!" Iruka insists. "I bet it's nice not to have to buy eggs."

"You never buy eggs anyway," Kakashi points out. 

"Well, now I definitely won't cause I can just get them from you," Iruka says, and he turns to face Kakashi with a playful little twist of his hips. He takes his hands in his own and presses in close to him, plants a tiny kiss on his lips.

Kakashi licks his lips as he pulls away, like he's savoring the taste. 

"Using me for my chickens I see," he jokes.

"Maybe," Iruka says slyly, then slides a hand down his torso - stops short right above the waistline of his sweatpants. "Chicken, cock, whatever you wanna call it."

Kakashi smiles against his lips as he goes in for another kiss. It's nice - standing outside under the early morning sky kissing. The tiredness Iruka felt earlier melts away as he gets wrapped up in the moment. He pushes his body flush against Kakashi and slides his tongue into his mouth. 

"You know," Iruka murmurs when they pull apart. "You haven't shown me your bedroom yet."

Kakashi hums. "I guess I haven't."

"Well," Iruka wraps his arms around his neck and gives him a tiny lick on his plump bottom lip. "Are you gonna change that?"

Kakashi groans and moves his hands to slide under Iruka's ass. Iruka takes the hint as the man lifts, and he kicks his legs up to get them around Kakashi's wasit. They both grunt as the new position pushes their cocks together. Iruka doesn't stop himself from squirming against Kakashi's front, and immediately starts kissing him again.

Kakashi kisses him back - gets more feverish with it - and fumbles as he tries to walk back into the house with his tongue shoved down Iruka's throat.

"Kakashi," Iruka gasps as he grips the man's face and grinds against him. "The dogs."

"They'll be fine," Kakashi bites at his lips as he speaks, and kicks the door open. Once inside Iruka's back is pressed against the wall and Kakashi keeps his hold on him - rocks his hips into Iruka's as Iruka locks his legs around his waist tighter and moves with him.

_"Ah-"_ Iruka gasps around a kiss. Kakashi grips him hard, his fingers digging into his ass as he holds him up. His cock drags along his own with every sensual grind of his hips - mimicking fucking into Iruka if it weren't for the fabric of their sweatpants being in the way.

Iruka gets his hands in his hair and drags his nails across his scalp with a rough tug, making Kakashi gasp. The other man moves his hips faster, and rocks into Iruka with more pressure - keeps it going at a tantalizing pace until the rough fabric between them starts to become too irritating.

"Kakashi," he says again, and Kakashi won't even let him speak - just keeps kissing him, not phased by his moving lips. Iruka groans into it, the frenzy of his own desire spurred on even more by Kakashi insistent hunger.

Kakashi kneads his ass as he pushes into him. Neither of them want to stop, but it isn't enough - it's not enough and _too_ much at the same time. Too much clothing, too much desperation. Iruka needs him _now._

Iruka uses his hands in Kakashi's hair to force his head back, breaking their kiss. Kakashi pulls back with a gasp, his throat now exposed to Iruka. Iruka takes the invitation to lick up the curve of his neck, then sucks a mark under his jaw.

_"Iruka,"_ Kakashi says, breathless.

Iruka grips his hair tighter. "Take me to your bedroom."

Kakashi honest to god _whimpers_ and it is so fucking incredible that Iruka would _kill_ to hear that noise again for the rest of his life. He gets dropped from Kakashi's grip, and the man gives him one last kiss before pulling away completely.

"Wait here a sec, ok?" Kakashi asks him, panting heavily.

Iruka nods and licks his lips. Kakashi's eyes drop to the movement, and they continue to wander lower. He takes in Iruka's whole disheveled appearance and groans again before forcing himself to back away. "I'll be right back. Please don't leave."

Iruka laughs. "You drove me here. I can't leave."

"Right, yes, duh," Kakashi says to himself in a rush as he takes a few steps backwards. He finally turns completely, like it's hard for him to even do so, and heads through the house until Iruka can no longer see him.

Iruka smiles stupidly to himself as he straightens up off the wall, completely and utterly head over heels for the man who's kitchen he currently stands in. He peeks out the window - sees the dogs outside mingling in the yard, looking happy and content on their own - and then walks back into the living room. The bulldog is still lounging on the couch and Iruka tentatively places a hand on his head. 

"You're a big boy, huh?" Iruka says out loud to him as he scratches behind his ears. The dog grumbles a bit in his sleep, but otherwise does nothing.

Iruka moves over to the bookshelves. They really seem to be the only material possessions in the home, at least in the main part of the home. There are no photos hanging on the walls or knick knacks on the mantel or anything else. It weirdly suits Kakashi. He is somehow the most interesting man Iruka has ever met while still being so _ordinary_ at the same time. Iruka can't wrap his mind around it.

He lightly grazes his fingers over the spines of the books and tries to see if there are any titles he recognizes. He stops when he sees a yellow spine that reads _Make-out Paradise_ in gaudy pink font. Iruka pulls the book out and laughs to himself at the god awful cover. It's a freaking romance novel. Kakashi reads _romance novels._

"What the hell," he mumbles with a chuckle as he places it back on the shelf.

He moves further down, keeps eyeing the titles til his fingers hit something that isn't a book. At the end of the shelf are multiple VHS tapes. There are about 6 of them, all unlabeled. Iruka pulls one off the shelf, but there is nothing on it that identifies what it could be. It is sitting in a blank jacket that is faded yellow with dirt and age.

"Sorry, been awhile since I had anybody over and Pakkun isn't used to sharing the bed," Kakashi comes walking into the room with the aforementioned pug in his arms.

"You have VHS tapes," Iruka looks at him as he walks in. He holds the tape in his hand up with a smile. "I haven't seen one of these in years."

"Oh yeah," Kakashi says, like he forgot about them himself. He places the pug down on the ground, and the dog trots over to the couch. He jumps up right on top of Bull, and makes himself comfortable on the larger dog's back. 

"What are they?" Iruka asks, as he places the one back and eyes the others. "None of them are labeled."

Kakashi approaches him with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. He offers a little shrug. "They belong to a friend."

"You haven't watched them?" Iruka asks with a raised brow.

Kakashi clears his throat, suddenly looking a little apprehensive. "I haven't."

Iruka smirks. "What, are they, like, sex tapes or something?"

"No," Kakashi says seriously. "He was my best friend growing up. He wanted to be a director. Carried a dumb video camera with him everywhere. It's probably just stupid footage of us to be honest."

Iruka's grin widens. "No way! I want to see! You don't have a VHS player, do you?"

Kakashi shakes his head. "You don't want to see, trust me."

"How can you know if you've never watched them!" Iruka pushes. He leans into Kakashi and gets his arms around his waist. "I want to see you as a kid."

"I was a brat," Kakashi says as he welcomes Iruka's embrace.

"I doubt that," Iruka says back, and gives him a tiny kiss on the lips. "Why do you have them anyway? Your friend didn't want to hold onto them?"

"He died when we were teenagers," Kakashi answers flatly.

"Oh," Iruka says, taken by surprise. He isn't sure what to say to that. 

Kakashi shrugs. "Honestly they just take up space. I should get rid of them."

Iruka wonders how Kakashi could complain about lack of space when there is hardly anything in his house to begin with. "You don't think it's nice he left some memories with you? Maybe you should watch them first."

"They aren't really from a time in my life I want to remember," Kakashi answers, and he sounds a bit cold as he says it.

Iruka pulls away from him, thrown off by Kakashi's lack of sensitivity towards his deceased friend. "Don't you think his memory is important?"

"I was there when he filmed them. I don't need to see it again," Kakashi says. 

"Well, I think it's kind of sweet," Iruka says, and runs his fingers over the spines of their jackets once more. "He wanted something to remember you. That's nice."

Kakashi sighs. "He wanted to remember Rin, not me. But they're together now, so it's fine."

"What do you mean?" Iruka can tell Kakashi is agitated, but he urges him to continue anyway. 

"Our friend Rin," Kakashi clarifies. He looks over to the VHS tapes and pulls one out himself - just holds it in his hands. "He was in love with her. She's gone now, too."

The pain in his voice is palpable, and Iruka can read between the lines - can sense the different layers of hurt there - the sorrow, the loss, the betrayal, the heartache.

"You loved him," he ventures.

"It was just a dumb teenage crush," Kakashi says.

"Still," Iruka can only imagine. It must have been hard. Iruka remembers the words Kakashi spoke to Naruto - how the bond with friends can be more than the one with family. "He was your family."

Kakashi jerks his head in a tiny nod. "When my dad died, Obito found me."

Iruka takes the VHS out of Kakashi's hands, places it back on the shelf, then grips his palm in his own. "It's good you had him."

"It was," Kakashi agrees. His voice is soft and low. 

Iruka clears his throat, finally finding the words he wanted to say earlier. "Kakashi, um, thank you, again, for helping with Naruto."

Kakashi shrugs. "It was nothing."

"It wasn't though," Iruka emphasizes. "Sometimes, with Naruto, I see so much of myself in him that I don't know how to talk to him. I just think about how I felt as a child and how-"

He cuts himself off, not sure how to word it. _How he still feels hopeless?_ The thought is too embarrassing to admit.

"It never really leaves you, does it?" Kakashi finishes for him - and that's right. Kakashi knows. He's been there too.

"Yes," Iruka answers. "It never really does."

They just stare at each other for a minute before Kakashi uses the grip he has on Iruka's hand to tug him forward. "C'mon."

Iruka follows, and is led into what he figures is Kakashi's bedroom. It is equally as bare as the rest of the house, the most notable feature in the room being the massive bed that takes up most of the space.

"Wow," Iruka stares in wonder. 

"California king," Kakashi says, already knowing what Iruka is thinking. "My most prized possession."

That makes Iruka laugh. "Your bed is your most prized possession?"

Kakashi looks at him like he shouldn’t even have to explain. "I have eight dogs, Iruka."

"Oh my god they all sleep with you don't they?" Iruka groans at the realization.

"Don't worry, I switched the sheets," Kakashi mumbles. "Honestly it's mostly for them. I hardly sleep at all."

The idea of Kakashi rushing in his room just to get clean sheets on the bed before inviting Iruka in is too funny. Too _adorable_ actually. Like Iruka would even care.

"Aw," Iruka gives Kakashi a playful coy smile. "You changed your dirty dog sheets for me? What a gentleman."

"I try," Kakashi chuckles, and leans in to kiss him.

Iruka kisses back, and his body responds quickly - still having residual pent up arousal from earlier. He glides his hands over Kakashi's chest as he pushes his tongue into his mouth, and cups his pectorals to thumb his nipples through his t-shirt.

Kakashi welcomes him easily, deepens the kiss and slides his tongue against Iruka's. It's not long before his hands find their place back at Iruka's ass, and he wastes no time slipping them under the waistband to get skin on skin. Iruka groans as Kakashi kneads the flesh, pulls his cheeks apart and spreads him open.

"Wanna fuck you," he breathes into Iruka's mouth. _"God,_ Iruka, please-"

"Yes," Iruka answers eagerly, already panting heavily as he moves with Kakashi, pushing back into his hands and then forward to feel his cock.

Kakashi lifts him up again as Iruka obediently puts his legs back around his waist. Then he walks him the short distance to the bed and throws him down. Iruka bounces on the soft surface, and instantly sinks back into it.

_"Holy shit,"_ he moans.

"What?" Kakashi asks as he slides a knee on the bed, crawling up after Iruka. "I didn't do anything yet."

Iruka picks his head up to glare at him. "Not _you._ The _bed."_

Iruka spreads his arms out. It is without a doubt the most comfortable surface he has ever laid on. It's like a cloud - soft and fluffy, but not too soft. Perfect is an understatement.

Kakashi lays on top of him - starts kissing along his jaw and neck. He breathes against the skin there as he speaks, "glad you like it."

"I'm never leaving," Iruka says as he squirms under Kakashi's touch - uncaring of the heavy implications behind the words. He tugs at Kakashi's shirt, and forces the man to break away as it comes over his head.

When Kakashi's head comes back into view, his hair messy and sticking up all over, he smirks at Iruka. "You gotta fight the dogs for it."

Iruka can't help but ruffle his already wild hair - relishes in the deep red blush that rises on Kakashi's cheeks. "There's room for them. They just gotta wait for me to get done with you first."

"You wanna sleep with my smelly dogs?" Kakashi says as he sits up. Iruka reluctantly drops his hand as Kakashi towers over him - and the other man glides his hands up Iruka's shirt, teasing him with a light touch as he pushes it upwards.

"I wanna sleep with you," Iruka answers back - quick and breathless without a second thought. He shivers as Kakashi's fingers delicately skim his skin, barely grazing each nipple as they pass - it's so, so, so, close to being enough of a touch, but it _isn't_ \- and it drives Iruka mad.

Iruka raises his hips in an involuntary grind, seeking for anything to give him any type of satisfaction, but Kakashi is staying _just_ out of reach. His arms lift up at Kakashi's guidance, and his shirt is quickly pulled over his head and discarded.

"We can arrange that," Kakashi says, his voice low and sultry. The suggestive promise lacing the words makes Iruka shudder, and there is nothing else he can do but gasp as Kakashi removes the rest of his clothing.

Kakashi removes his own pants next, and soon their bodies are once again pressed flush together - sending shockwaves against Iruka's skin.

Iruka doesn't know what it is, but he thinks maybe he must be delirious from lack of sleep, because everything feels ten times more intense then usual - like he is suddenly hyper sensitive. Everywhere their bodies meet is on fire, burning with a desire to be touched and explored, and aching with the need for _more, more, more_.

Iruka spreads his legs wider, welcomes Kakashi against him closer, and meets his hips in a thrust. Their cocks slide together, and there's too much friction - almost painfully so - but Iruka doesn't care, he doesn't want to stop, doesn't think he can stop.

Kakashi is the first to pull away, and he reaches into his bedside table to pull out some lube. Iruka eagerly waits as Kakashi slicks his fingers, then quickly presses two inside of him. Iruka throws his head back with a gasp, and lifts himself up on his elbows to meet Kakashi's hand. He grinds his hips in shallow circles as Kakashi fucks him deep, locks his fingers inside him and grinds the pads of them insistent against his prostate.

"Oh fuck," Iruka moans with a shaky breath. He's so keyed up right now. He thinks he might come any second - can feel it so close right there on the edge.

Kakashi removes his fingers, and Iruka barely has time to register the loss, barely is able to recover from just being on the edge and so, so close, that when Kakashi slicks up his cock and pushes into him it just about knocks all the air out of his lungs.

_"A-ah!"_ He gasps as Kakashi stretches him quick and sudden. It's too much, too overwhelming, and Kakashi is just reaching his hilt when he can't stop his body from shaking, convulsing around his cock and coming.

_"Holy shit,"_ Kakashi says in complete astonishment - voice strained as Iruka's body clenches painfully around him. "Iruka, already?"

_"Shut up,"_ Iruka growls as his orgasm rocks through him. He grips Kakashi's shoulders tight as his legs continue to quake and come spills onto his stomach. He drops his head back and breathes heavy through his nose as he tries to calm his body down.

"No," Kakashi says with a fond smile, and rolls his hips in a tiny experimental thrust, which gets another choked moan out of Iruka. He leans down to kiss Iruka's cheek, then follows a path down to his ear and whispers, "I love your hair-trigger. Love how easy you come on my cock. Fucking incredible, _god,_ Iruka you don't even know."

Iruka whimpers, still too impaired by his sudden orgasm to speak.

"Someday I'll make you wait though," Kakashi keeps speaking in that dangerously sexy voice of his, and emphasizes his words with another grind of his hips. His cock pulses inside Iruka, and Iruka keeps clenching down on him as his body continues to shudder through waves of pleasure. "Won't let you come til I'm done with you. Spread you open on my cock and get you all hard and aching for it. Keep fucking you just to see how long you can last."

_"Kakashi,"_ Iruka gasps out - the words being far too much for him to bear. His stomach flexes as another wave rocks through him.

Kakashi takes mercy on him, lets him recover for a moment longer until he slowly pulls himself most of the way out - stays there and just waits.

Iruka doesn't even remember closing his eyes, but he flutters them open to look up at the other man, and the sight alone makes his breath catch in his throat once more. Kakashi looks absolutely wrecked, face flushed pink and chest heaving with a thin sheen of sweat. He looks down at Iruka in awe, with wide expectant eyes - just waiting for Iruka's go ahead - and his arms shake ever so slightly from holding up his body weight. His stomach clenches as he forces himself to stay still, and his mouth is slack as he pants almost silently.

"Kakashi," Iruka says again, feeling positively crazed by all the different sensations hitting him at once. Kakashi inside him, looking down at him like that - his hard body at his front while his own body sinks into the softness at his back. He feels like he is drowning. He grabs Kakashi by his hair, tugs him down in a bruising aggressive kiss, demands against his mouth, _"fuck me."_

Kakashi slams back into him at his request, and starts fucking him with quick jerks of his hips. Iruka keeps his grip in his hair, forces Kakashi to stay pressed flush against his front so he can feel every inch of him as he thrusts in and out, so he can feel his chest against his own and his cock trapped between their stomachs.

Kakashi is frantic with it as well. He pants open mouthed against Iruka's cheek, rolls his hips and tries to get a good rhythm, ends up faltering and just hammering into him - desperate and fast.

_"Yes, Kakashi,"_ Iruka moans. He tries his best in their close proximity to incline his hips to meet him, and ends up just resorting to wrapping his ankles behind his back. He grips Kakashi's waist tight with his thighs and tugs roughly at his hair. Kakashi groans over him and picks up his pace, getting more aggressive with each thrust. 

_"Oh fuck,"_ Iruka gasps - stunned. " _Kakashi_ , fuck yes, just like that. _Yes!_ "

"Yeah?" Kakashi pants out, the pure rapture in his voice apparent even through his exertion.

_"God yes,"_ Iruka says as his breath continues to get knocked out of him with each thrust. Iruka usually doesn't talk much during sex - usually prefers to let the other man know of his pleasure through moans and gasps and the occasional curse here or there - but now he can't stop, can't help the words that spill out of his mouth. "So fucking good _Kakashi_ god fuck me _a-ah don't stop_ yes _yes!"_

_"Iruka,"_ Kakashi gasps back, slams into him a few more times before he has to stop - switches to fucking him with a slow agonizing torturous grind of his hips - rocks into Iruka so his cock fills him impossibly deep.

Iruka grips his hair tightly with a startled gasp. The slow deep pace shockingly different compared to the quick fucking from earlier. He forces Kakashi's head back so he can look at his face - and Kakashi looks fucking amazing over him like this - intense focus battling with euphoria in his expression, like he wants to give into it so badly but is determined to keep going - doesn't want to stop fucking Iruka even as his breath hitches and his hips keep stuttering, failing to keep a steady rhythm.

_"Oh,"_ Iruka moans, voice shaky as he speaks, and holds the other man's gaze as he fucks him. _"Oh fuck_ Kakashi- you're amazing so fucking amazing _ah I- ah holy shit."_

_"Iruka_ I- I-" Kakashi struggles to gasp out.

_"Yes,_ Kakashi, I got you, I got you," Iruka coaxes it out of him, strokes at the sides of his face and pushes back his sweaty bangs. "C'mon, fuck me, come for me, _Kakashi-"_

Kakashi drops his head back down, and rests his forehead on Iruka's chest while he goes back to pounding into him with frenzied thrusts. Iruka keeps his fists in his hair, holds Kakashi tight as the other man moans into his skin and comes. Iruka rocks up to meet his hips, chasing the feel of Kakashi's cock emptying inside of him, and comes directly after.

Kakashi stays on top of him as he recovers, and Iruka gently slides his fingers through his hair and down over his back in soothing strokes. He savors the still moment between them and lets his eyes slip closed. The bed is so comfortable. _Kakashi_ is so comfortable. He feels completely and utterly worn out but so full of bliss at the same time. The feeling is so bizarre that he can't help when he starts to laugh, seemingly for no reason at all.

Kakashi picks his head up. He looks at Iruka with a quizzical gaze. "What?"

Iruka smiles at him, takes in his appearance - his messy hair, his flushed face, his lips parted. Iruka cups his face with his hands, and grazes his bottom lip with his thumb.

"Nothing," he laughs again, because he really doesn't even know.

Kakashi bites his thumb playfully, and returns the smile. They don't do anything else except stare at each other for another long moment. 

There is something about being in Kakashi's house, in his bed, with the rising sun spilling in through the windows that makes everything feel unreal, like a dream. Iruka doesn’t want to wake up. Kakashi kisses him one more time, before eventually moving, and he pulls himself out and off of Iruka before falling on the bed next to him.

He breathes heavy next to Iruka for another few moments before speaking again. "Gotta let the dogs in. Pakkun is probably pissed."

Iruka smiles, still not moving and letting his eyes flutter shut again. "Is Pakkun gonna let me stay here for a little while? I don't think I can move."

Kakashi pushes himself up. "He'll survive."

Iruka cracks his eyes open to peek at Kakashi just in time to see the other man bend over to grab his boxers.

"You don't mind?" Kakashi asks. "If I bring in the dogs?"

Iruka laughs. "No, Kakashi I don't mind."

Kakashi points at him. "Remember that in the next 15 minutes because I'm not gonna ask again."

Iruka shakes his head at him, not understanding the big deal. Kakashi leaves the room, and comes back a few minutes later with a damp cloth and eight freaking dogs.

Kakashi tosses him the cloth, then flops onto bed and lays down next to Iruka, who sits up to clean himself.

"Up," he says with a click of his tongue, and the dogs all jump up and make themselves comfortable, quick like following a routine.

The pug Iruka now knows as Pakkun stands on the sheets and stares at Iruka. His eyes are big and dark and Iruka feels as if he can see straight through his soul.

"Um," Iruka says dumbly, feeling stupidly uneasy under the dog's gaze.

Kakashi takes the cloth from him when he's done, tosses it to the side. "You're in his spot."

"Seriously?" Iruka asks. The dog doesn't back down, keeps staring at him.

"Mhm," Kakashi says, and then scoops the pug up. "Pakkun, be nice."

He presses a kiss against the pup's ear, and Iruka practically melts. 

"Pakkun," Iruka says softly, and reaches out a hand to let the dog sniff him. Pakkun does, and then just lets out a gruff snort. Kakashi puts him back on the bed and he curls up directly in between them.

Iruka looks to Kakashi to confirm if he did ok, and he simply throws him a thumbs up. "Hey, he didn't bite you."

Iruka rolls his eyes. Another dog lays on his outstretched legs, and Iruka pets his head. "Who is this?"

"Biscuit," Kakashi answers. There are three other dogs immediately surrounding him, and two more at their feet. Bull takes up a lot of room at the foot of the bed, but Kakashi angles his legs just so, to avoid kicking him. The massive bed suddenly seems very small, and _yeah_ , Iruka gets it now.

"Biscuit," Iruka coos, and the dog rolls over as Iruka scratches his belly. "I can't believe you sleep like this."

"Well, it wouldn't be fair to just let some of them on the bed, so," Kakashi tries to defend himself.

Biscuit apparently is easier to please than Pakkun, because he quickly cozies up to Iruka. Iruka wraps him up in his arms and cuddles him against his chest. He plays with the pads of the dog's paws, and they sit in silence.

A long moment passes before Kakashi speaks again.

"I really don't remember," he says suddenly out of the blue.

Iruka turns to look at him. "What?"

"I mean, what you asked me earlier," Kakashi says, and he gestures vaguely to his tattoo with a small shrug of his shoulder. "I think maybe I was 12 or 13."

"Oh," Iruka says, dumbfounded. He isn't totally sure how to respond - thrown off by the sudden conversation. "That's pretty young. For a tattoo."

"Obito did it," Kakashi says, and there is a small smile on his face. "With a needle and some ink. We wanted something to prove we were blood brothers. I didn't even know what he was drawing. I don't think he did either, to be honest."

"That's a lot of trust," Iruka points out.

"Yeah," Kakashi says. "Guess that's the kinda shit you do when you don't have any parents."

"Was Obito in the system too?" Iruka asks. The foster care system, like Iruka.

"No," Kakashi answers. "Neither of us were."

Iruka furrows his brow at that, not sure how that is even possible.

"When my dad died I ran. That's when me and Obito found each other," Kakashi explains in his usual casual tone. The sensitivity of the conversation doesn't seem to affect him at all.

_Oh. Runways._

"I thought about that too," Iruka says softly. "Running, that is."

"Hm?" Kakashi inquires for him to continue.

"Every time I got put with a new family I thought, maybe I should just run," Iruka says. "Like maybe it would be better off."

To Iruka's surprise, Kakashi smiles.

"What?" He asks, a little offended.

"Nothing," Kakashi chuckles. "It's just that Naruto did that same exact thing like...not even 4 hours ago."

Iruka smacks his palm to his forehead when he makes the connection. "Oh god, you're right. What am I gonna do with him?"

“I wouldn’t worry about him,” Kakashi says, and reaches a hand over to give him a comforting pat on the thigh. "He had someone to run to. That's important. You're good for him."

"I guess," Iruka sighs. He wishes he could do more. "What made you run? You never got put in the system at all?"

Kakashi stays silent. Iruka almost thinks he isn't going to answer.

"Didn't get a chance to," Kakashi says after a second. "My mom died when I was still young. Then, when my dad died. There was no reason to stay."

Iruka keeps Biscuit close to his chest as he lays back down, and sinks into the soft mattress of the bed. Kakashi stretches his arm out to pull him close, and Iruka awkwardly gets pressed into his side - Pakkun stuffed between them and Biscuit still in his arms. It's a little silly, and very crowded, but Iruka doesn't mind. He nuzzles into the warmth. It must be close to 7am by now. Iruka fights back a yawn.

"You can go to sleep, if you want," Kakashi says. "I have no plans. If you want to stay here a little longer."

"No," Iruka mumbles even though his eyes have already slipped shut. He really doesn't want to fall asleep on Kakashi. "If I sleep now my whole schedule will be off."

Iruka can feel Kakashi's body shake slightly as he chuckles. "Whatever you say."

"You gotta keep me up," Iruka cozies up more into his side. Biscuit squirms. Pakkun grunts.

"I can think of a few ways to keep you awake," Kakashi says playfully, the implications clear.

"Not while the dogs are in the bed," Iruka scowls. "That's a rule now, ok? No fucking with the dogs in the bed."

"Ok, ok," Kakashi agrees. "That's fair."

Iruka yawns again. "Tell me something."

"Hm," Kakashi hums, amused. "Like what?"

Iruka shrugs. "I dunno. What was it like? Running away?"

"Scary sometimes," Kakashi says seriously. "We didn't know what we were doing."

Iruka can only imagine.

"But," Kakashi continues. "I had Obito with me, and then we found Rin, too. It wasn't so bad, sometimes."

Iruka swallows the lump in his throat and dares to ask, "what were they like?"

Kakashi takes his time to answer again. "Obito was fucking annoying. Just the worst."

Iruka can't help but smile at the fond tone contrasting his words.

"Him and his video camera," Kakashi recalls. "I hated it so much. It was such a pain to lug around."

"Why was he so attached to it?" Iruka asks, feeling fond himself as he listens to Kakashi speak. His voice is deep and soothing.

"He thought he could be famous," Kakashi answers. "He wanted to put out a documentary about living on the streets. Get rich. It was silly."

Iruka doesn't think it's silly. People don't know what it's like for kids to grow up without a family. A documentary showing the harsh reality of homeless youth could change that. Iruka admires that dream.

"I think that's cool," Iruka decides to say out loud. 

He feels Kakashi shrug. "Maybe. He got crushed on some train tracks though, so it never happened."

Iruka gasps in his curled up position beside Kakashi, completely appalled by the lackadaisical statement. The way Kakashi just says it like that is so jarring - scary even. The boy he was in love with. Crushed on some train tracks. That's it. End of story. 

"What?" Iruka says in shock.

"We pretty much only got around by hopping trains," Kakashi explains just as easily, as if it was to be expected. 

Iruka can't believe what he is hearing. _Crushed?_

"And when he died Rin still wouldn't let me get rid of his camera, or the tapes," Kakashi goes on to say. 

"Did she love him back?" Iruka asks - head still whirling from his shock.

"Hm," Kakashi thinks. "I think so. He died before he got a chance to tell her though."

Iruka bites at his lip. "What about you? Did you tell him?"

"I didn't," Kakashi says, voice more somber. "He was so in love with her…"

His words trail off. Iruka thinks he understands what he was going to say anyway. "Do you regret it?"

"I don't think it would have changed anything," Kakashi says without missing a beat, like maybe it's something he has thought to himself many times before. 

Iruka wonders if he'll regret this later - laying in Kakashi's bed, just waiting, aching with the desire to ask the other man _what are we_ , and choosing to stay silent. Iruka picks his head up, places Biscuit down, and pushes his weight up with one arm to lean over Kakashi.

"Kakashi-" he starts to say.

"Iruka," Kakashi cuts him off. He reaches a hand up and tugs at Iruka's ponytail. "You're wearing one of the ties I got you."

"Huh?" Iruka almost forgot. "Oh yeah. I couldn't find any of my regular ones."

Kakashi's smile spreads and he gives his hair one more tug. "Pink suits you."

"Shut up," Iruka playfully smacks his hand away.

Kakashi lets his hand drop, but keeps his gaze locked on Iruka. His eyes are unwavering, and the stare intimidates Iruka back into silence. Even after everything, Iruka still can't tell what Kakashi is thinking.

"C'mere," Kakashi says finally, and they shift around all the dogs awkwardly so Iruka can rest against Kakashi's chest. Kakashi puts an arm around him and holds him close. "Are you still tired?"

"A little," Iruka snuggles into his side, the dull nagging he feels still present in his chest. 

"Sleep," Kakashi tells him. "I'll wake you up."

"How are you not tired?" Iruka asks - Kakashi's heartbeat steady in his ear as he lays his head on the other man's chest.

"I'm used to not sleeping," Kakashi answers. "The bed really is mostly for the dogs."

"Spoiled," Iruka mumbles around a sleepy smile, and he feels more than hears Kakashi's laugh before falling to sleep.

* * *

When Iruka wakes up, it's dark.

"Kakashi!" He sits up with a start. His feet are smushed underneath Bull and Biscuit is on his lap. Pakkun is curled up on the pillow next to his head. "What time is it?!"

Kakashi stirs in the bed next to him. "Shit. Sorry-"

Iruka doesn't even know where his phone is. He may have left it back at his apartment, he has no idea. He leans over Kakashi to grab the other man's phone from his nightstand. Kakashi doesn't have a passcode. 7pm. There's a picture of Pakkun on his home screen.

"Oh my god we slept for like 12 hours!" Iruka groans, and Kakashi grunts as Iruka throws the phone down on his chest. "You said you'd wake me up!"

"I fell asleep," Kakashi grumbles, and wipes at his eyes - looking equally as disoriented as Iruka.

"I have to be at work in the morning. I'm never gonna get back to sleep now, ugh," Iruka complains. 

Kakashi smirks and tugs Iruka back down by his waist. "Well, since you're up-"

Iruka squirms in his grip, and scolds him - agitated. "What did I say, Kakashi? What's the rule?"

Kakashi pouts and releases his hold. "Not while the dogs are in the bed."

"That's right," he affirms. "Plus I'm mad at you right now."

"I'm sorry," Kakashi says genuinely. "I really didn't think I'd fall asleep."

"It's fine." Iruka slumps back against his side. "You're always ruining my sleep schedule."

"You're ruining mine," Kakashi laughs.

Iruka huffs. "How?"

"I've never slept better in my life," Kakashi answers, while he wraps his arms back around Iruka. The statement takes Iruka by surprise - makes him pause abruptly. "It's really weird, to be honest."

"What?" Iruka asks. He shifts so he can look at Kakashi's face, and sits back up.

Kakashi follows him with a shrug - averts his eyes, like he's ashamed of what he said suddenly. "I don't usually sleep, like ever, but- with you I-"

He cuts himself off. Iruka flicks his eyes over his face, trying to read his expression.

"Kakashi," Iruka questions him softly.

Kakashi lets go of him once more, shying away. He won't meet Iruka's eyes. "Listen, Iruka-"

Iruka stays silent, but looks at Kakashi expectantly.

"The way you looked at me," Kakashi says, voice quiet - almost distant. "When you- when you didn't know who I was."

It takes Iruka a second to realize what he's talking about. The time at the dojo. "Kakashi it wasn't you-"

"No, I know," Kakashi assures him. "But, when Rin died. Her eyes looked like yours."

Iruka's stomach drops. Kakashi finally meets his gaze, and his own eyes look different - holding an intensity that Iruka has never seen before.

"I can't stop thinking about it," he says, and Iruka can hear in his voice how it haunts him. "For a long time. I couldn't sleep. I just kept seeing her. And then you-"

Iruka feels sick thinking that he has made Kakashi relive this. He is about to apologize when Kakashi keeps speaking.

"I made a promise to Obito I would protect her and I fucked that up," Kakashi berates himself. He drops his eyes again - stares at the sheets. "And you looked so afraid. It was like it was happening all over again."

Iruka's throat is tight. On reflex he grabs Kakashi - pulls him close against him in a crushing hug. "I'm here. I'm not afraid."

Kakashi's body is tense in Iruka's grip. Iruka refuses to let that stop him. He needs Kakashi to know that _it wasn't him._

"Whatever happened with Rin," Iruka tries to keep his voice even as he speaks. "It's not your fault and what happened with me wasn't your fault either."

"She OD'd," and Kakashi's voice is back to it's usual flat tone. Scary as he recalls another one of his friend's deaths. "I did everything I could to get her to breathe again, but nothing worked. Her eyes were still open. She looked at me- like she knew- like she knew she was dying- and she was afraid."

Tears fall from Iruka's eyes, but he ignores them. He just holds Kakashi tighter.

"That's not your fault," Iruka repeats.

Kakashi pulls away. "I was the one who gave her the heroin."

Iruka doesn't really register what Kakashi is saying. "You-?"

"In the beginning, we just sold to get by," Kakashi says, his voice distant again. "But after Obito-"

Iruka thinks about Kakashi's absence, his elusiveness - he can't help but let his eyes glance down his body, to his arms.

"I'm clean now," Kakashi says, not missing the movement. He sounds tired, like he's used to people doubting him.

Iruka grabs his hand, and kicks himself mentally for the lapse of judgement - his lack of trust. "I know. I believe you."

"I regret that more than anything," Kakashi says in a strained voice. "I would give up _everything_ if it meant I never got us hooked and she still was alive."

He looks down at his hands. "I can still feel her. The way her body just went limp. There and then all the sudden _not._ And everytime I look in the mirror I see her and I see _Obito_ telling me I fucked up and couldn't even keep one simple promise and I don't deserve-"

He stops talking abruptly, drops his head down to hide his face from Iruka.

Iruka reaches out to him - gently tips his head up again - cups his face with his hand and strokes his cheek. _We both have scars of memories we can't forget._

"Whatever you think you don't deserve you're wrong," Iruka tells him. His thumb grazes the edge of his scar that rests just above the corner of his mouth. "This is not the mark of failure."

Kakashi's eyes flutter shut as he leans into Iruka's delicate touch.

"I tried," his voice breaks ever so slightly when he speaks again. "I tried to do it myself. OD. I thought. Maybe this time. I'll do too much, and it'll all be over. But, I just ended up making everything worse because I just _couldn't._ I got so desperate. I would do anything to get high and I owed people money and…"

His eyes flick open to meet Iruka's. Iruka stares back at them, notes the discoloration once more.

"They said they'd take my eye next."

"Kakashi…" Iruka says, soft like a whisper. 

Kakashi shakes his head, dislodging Iruka's grip. 

"I can't forget it- and Obito and his stupid camera - I hate that those fucking tapes exist," Kakashi says in a strained voice. "I already see that shit every time I close my eyes without them, but I can't get rid of them. I hate them. But I can't-"

He looks to the ceiling, blinks a few times, gathers himself, then turns back to Iruka. "With you. I don't dream. It's nice."

It's such a simple seemingly unimportant statement, but it holds so much weight - too much. Iruka struggles to hide his tears. He can't believe Kakashi is telling him this. His head is spinning with all the different information - all the different emotions. He can't wrap his mind around it all. He brings a hand up to his mouth when he feels like he can't hold back a sob - chokes around it as it tears out his throat.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi says, and he says it with a little laugh, like he's trying to lighten the mood. "I'm always making you cry."

"No," Iruka shakes his head frantically. "You've never made me cry."

Kakashi looks at him incredulously. 

"Kakashi," Iruka leans forward to take both his hands in his own. He can't believe Kakashi thought Iruka was such a mess because of _him._ He looks at him seriously. He needs Kakashi to know that while he has caused him immense amounts of confusion he has never caused him _pain._ "I would not keep inviting your hair tie stealing ass into my apartment if you were making me cry all the time."

That makes Kakashi laugh - for real - and he throws his head back and actually laughs. The sight is beautiful. Pakkun snorts on the pillow behind Iruka, grumpy at being woken up.

"How many do I have to steal before you stop wearing them?" Kakashi asks with a smile. His eyes are soft as they land back on Iruka’s face, and there is a light in them that Iruka missed before.

"You only like me for my hair," Iruka pretends to pout. The energy in the room shifts - loose and light and _happy_ \- like it was before, but _better._

"You only like me for my cock," Kakashi says back, then corrects himself when Iruka smacks at his chest. "No sorry - my _chickens."_

"You're so stupid. I hate you," Iruka grumbles. 

Kakashi pulls him into a hug. "Be nice to me or I'll sick my dogs on you."

Iruka snorts and makes a show of looking at all the lumps of fur surrounding them. "Yeah, you got a real threatening group here."

"Wait til you see Bull when I don't feed him on time," Kakashi mumbles as he falls back into the bed, pulling Iruka down with him. "Terrifying."

* * *

A few weeks later, Iruka is in his kitchen - he's cutting up zucchini, trying to remember something Kakashi told him about knife cuts or _something,_ god, he really sucks at this - when his front door opens suddenly.

"Yo, Iruka," Kakashi comes walking in.

Iruka looks up, only mildly surprised by Kakashi's sudden appearance. Most of the time now he doesn't even bother to text Iruka. He just shows up. Kakashi doesn't like Iruka leaving the door unlocked, so he has his spare.

They still haven't talked about it.

"Hey," Iruka says back, and continues at his task.

"What are you doing?" Kakashi watches him curiously.

"Cooking," Iruka says with a roll of his eyes. 

"You wanna maybe turn on the burner?" Kakashi smirks, and nods his head in the direction of the stove. The pan Iruka prepared is sitting there, with oil and garlic in the bottom, cold.

"Oh god dammit," Iruka curses, and turns to fix it.

Kakashi comes up behind him and stops him - wraps his arms around his waist and buries his face against his neck.

"Need any help?" He asks. His lips graze Iruka's neck as he speaks.

Iruka slumps against him. "It's fine. I'm just distracted, is all."

He really is only cooking to keep his mind busy. He forgot to eat lunch today before going to the gym, and he's out of cup ramen. He isn't really hungry, but he figures he should at least try to make an effort. Cooking still drives him crazy though. Whenever Kakashi does it he makes it look so easy, and he looks so peaceful as well - like it's meditative for him. It doesn't have that effect on Iruka apparently.

"What's up," Kakashi asks. Iruka lets his eyes slip shut as he rests against Kakashi's front.

"It's Naruto," he sighs.

"What'd he do this time?" Kakashi chuckles.

Iruka bites his lip. "He got in another fight at school."

"Again?" Kakashi breaks away so Iruka can turn in his arms. "Didn't he just get in one earlier this week."

Iruka waves his hand in exasperation. "Yes, and with Sasuke _again_. It was bad. I'm worried about him."

Kakashi hums thoughtfully. "Have you talked to him?"

Iruka shifts his weight to lean on the counter, and grips the edge tightly in his worry. "I dunno. I think he's acting out because he knows he's leaving."

Iruka stares hard at the counter. Kakashi listens quietly.

"Him and Sasuke never got along but I think he's upset he won't see him anymore," Iruka smiles sadly to himself. "I think he- I think he doesn't know how to deal with his emotions."

"Ah," Kakashi says, knowingly. "A crush."

Iruka's smile spreads and he shoots Kakashi a playful look. "If I had to guess. Yes."

Kakashi smiles back at him. "Young love."

Iruka laughs then, and he wipes a hand over his face - feeling slightly distressed. "I want to talk to him, but I'm worried I'll freak him out or overstep my bounds. I dunno."

"Why is that?" Kakashi asks.

"Because," Iruka trails off - not really knowing the answer himself.

"He trusts you," Kakashi says. "You should speak to him."

"I dunno," Iruka mumbles again. "I'm still just his teacher. I feel like some things are off limits."

"So why don't you change that?" Kakashi moves to the abandoned cutting board - takes a look at Iruka's knife cuts. He holds up a slice of zucchini. "You're all over the place here."

"What do you mean?" Iruka narrows his eyes at the back of the man's head.

"Some of these are small and some are big. They're not gonna cook the same," Kakashi answers, and picks up the knife to start cutting the vegetable himself.

"No, the first thing you said," Iruka huffs. "Change what?"

"Oh," Kakashi puts a slice in his mouth - chews around his words. "Why don't you change being just his teacher?"

"You're eating zucchini raw, that's gross," Iruka cringes. "What are you even saying?"

"You can eat zucchini raw," Kakashi says after he swallows. He keeps his eyes down as he cuts. "And I'm saying, why don't you adopt him?"

"What?" Iruka feels like the wind has just gotten knocked out of him. _Adoption?_

"You clearly care about each other," Kakashi says. He's done cutting but he still doesn't look up. He uses the knife to spread the zucchini slices in a neat row. "He needs a father. Why not you?"

"Me?" Iruka says, still stunned by the idea.

It isn't something he's thought about before. He's just a teacher, and Naruto is just his student. Iruka always wished he could do more but, at the end of the day that was the reality of the situation.

Except, Naruto won't be his student after this school year ends. There is only a little over a month left before summer, and Naruto will be going to a new family and put in a new district and Iruka may never see him again. He made a promise to Naruto, but can he keep it? Who knows where he will get sent. What if that family won't let him see him? He's just some random guy after all?

Can a random guy be a parent?

"Yeah, why not?" Kakashi responds, and turns to look at Iruka.

"I don't- I don't know," Iruka sputters. "I can't do that can I?"

"Well, I mean, if you don't want to," Kakashi shrugs. "Do you want to though?"

_Does he?_

Kakashi leans his hip on the counter to face Iruka completely, and crosses his arms over his chest. "Iruka, I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that based on the way you talk about him, and the way he ran to _you_ when he felt like he was missing a home. I think, maybe it might be something to think about, is all."

Iruka tries to process that - practically feels lightheaded with how it hits him so hard - _yes_ it is something to think about, because _yes_ it is something he wants.

He looks at Kakashi with wide, anxious eyes. "But what if I'm a terrible parent?"

Kakashi laughs. "You probably will be."

That makes Iruka's face fall. "What?"

"Iruka you didn't know that you could eat a vegetable raw," Kakashi points out. "That kid is gonna have some serious nutritional issues."

Iruka lets out a slightly hysterical laugh, feeling frazzled by the whole thing. "Oh my god."

"For real though," Kakashi says, and he takes a step forward closer to Iruka - puts his hands on his hips. "You'll be a great parent. You already care about him so much. That’s the important part."

"But, what can I even offer him," he gestures around his kitchen, his living room. "I live in a shitty one bedroom apartment on a teachers salary. I can't afford to raise a kid."

Kakashi seems unfazed by that. "You'll be a single parent. You'll get government assistance."

Iruka snorts, then pauses and gets more serious. "How do I even go about doing this?"

"We'll look into it, ok?" Kakashi gives him a kiss on the forehead. "And don't worry, I'll help you."

"You'll help me?" Iruka repeats, dumbfounded once more. He pulls away to look at Kakashi's face.

"Yeah," he says, like he doesn't even know why it's a question. "Someone's gotta teach him how to cook."

Iruka feels hysterical once more as he barks out a laugh - his eyes filling with happy tears. "I don't want Naruto using any knives."

"You shouldn't be using them either based on those knife cuts of yours," Kakashi points out. Then he playfully jostles him. "You're already thinking like a parent though, see?"

Iruka smiles. He can't believe this is a very real thing that he is actually seriously considering, but it feels right. All the pain, loneliness, and self doubt he felt as a kid - he can help ease that agony off of Naruto. He can do that. The realization is earth shatteringly spectacular. He feels foolish for not seeing it earlier.

All it took was Kakashi pointing it out, and Kakashi offering to help.

Kakashi offering to help…

Iruka takes a step back, out of his grip. 

"You mean that?" He asks. "That you'll help."

Kakashi looks at him with a confused expression - like it's obvious - nods. "Yeah."

Iruka shakes his head with a disbelieving laugh. "You are the weirdest fucking person I have ever met."

"I'm sorry?" Kakashi says, perplexed.

"You'll offer to raise a freaking _teenager_ with me, but you won't ask me to be your _boyfriend?"_ Iruka blurts out, finally at his wits end. 

Kakashi pauses, clearly taken by surprise. "Iruka I-"

"No," Iruka brushes him off with a hand. "I don't want to hear it. Whatever. It's fine."

Kakashi grabs his hand. "Iruka I thought-"

This time Kakashi stops himself from continuing on. Iruka stares at him, waiting.

"What?" Iruka prompts when he doesn't continue.

Kakashi lets go of his hand - rubs awkwardly at the back of his neck. "I mean I just thought, you know…"

His words trail off.

"Kakashi," Iruka says, irritated. _"What are we?"_

Kakashi's eyes meet his again. "What do you want to be?"

Iruka purses his lips in frustration. "What do _you_ want?"

"Well," Kakashi says. "I thought you just wanted a hook up."

_A hook up. Right._

"I thought I did," Iruka sighs, but he figures it is now or never to be honest and come clean. "I don't know anymore."

"I mean," Kakashi lets out an uneasy chuckle. "I've kinda just been waiting for you to tell me to fuck off."

"What?" Iruka asks, startled.

Kakashi shrugs, and Iruka doesn’t miss the light flush that comes over his cheeks. It is maddeningly adorable and Iruka hates it. "You said you only wanted a hook up, and at first I did too, but I couldn't get you outta my head and every time I texted you I felt like I was just pushing my luck and eventually you'd tell me to lose your number or something."

Iruka can't believe what he is hearing. _Kakashi_ felt like _he_ was pushing his luck? When it was Iruka who always dropped everything for him at one simple text message?

"You never texted me first or anything," Kakashi further explains, suddenly bashful. "So I thought you were just throwing me a bone til you got bored of me."

"I thought you just wanted sex," Iruka says, head reeling from Kakashi's confession. “You never stayed, so I thought-”

“I didn’t stay because I don’t sleep,” Kakashi blurts. “You think I have all those dogs in my bed for no reason? I have them because they help ground me when I get night terrors about Rin, but jokes on me cause turns out you’re the only person I can actually fall asleep with and _stay_ asleep with.” 

Iruka bites his lip while he listens - his heart pounding in his chest even as Kakashi looks at him with a softening experisson. “And, Iruka, seriously, if you think I fuck everyone like that you're crazy."

Iruka laughs and covers his face with his hands, feeling completely ridiculous as he tries to process everything at once.

"Iruka," Kakashi continues. "All that shit I told you, that wasn't just pillow talk. To me, you're already my boyfriend."

Iruka shakes his head, feeling overwhelmed by all sorts of different emotions. He wants to be happy - Kakashi and him, together, officially - but also _what the fuck why didn't he say something sooner_? "Kakashi this isn't dating."

Kakashi just looks at him, and his dumb stupid attractive face drives Iruka _insane._

"Kakashi all we do is fuck," he says. "You just come over here and we fuck and that's it."

"You don't want to fuck anymore?" Kakashi asks, slowly, still trying to catch up to what Iruka is saying.

"That's not what I'm saying!" Iruka groans. "I just, I want to do _more._ People who are dating, you know, go on dates, they do stuff, go out. This isn't-"

He stops himself, suddenly feeling self-conscious and insecure for asking so much. _What if this pushes Kakashi away?_

"Ok," Kakashi says finally - definitively. He leans in and places a quick kiss to Iruka's stunned expression - right on his nose - and turns to leave. 

"Wha-" Iruka sputters.

"We can do that," Kakashi says, mid-turn. "I'm gonna go, and I'm gonna pick you up tomorrow and we're gonna go on a date. We can start over."

"No!" Iruka shouts to stop him. Kakashi's eyes widen. Iruka lowers his voice when he speaks next. "That's not what I want, Kakashi."

He looks to Kakashi, tired and just wanting this to be done with - the confusion, the doubt, the second guessing - he wants it all to be done. Luck on his side, he's going to be a dad soon, and he can't deal with this anymore. He sighs before speaking sternly again - trying to drill it into Kakashi's thick skull.

"Kakashi I don't want to start over. I already know I like you. I don't need to go on a bunch of dates to find that out. I don't need to start fresh or stop sleeping with you. And you are fucking batshit insane if you think I'm going to let you leave without fucking me _tonight._ "

His words hang heavy in the silent room, and Kakashi stands there stupidly with that dumb deer-in-headlights look on his face, his face tinted pink. "Is it weird to say that I'm kinda turned on by how bossy you are right now?"

"Well I'm glad you like it cause I'm not done," Iruka spits out, all of his wants and desires that he was ashamed of and nervous to let out finally bubbling to the surface. "You are going to take me to my bedroom right now, you're going to fuck me until I can't fucking _walk_ anymore, and then you're going to cook me breakfast in the morning _and then_ we are going to go on a date!"

Kakashi nods slowly, expression still spaced out and dopey looking - just taking in all of Iruka's words. He inches closer, bites at his lip, and wraps an arm around Iruka's waist to pull him in tight against his body.

Iruka is panting heavy from speaking so rushed all at once, and a gasp escapes him when he feels Kakashi's hard cock pressed into his front.

"What do you want for breakfast?" Kakashi asks - his voice dropping to that low and sultry tone that never fails to make Iruka fucking _weak_ with desire.

"Pancakes," Iruka answers, his own voice breathless and needy.

Kakashi is so close now, when he speaks Iruka can practically feel his lips against his own. "Where should we go on our date?"

"I don't give a shit," Iruka says and closes the small gap between them - kisses Kakashi rough and desperate.

Kakashi laughs, and Iruka chases the sound with his tongue - devours it, wants so badly to keep it forever and never let it go, never go a single day without hearing it ever again.

They don't make it to his bedroom.

In the morning, Kakashi makes him pancakes with eggs straight from his chicken coop, and Iruka thinks he has never tasted anything better in his entire life.

  
  


_End._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is summed up as: you gotta make it to the last chapter to unlock Kakashi's tragic backstory.
> 
> Anyway, that's it! Thanks so much for making it to the end!
> 
> I really want to tackle a little one-shot sequel to this involving a time skip and Iruka raising a teenage Naruto (there is a reason I made Kakashi a high school teacher I swear) so let me know if that seems interesting at all lol
> 
> Thank you again and please stay safe and healthy!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
